Blog or white ... because it never is.

This week I got some amazing news.  Exciting news.  News that will make a positive difference in my life.  But, I live with depression.  Some people depression is sadness.  It is not, it is the absence of feeling.  My body has learned not to feel, not to react.  I also have anxiety, so I still am afraid of everything.  So, those are my two emotions; fear and the absence of feeling.  I have learned how to deal with fear and it is almost a familiar friend as at least I am feeling something.  I know I should be happy and I'm not.  Well, I know I am happy just that I can't convince my body to show it.  Instead, my body makes me feel guilty that I'm not happy.  But, atleast, I am feeling something.  Actually, tired.  I have gotten used to fear and I have gotten used to feeling nothing.  Now, I am feeling exhausted.  Overwhelmingly tired.  But, unable to sleep.  If you can't sleep cuddling your grandson, you truly can't sleep.  My partner tries not to judge and is

They are still out there?  Maybe?  Perhaps, they have perished?  Perhaps, they are no longer in Manitoba.  How are they able to survive without money?  How are they able to survive in the elements?  How are two teenagers able to outwit our national police force? It gives me no pleasure to raise these questions.  The story is taking up less and less room on the national stage.  It seems to be still on the radar of the international stage.  Not America, though.  They are still focused on whether or not Trump is a racist.  Spoiler alert for Americans.  He is.  However, now others are raising these questions.  They have moved from York Landing claiming the tip from Bear Clan members couldn't be verified.  They certainly put a lot of emphasis on it 48 hours ago. Now, it has been dismissed.  But, it is the way it has been dismissed. With a tone.  A tone emphasizing it was just two volunteers.  A tone of don't interfere with the work of professionals.  A tone of we know better. 

The hunt for the apprehension of two teenage fugitives has moved to York Landing, Manitoba.  They were spotted there by a couple of members of the Bear Clan.  A volunteer group out of Winnipeg with the objective of keeping the community safe.  I haven't heard of York Landing prior to this so it must be quite small.  \ This story has gotten international attention.  One of their alleged victims is from Australia so journalists from that continent have been up there providing updates.  One reporter, bored from lack of updates, has made herself an expert on Northern Manitoba.  She is sounding like a person who has lived in Manitoba all of her life.  The police presence up north is massive.  Yet, they happened to be spotted by a volunteer or perhaps two volunteers.  The longer this goes on, unfortunately, the more incompetent our national police force looks.  They have been at this for almost a week and yet they still had only canvassed half of the homes in Gillam.  They are

I love Investors Group Field.  I find the seats roomy and you can't get a bad seat.  No matter where you are, you feel close to the athletes.  It is a wonderful facility.  I know that from being there.  The washrooms are slightly confusing to get into but once you have done it once, it is all good.   Oh, pardon me.  It is now IG Field. That is another thing I don't get.  Why do companies, particularly Canadian companies, want to reduce their names to initials?  TD used to Toronto Dominion.  CIBC used to be the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce.  RBC was the Royal Bank of Canada.  BMO was Bank of Montreal.  I don't get the O.  Maybe it is only Canadian financial agencies.  Tim Horton's hasn't reduced their name to initials.  Of course, that is not a Canadian company. Regardless, I am a little sensitive about Investors Group.  Last fall, they laid off a number of great employees in Winnipeg. A few them were friends of mine.  I am probably taking it more persona

I can't imagine what it would be like living in the Gillam area right now.  It must seem like a police state, but, if we are to believe the news, the residents are actually comforted by the presence.  I don't necessarily believe in the accuracy of the media anymore.  Not that I think that they are out to deceive us, but, I think they are under tremendous pressure these days.  With 24 news networks, they find themselves in a constant pressure cooker to find new details to keep stories going.  If a reporter talks to two people who say they are reassured by the police presence, they are not lying when they residents are comforted.  I am older and less trusting.  I don't think I would find any comfort in living with that much fire power around.  Too many things can go wrong.  The man-hunt has been going on for almost a week.  But, it really isn't a man-hunt, it is a hunt for two teenage boys.  Teenagers have a feeling of mastery that doesn't define us as adults.  As

