A Long Walk.....


 It's just after midnight and my heart is racing and all the deep breathing is not helping slow it down.  I would like to go for a long walk.  Just trying to get my heart to slow and exhaust my body. I know it's late but I know where I would be going and I feel I would take all reasonable precautions going through a lighted area.  But, the curfew.  I know it is not in effect yet.  I know the feedback is just an exercise.  It is coming.  So, is Christmas.  So, is a horrible tone in society.  The US Election is not decided but I it is a loss for America.  Deep division remains.  It seems that this division is in Manitoba as well. Our Premier is playing the blame game and not accepting responsibility.  Our Health Minister is not someone who we can respect, quite frankly.  Questioning motives of doctors in expressing concerns about caring for Manitobans.  Essentially, our elected MLAs not even allowing a question from an opposition critic.  Three establishments were fined for violating code red restrictions on the first day of the restrictions.  I wonder how they knew to go to these places?  

I don't think enforcement is the answer.  Now, we will have neighbours reporting other neighbours who suspect there is socializing going on.  And, who exactly do we report to?  It raises more questions than answers.  As I am trying to calm myself down, I hear police sirens.  The police are certainly more than busy enough not to worry about me going for a walk after midnight.  But, I just don't want to take that chance.  I also don't want to appear that I am not respecting public health orders.  Of course, I am going to do my part.  

I oppose the curfew.  I think people should still be allowed to go for a drive in the middle of the night to think and reflect and sometimes we just need a little break from our bubble.  

I don't necessarily agree that the Liquor Stores are essential services but I hear the arguments that have been made for that.  But, what about people who struggle with their mental health and could really use a support group?  How is that any less essential?  

I know it is a balancing act that governments have to weigh and there are many considerations on how best to flatten the curve, however, we are not going to get there until we start respecting each other.  I will be honest that I don't feel particularly respected by our Premier and Health Minister.  And, really, when the lockdown happened in March, I was cheering for them.  I was prepared to extend to them a great deal of grace.  I was very forgiving at that point.  Frankly, I think there are a lot of Manitobans like me.  People with a great deal of fatigue and who don't feel respected.  

Blaming isn't going to earn back their respect.  

I just worry that those who feel disrespected won't follow the restrictions and actually may flaunt them.  

How will any of this help smash the curve and reduce the cases and prevent additional deaths..

So, I am too scared to take that long walk this morning.  And, I will be too scared to do it if and when a curfew is imposed.  But, I am not the one anyone has to worry about.  It is us, those who feel anonymous, struggling with our mental health that no one is worrying about.  That might be a hidden statistic of code red.  We will have to see.  

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