Blog or white ... because it never is.

I have been in the work force for three decades.   Workplaces have changed a great deal in that time.  At my first "adult" job, I remember a co-worker telling me how wonderful our boss was and that it was too bad that this was my first job because I would never be able to appreciate how great he was.  She was right. Dennis was an extraordinary boss.  Long before the workplace was researched and analyzed as a sociological entity, Dennis was a leader and a manager.  He way decades ahead of the curve.  He actually led by example.  He was transparent and explained his decisions.  When he was able, he consulted prior to making decisions.  When he made decisions we didn't like, we still respected him as he explained what led to them.  He didn't ask him staff to do anything that he wasn't willing to do himself.  He was methodical and had a vision.  He defended his staff publicly even he didn't privately.  He earned our trust and before there was such things as wor

Today will be the longest night of the year.  From here on, we will be going toward the light.  I wonder if this will mark the turning point in the #Me Too movement.  Hopefully, we will now go toward healing, but I am not optimistic yet.  Other than one PMO staffer, Canada has been largely unscathed by allegations against our politicians.  The dynamics of power and control are also present in Canada so I think more allegations will be forthcoming.  My father was hospitalized in October, 1992 and passed at St. Boniface Hospital on December 23, 1992.  However, December 21, 1992 was also a significant day in our family's life.  After spending a short time in Dauphin hospital, my father spent the rest of his life at St. Boniface Hospital except for December 21.  His stay in hospital gave me so much hope in humanity.  All staff were excellent to all of us and they cared for our family as much as they cared for my dad.  His primary physician was experienced and close to retiremen

I am a Law and Order junkie.  The original series was always my favorite, especially the early years.  SVU has evolved and continues to be one of the best series on network television.  Criminal Intent was my least liked of the franchise but still had many memorable moments.  One of the most profound moments for me was a scene between Goren and Eames.  They were working a class involving murders targeting doctors who performed abortions.   Eames asked Goren about his views on abortion.  Goren declined to answer saying, "I will tell you when I have a uterus."   Goren's character had unusual knowledge about every subject in the book, it seemed.  His character was almost savant like and he was almost a walking Wikipedia of facts.  Yet, when it came to an issue involving women's reproductive organs, he was smart enough to defer to women.  This proved to me that the character was genius.   Why can't more men be like Goren?  Why can't more men defer on issues

Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a man knows what said man is like when he is sick, and it is not pretty.  We try to be a good partner, we try to take care of our men, but they make it so incredibly difficult.  Even Tammy Wynette likely had a disclaimer to "Stand by your man" saying except when he is sick.  It is so difficult to be patient with a sick man.  One of the reasons is that a woman can have her nose running like a faucet, a fever that any health website would recommend hospitalization, and yet still manages to take care of children, go to work, do errands, clean house, etc, because she knows that this will pass.  We know that we all get sick and then just as quickly we get well.  It is basically called life.  The other thing that women accept is that once every 28 days or so, we have a visit from Auntie Flo and we feel awful.  Some feel awful for a week or more.  We know that society doesn't allow us to take a week off every four so we just have

I am so happy to be wrong.  Doug Jones has defeated Roy Moore.  However, he is still not conceding and is waiting for the recount.  Not surprising at all to have this last gesture to confirm he has no class whatsoever.  I think, though, it was going to be close, until Roy Moore's wife sealed the deal with her "I know one black person and I have one Jew on the payroll" speech.  The best thing, however, about the result, is imagining Trump sitting at home alone watching tv with one hand eating his third Big Mac and one hand on his phone tweeting.  Don't be mistaken.  This is a huge loss for Donald Trump.  Despite my advise that he should sit this one out, Trump put himself on the line by rallying for him and providing his endorsement by robocall.   At first Donald Trump issued a rather gracious tweet congratulating Jones.  Then, he started to take the low road and as the night went on, he did his best to distance himself from Moore.  He really is a meglomaniac. 

