Regenisis

Transformation.  Today is the start of a new month.   First day of the rest of my life.  Trying to transform my life.....again.   This morning is the first day in over a week I went outside to get some fresh air and get a few steps in.  I've been struggling for a while.  Now, I am at a dangerously unhealthy weight and dangerously unhealthy emotional state.  I have been there before and I have transformed my life.  It was a long process and involved many things.  Today I start again questioning if I have truly hit the rock bottom to make changes.   I've done it before.  I did so with little lapses and slips.   I am hoping I can do it again. 

There is one thing different this time.  I have a man beside me that truly loves me.  I have thought that before but I was deceived.  This man that I am with now truly loves me and supports me through everything and whatever the future holds.  Andrew is truly my true love.  Well, that is not exactly true.  There was one other man who loved me through everything and was always my greatest cheerleader, my dad.  My dad was exceptional.  I don't know if I ever have truly stopped grieving his loss.   I was so lucky to have him, however, he had me late in his life, so in a way I feel cheated that he died in my 20s.  Before he could meet my children and help me through a difficult time in my life.  Life is confusing and difficult to navigate sometimes. 

But, I am going to move forward somehow.  Today is the start of the evolution of the new me.  I went outside today.  This is a start.

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