When you look for what is right, you will find it.  When you look for what is wrong, you will find it. What kind of person do you want to be?  Steep Rock Manitoba has a population of just over 600.  It is in the Northern Interlake.  In case you are wondering what industry can be sustained in a population of 600, the answer would be none.  When you look up places to shop in Steep Rock, you are referred to Winnipegosis.  I have been to Winnipegosis and it is a lovely town but it hardly shopping mecca.  Two of the most famous residents of Steep Rock and Hopper and Gonzo.  They are known as the Steep Rock Goats.  Every summer, a local businessman puts the goats on a small island for them to spend the summer.  He has a kayaking business and the goats have become a tourist attraction.  The goats attract tourism and this guy's business has been kicking, so to speak.  You always have to admire an entrepreneur in a small town.  Everyone knows that when you are a small business person, y

A couple of years ago, Capital One did an on-going advertising campaign with the tag line of "what's in your wallet?"  I didn't find it that effective, but it must have been a winner for Capital One because it was used in multiple commercials.  Earlier this week, the Winnipeg Police Service announced a massive drug bust from a residential home in St. Boniface.  From one residence, they seized 2.8 kg of cocaine, 5.3 kg of methamphetamine.  The estimated street value was $890,000.  That seems like a lot to me but that is less than 20 lbs so it could have easily been stored in anyone's home.  Apparently, the drugs that were seized could form another drug referred to as purple heroin.  Another thing I had never heard of before.  Highly addictive and the body is pulled in many different directions.  Potentially lethal.  We are lucky to have a high trained Police force that work to keep us safe.  Also, earlier this week, our Chief of Police was expressing great frus

Tiny happy things.  Yes, those are some of mine.  One of my current favorite things is putting my grandson down for a nap and laying with him until he falls asleep.  What usually happens is that I end up trapped under a sleeping Ollie.  I could probably get out if I wanted but it makes me enormously happy just watching my angel sleep.  There are things all around you that can make you happy.  Keeping up with American politics is not one of them.  I used to blog about Trump and his inconsistencies and him being out of touch with reality.  No one was interested and I was becoming an angry depressed person.  It is unbelievable that an evil lying megalomaniac tyrant has his fingers literally on bombs that could change the world in an instant.  Then, of course, there is Kim Jong Un.  I still find it hard to believe that he was elected President and am in total denial that he likely will be re-elected.  So, I just try not to think about it.  However, I am also an optimist.  I still hav

When the folk festival is not happening, I think about it and am overwhelmed at what a massive project it is.  The logistics make my head spin.  When I am at the folk festival, I think it should be mandatory for every Manitoban to attend.  Top ten reasons why attending the folk festival is like attending a master class on life.  10.  For some reason, when you are up there, you shed your outer skin and let your true self shine.  You wear what you wouldn't normally wear.  You dance in bare feet.  You come as you actually are.  9.  You are transported to a different time, maybe the 60s, I don't know what it was like then.  But, at the folk festival everyone is chill.  Since you are out of the city, it is like everyone is living together and working together at sharing and laughing.  8.  You have a massive choice of food and the food vendors are so great they recommend each other.  Somehow, they forget the laws of commerce and their focus is to give people what they reall

The Provincial Conservatives are using social media to post a negative attack on NDP Leader Wab Kinew.  They attack his actions in the past, apparently he hasn't released his candidate disclosure form, and his character.  I would like to think we live in a world where negative campaign ads would reflect more poorly on the party who is responsible for the ads, but, I don't think we are there yet.  Regardless, I hope it doesn't sway a single voter.  Also, it is so unnecessary in Manitoba.  We are a small have-not province.  I am not denigrating Manitoba, I love living here, however, when it comes to transfer payments and other things, that is just the reality.  We weren't big enough of a market to keep Jets 1.0.  I still remember when the Jets left and all the grassroots attempts to save it.  We just couldn't do it.  When Jets 2.0 came back, we are euphoric with excitement for a couple of years, then the honeymoon was over.  Thank goodness, the Jets became a conte