As Canadians, we have such a diverse mosaic of cultures and climate, it is hard to find something that unites us and is uniquely Canadian.  Tim Horton's has seemed to fill that void.  The lines at the drive-thrus that seem to be on every corner prove it.  We love our Timmies. A few years ago, I was holidaying deep in the Southern US and was ordering breakfast and was asked what I took in my coffee.  Double double was my answer and the waitress look stunned.  Another waitress walked by and said, "that is Canadian for two creams and two sugars."   Tim's is probably the first date of most couples meeting on line.  It is a nice place to meet as it is very public and busy and you don't have to endure the expense and time of a nice dinner out if there is no chemistry.   I believed their advertising of a few years ago when they told us that every cup had a story.  It suggested that most of our important moments occurred while we were having a cup of Tims. 

This special Senate election in Alabama seems to be the longest in history.   I am counting the hours now, a little more than 48, until it is over.  Long before the allegations came to the surface, I already was convinced that Roy Moore was a joke.  The rally when he dressed up as a Village People singer toting a real gun made that clear.  Now that the allegations keep coming forward, I have learned that he is also dangerous.  However, what is very troubling is that he is going to win.  Alabama is just a red Republican state and it has been for 20 years.  Roy Moore will never shake the asterisk behind his name in the minds of the American public, but he, unfortunately will also have the title of Senator in front of his name, so he won't really care much.  For some unknown reason, the allegations against him are not sticking.  It is wrong, of course, but it is also  reality so we have just lost this fight, so we need to stop wasting energy on it.  We need to stop depleting our e

My father would only wear pajama tops to bed.  My mother had a best friend whose husband only wore pajama bottoms to bed.  When they discovered this, for every pair of pajamas bought, it was like buying a two for one got the tops and the other got the bottoms.  Well, somehow, my grandson has inherited the pajama top only gene from his great-grandfather that he never met. My partner and I were having a lazy Saturday morning with our grandson taking our time over breakfast and coffee and apple juice.  The sports channel was playing in the background.  I don't remember the context but I remember my partner saying, "I was there for that game.  It was a demonstration game and I sat in the stands next to Pele." My partner is the biggest soccer fan I know, or as he would say, "the real football".  I don't enjoy soccer as I prefer watching sports where something actually happens.  But, I respect his passion.  I don't understand it, but I respect it, and

Senator Franken's resignation today was not a victory for feminism.  About two weeks ago (things are happening so fast that it is easy to lose track of time) the photograph emerged.  Al Franken wrote a heart-felt and sincere apology to the victim and to all women.  His apology was authentic and took responsibility for his actions.  This was very much in contrast with other apologies that we see that are "I am sorry that you misunderstand my intentions".  This was real and indicated that he pledged to work hard to be a better man.  Senator Franken actually did a great deal of good in the Senate.  He was a strong voice for reason and he was a champion for those less fortunate.  Once more accusers came to light, he felt he was forced to resign.  Well, that is one gone without having to do any penance.  It wouldn't have been easy but he could have used his influence as Senator as a springboard to helping feminism in general.  He could have gone on a fact-finding missi

Yesterday was a very significant day in Canadian history.  100 years ago, the Halifax explosion happened.  2000 people lost their lives during the explosion and an additional 9000 were injured.  Despite the extent of this disaster, so many things occurred.  As many were left blind following the explosion, a desire to help ultimately led to the creation of the Canadian National Institute for the Blind.  The casualties would have been worse if a telegraph operator hadn't diverted a train at the last moment before he died a selfless hero.  Medical personnel from Boston came to help creating a lasting friendship between Halifax and Boston.  Halifax is still thinking their cousins south of the border.  New and safer shipping regulations were developed.  From all accounts, this tragedy brought out the best in people.  23 years ago yesterday, the Montreal Massacre where 14 lives were ended simply because a struggling man blamed women for every problem he ever had.  Victims were target

My partner is a huge sports fan.  He lives for sports.  He finds so many metaphors about life in sports.  As a child, he went to the 1976 Olympics in Montreal.  Every time I think I have heard all of his memories of that trip, he lights as he recalls another.  One time we were on vacation and went to a sports bar for dinner.  We didn't know this when we entered but once we were seated, the waitress had a sports trivia question and if we answered correctly we would get 10% off our bill.  The question seemed really hard and my partner hesitated and I thought he didn't know.  It turned out, not only did he know, but knew even more about this than we even asked and was giving the waitress more information than she needed.  She finally said, "alright already, you got it" and walked away.  Then, we got a flag for our table indicating we got the trivia question right.  It was pretty exciting.  I waved the flag proudly as if I had any idea of the answer.  I was eager

