I've Got What I Always Wanted


 I had forgotten all about this, actually.  I remember being a young adult and watching my parents interact.  They were really in love.  Of course, they didn't have a perfect life or a perfect relationship, but they were really in love.  They disagreed on a lot of things, mostly politics, but they were in love.  I remember one lazy Sunday afternoon when we were all reading in our living room at the same time.  Whenever I would look up, it would seem that I would catch my parents looking at each other.  It was just true love.  Contentment.  Peace.  Satisfaction.   Comfort.  Deep and enduring love, but also giggly first love excitement.  Hard to explain that look, but they just looked at each other with love.  I remember thinking that if I were to find a partner who looked at me that way, I would really have succeeded in life.  That was going to be my measure of success.  

Well, time passed, and I got busy with all the trappings of what is supposed to be a successful life.  Big house.  New van.  Healthy RRSP.  Good job.  I kind of forgot all about that goal of just having a partner look at me the way my parents looked at each other.  Life, as it often does, became a roller coaster for me.  I accumulated a lot, I lost a lot, and accumulated more, and lost more.  I had my share of strife.  I also had my share of success and happiness.  I had a lot of things to put in the win column and a lot of things to put in the loss column.  I didn't think so at the time, but it turned out, I learned a lot more from the items in my loss column.  

Well, a few things have happened in the last three weeks.  Since similar things were happening, I decided it was time to hear what the universe was telling me.  First, a girlfriend told me that she thought her husband loved her, but she really saw how completely my husband loved me.  We happened to go to a home where we went to a party for our first public outing as a couple.  This was about 6 months after we started dating.  We were both different people 12 years ago.  We have had more than a few ups and downs, and many times, both of us wanting to walk away, but somehow we have ended up in a place where we can not imagine a future without each other.  We may be "older" but we still have lots we want to accomplish individually and together.  I know I will always be there for him when things are going positively or negatively.  There is not a shadow of doubt that he will be there for me. Other things have happened to show me tangibly how much this loves me.  I have noticed.  

And, then last night, we were both reading in the living room.  I looked up and caught him looking at me.  I realized he looked at me the same way my dad looked at my mom.  I had forgotten that I had said this was all I really wanted.  But, it really is all that I wanted.  I have achieved success in life.  

I love you, Andrew, and am blessed that you are beside me.  


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