I live with depression and anxiety but I am high functioning.  Actually, many days I live with depression and anxiety.  However, many more days, I suffer with depression and anxiety.  High functioning means that only me, my partner, and my health care team know the extent of my suffering.  I don't know what it means for others who are high functioning, but, I do know what it means for me.  It means that I likely will have more days of suffering rather than living with depression and anxiety. The problem is I don't have a good fit anywhere.  My friends who don't live with anxiety and depression don't really understand me.  They think I am confident and self-assured.  They don't realize what that costs me.  They don't understand why I make commitments and then cancel at the last minute.  They don't understand why I don't keep in touch.  They don't understand why I am paranoid when they don't contact me when I don't contact them.  Friendship

The upcoming provincial election may make history.  The Provincial Conservatives, particularly Brian Pallister, are running the stupidest campaign ever, yet will likely still will be elected.  Premier Pallister is doing all of these "feel good" interviews that talk about him as a person.  He is making himself more available to the media than he has in the last four years.  This is his clever way to get around the "advertising/campaign" ban that he has imposed.  He thinks the irony is lost on Manitobans.  Of all the things Pallister has done or not done, the thing that most bothers me is that he thinks we are stupid.  He really things we don't see through his crap.  Anyway, so the latest is that he is trying to connect himself to all of us by saying that he has had confrontations as a 6 got 8 inch man.  Presumably this has been downtown and I think he is trying to make us understand that he is one of us and understands the danger the crystal meth crisis. 

In the upcoming federal election, the Conservatives have recruited an outstanding candidate to run in my Riding.  Unfortunately, he chances of being elected have been diminished significantly because of the actions of Andrew Scheer.  Actually, many actions, but something he said yesterday really pissed me off.  Andrew Scheer declared war on Canada's Food Guide claiming its new revisions reflect Liberal ideology rather than science.  First of all, and I feel strongly about this, please don't trivialize war.  I have too much respect for our troops and our veterans who have served and continue to serve our Country.  You declare war on terrorism, you declare war on acts of aggression by foreign countries, you can even declare war on the crytstal meth crisis.  There is actually no need to declare war on a piece of paper that encourages people to eat more vegetables.  Using the word "war" in this context is offensive.  We have actual problems in this country and Canada&

My grandson is pretty much the most perfect guy I know.  He makes me want to be a better person.  He reminded me that prejudice is not something we are born with, but something we acquire.  All prejudices have one thing in common.  The root cause is ignorance.  I want to be the best grandma that I can be.  In order to do that, I had to be honest and confront my own history of prejudice.  I definitely am not proud of this, but, I had a lot of prejudice against a specific group of people.  Let me explain.  I grew up in the thriving metropolis of Dauphin.  I enjoyed all the perks of living in a big city without any awareness that some weren't so lucky.  We had a choice of grocery stores.  While I was in elementary school, we were so close to downtown that we could walk there on impulse.  We didn't have to plan.  Also, I lived on Main Street.  I literally had a front row seat to both parades that happened in the summer.  I lived the good life and all I had to do was walk to s

It hard to believe we are watching the greatest superpower on the planet being ruled by a racist.  I never thought, that in 2019, we would be watching a crowd chanting "send her home" while the President let it go without admonishing the crowd.  We can't seem to move the discussion forward.  Last night, I was present at any event that took a nasty turn.  I didn't know either of the people involved but one guy called the other guy a mother-******.  The guy being called the name took offence.  But, in addressing it, he caused a huge disturbance that affected everyone in the room.  The guy who initially used the slur was a person of colour.  The mother-****** was an older white male.  I only mention this because it is actually an important factor in the story.  It is the concept of white privilege.  It does exist.  A white male is the only demographic that historically has not been discriminated against.  The white male felt a sense of entitlement and freaked out over

Donald Trump.  Enough said.  When it comes to examples of lack of class by you know who, it is impossible to pick just 2000 or so.  Too much to choose from.  Actually, one of the most disturbing things that I have seen about him was a video of him at a party about 20 years ago where he was hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein.  The two creeps partying on, Garth.  I honestly don't know why I am not a skinny minny because every time I see something like this, I want to throw up.  .  But, lack of class is often-displayed by people who don't earn their own money.  It is actually debatable  how much he does have, but there is no debate where it came from.  His father.  Fred Trump was successful and passed down his money and his holdings down to his progeny.  What has Donald Trump done with these opportunities handed to him without working for it?  Well, he built a casino in Atlantic City that went bankrupt.  How do you actually lose money in a casino?  It is literally a licence to