My mom had a unique perspective on being a mom and a grandma.  As she married a divorced man who was significantly older than her, she became a grandma before she was a mother.  When I was old enough to appreciate this, I asked her what the difference was between being a grandma and a mom, she said that mommies think and grandmas know.   When I asked for further clarification, she told me that I would figure it out someday. Today is the day.  I have figured it out and I owe this to my amazing grandson. All mommies think that they have the most beautiful baby in the world; grandmas know this for a fact! Mommies think they have to be watching developmental charts, making sure their baby is meeting their milestones.  Mommies think they have to be worrying about their baby's future and they have the responsibility of ensuring their baby has a happy and successful life.  Grandmas know that their bundle of joy will do things at their time and won't waste a precious moment

Last week's episode of Law and Order SVU was gripping.  It portrayed very well in a 42 minute episode (18 minutes of commercials) one of the complex dynamic of living in a toxic family.  It happened on the day of a father's funeral.   It sounded like the family was well off, as the father was a surgeon who helped many people.  The mother was present and there were two daughters.  One daughter was sexually abused by her father; the other wasn't.  The one who wasn't ended up killing a man who reminded her of her father as she could never reconcile her jealousy of her sister for being chosen by her father.  I worked as an Addictions Counsellor for three years in a small town.  In that three years, I felt like I knew more than I wanted about everyone in town.   I remember one man came to see me claiming he was suffering from alcoholism.   He sat in my office once a week for about 4 weeks saying he had something to tell me, but that he couldn't.  We had 4 sess

Last year at this time, I had a medical condition that was causing me a lot of physical pain all the time.  It was sort of exhausting.  I was very uncomfortable lying down so I often slept sitting up in my rocking chair.  So, on the night of the US Election, I started watching coverage of the results and then fell asleep.  When I woke, the tv was on and Trump was declared President-Elect.  I really thought I was dreaming.  So, I got up and went to the bathroom.  I came back, convinced I was awake, but the tv was still showing that Trump was elected.  I thought it was fake news and they were doing a farce.  I kept switching channels in disbelief.  It took me an hour to realize it was true.  I still haven't accepted it.  Even though I am not American, I felt his election was a clear stab at social justice.  I had been noticing different things all that year that I felt were warning signs that social justice was eroding.  I have always considered myself a social justice warrior so I w

I grew up in a small town.  Not just any small town, but "the friendly town of progress and beauty".  When you grow up in a small town, things are often done differently.  A grew up several decades ago.  I am fairly confident that my experience growing up was very different from how children grow up today.  It was a week day.  I was at school and my dad was working.  My mom got a phone call in the morning from the post office saying that I had a registered letter from New York.  I am sure my mom fainted and then called my father with the news.   He left work and went straight to the post office to sign for this letter for me and bring it home.   At that time, parents just couldn't sign a child out of school so they waited for me to come home.  It was from Conde Nast publications in New York addressed to me.  What was I doing getting a letter from New York?  I opened the letter and the first thing that fell out was a cheque for $6.00 made out to me !!  And, not just

Michael Flynn will plead guilty today to one charge of lying to the FBI.  This is part of a plea deal.  He will plead guilty to a relatively trivial in exchange for something.  The news anchors are already so excited that they are not even pretending to be objective.  They are assuming that this development will be "consequential" to the Trump Presidency.   If anyone has the dirt that can bring down, it is Michael Flynn. I am not in the least bit excited.  We have seen this happen before.  We have seen an action that we attribute will be the end of this Presidency.   That day has been referred to as "every day of his Presidency".  This will also come and go.   This Presidency has been like the worst and longest Law and Order episode in history. I think there is only one person who can bring down the Trump Presidency.  Melania.  I think we need to appeal to her widely and publicly to leave him.   It appears that if she leaves, he will descend into true madness