Shandi Strong will be running for the Liberals in the provincial riding of Wolseley.  When the ballots are counted on September 10, she hopes she will be the first successful trans MLA in Western Canada. She ran for the Liberals in this riding in 2016.  During this election, there will be no incumbent in the riding so her odds of success are already increased.  Having worked in the Legislature for the past few years, she has been aware that an election would be called this year so she has been knocking of doors for a couple of months now.  Her campaign literature is ready to go and she is hoping residents of Wolseley want to help her make history. I am secretly intimidated sitting down with someone who might be making history for being the first.  I am aware that anyone who is going to be the first of anything means they already have a personal history of being a trailblazer.  For Shandi, one of her important milestones was being the first Trans Pride Parade Marshall in Winnipeg

These perogies are locally made and really good.  I like that they sell 5 dozen/bag.  Makes it easier that way.  No messing around and ensures that my partner actually gets a few.  These perogies have nothing to do with this entry but I like them.  Yesterday, in the Free Press, Coun. Sherri Rollins said she was less concerned as to how the bad habits were allowed to develop but wanted assurance from Kiernan steps would be put in place to have the building inspections division functioning properly.  "Winnipeggers are less interested in how the sausage is made than outcomes," she said.  Ah, the old sausage making quote.  This quote has been around circa 1880.  For those of you who are math whizzes, this was about 139 years ago.  It has been used over and over again.  Quite frankly, I have a red flag over any politician who uses some variation of the sausage making quote.  I guess I have huge expectations of elected officials.  I think they should be capable of original th

When I was a child, I liked playing with Barbie dolls and there wasn't much available that I didn't have.  Except anything related to Skipper.  I didn't like her for some reason.  I had a lot of different Barbies and a lot of different Kens.  I was immediately taken back to my childhood when I sat down with Ken St. George yesterday.  He had this very perfect golden tan.  It was such a perfect golden tan that I  wondered if it was fake, but, you couldn't get a spray tan this perfect, so I am sure it was authentic. It wasn't just the tan that struck me when I sat down with NDP Candidate Ken St. George yesterday.  This perfect tan seemed like a metaphor for Ken's personality.   He makes conversation seemingly effortless and has perfect answers that are authentic.  It was a little annoying and made me determined to try and come up with a question that would be difficult to answer.  I couldn't do it.  He is currently running to become the MP for Charleswood/S

When my son was born, everyone wondered where the red hair came from.  Our mail carrier had red hair but I really didn't think it was her.  There was no red hair in either of our families.  Then, my oldest sister reminded us that she was a red head.  Yes, but it came from a bottle and not her genetic make-up.  She literally had been dying her hair red for so long that she actually forgot it wasn't the colour she was born with.   I know the feeling.  I have to look at baby pictures to remember my natural hair colour.  I been every shade of brunette, a peroxide blonde, and a strawberry blonde.  I have been onyx as opposed to having black hair.  I often put in some pink.  Purple has been present in my hair colour.  I have had some blue streaks and some green streaks, just not at the same time.  Right now, I am going through a red phase but I always pick a slightly different shade every time I colour.  Like most humans, I like to think I am capable of independent thought a

I live in the federal riding of Charleswood - St. James - Assiniboia - Headingley. I don't know who I am voting for this October.  We are fortunate that 4 outstanding men are going to allow their name to be on the ballot.  Also, Steven Fletcher is running.  I have to admit that, out of the gate, Marty Morantz was looking pretty good to me.  He is a former City Councilor that tried to get rid of the excessive parting gifts that Councilors get once their term is done.  He wasn't successful, but he did put his money where his mouth was, so to speak.  He donated his entire severance payment, over $20,000 to the Bruce Oake Recovery Centre.  It is difficult not to be impressed by that.  I was intrigued so I made a few inquiries.  It turns out he has a history of philantrophy in Winnipeg and seemed to be an ethical City Councillor. So, I am going to give him serious consideration.  So far, I think he is a good candidate who is getting some bad advice.  I hope to offer some bette