Blog or white ... because it never is.

Today, I am having a pity-party.  I am feeling sorry for myself.  Actually, I don't know what I'm feeling, but, it is rather nice trying to figure that out.  Usually, I don't feel anything, so it is nice feeling something, even though it is unpleasant.   I went out for a drive and found myself parked in a parking lot and just thinking.  Not really thinking, just staring blankly.  There are three people standing ahead of me.  Two gentleman and one woman.  The two men are negotiating a price for the afternoon's company of the woman.  They agree on a price but for three women as the guy has a friend.  They guy who is paying gives the address and then goes off.  The remaining guy and the woman are trying to figure out how to get two more women.  I look down at the floor mat.  The woman starts pounding my car hood telling me to mind my own business and I am the ugliest, fattest, stupidest bitch that she has ever see...

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2003.  The same year, I was diagnosed with clinical depression.  Actually, it was severe clinical depression, according to the medical report.  A year later, I added to anxiety disorder to the mix.  Over the years, it has been morphed to generalized anxiety disorder or social anxiety disorder.  I don't know what is the current diagnosis.  When I have been out of deep depression, I have questioned if I am manic.  My doctor has assured me when I am in that phase what I am experiencing is happiness and not mania.  Also, about a decade before that, I had bulimia nervosa.  I live with a partner who also lives with mental illness.  Between the two of us, we have not murdered a single person.  I attend support groups and have met many people living with mental illness.  I tried to do a calculation in my mind and stopped when I got to 1000.  I have met atleast 1000 people who live with mental illne...

I had an unpleasant grade 7.  Nothing really happened but it was a big transition from elementary to middle school.  When I entered grade 8, I had found my voice.  I had an amazing home room teacher who made me feel confident and empowered.  I had an amazing year.  In grade 8, social studies was really Canadian history and Canadian politics.  It was taught by a man that was very active in a certain political party.  It wasn't the political party that I aligned myself but I didn't recognize his bias.  I remember we had to write an essay (really 1 page) on why we would vote for a certain party of our choice and I got an A and my parents were in shock.  They knew his bias and couldn't believe he would give an A to an essay about a different party.  We got lots of tests.  One per week.  He had a rule that if you got between 50-60, you had to take your test home and have it signed my one parent.  If you got under 50, you ...

I may be all smiles as my dad and I are walking down the aisle but as I was walking, I was mentally calculating how long I would have to remain married before I could get divorced.  Why didn't I call it off?  Well, I had tried twice and it didn't work so I couldn't disappoint my family and friends who had come in from out of town.  But, that is another long story. One of the reasons my wedding day was memorable for me was a conversation I had had with my brother-in-law.  He told me he had a conversation with my dad earlier in the day and my dad told him that everyone was blessed in a unique way and most people spend their lives looking for how they are blessed.  My dad said he knew how he was blessed.   He said he was blessed to have the two best son-in-laws in the world.  He said from the time they got married, he never worried about his daughters because he knew they would always be taken care of and loved completely.  He was referrin...

That is my dad and I on my wedding day.  He turned 80 two months after that picture was taken.  I always would forget my dad was older than most of my friend's dad because he never showed any signs of aging.  He still had dark hair, few wrinkles, and was physically active.  When he was a young man living on a farm in rural Saskatchewan, his bucket list was to be a cowboy and to serve our country.  He became a cowboy on a ranch in rural Saskatchewan and he loved that.  When our country went to war in 1939, he joined the RCAF and served our country.  I knew that he was a life long Yankees fan and when he was 79, he told me one thing on his bucket list was to watch the Yankees play live.  At the time, I was living about 4 hours away from Minneapolis so got us tickets to a three game series against the Twins.  My brother-in-law was once scouted by a major league ball team when he was a young man.  He also grew up in rural Saskatchewan ...

We don't need another hero was a song by Tina Turner in 1985.  Tina Turner is one of my favorite divas of all time.  Whenever I need to feel powerful, I turn on Tina loud and dance around and channel my inner Tina.  This is not one of my favorite Tina songs because I think we need all the heroes we can get.  Terry Fox was a national hero, one of the most inspirational Canadians that I grew up with.  The marathon of hope was in 1980 so there is many Manitobans who aren't aware of him but he brought world-wide awareness for cancer and his foundation has raised millions continuing his valuable dream.  He made it seem like any thing was possible.  He ran more than a marathon every single day.  That was impossible, but, he did it, until his cancer returned and he was forced to end.  In 2015, Manitoba renamed the civic holiday to Terry Fox Day.  One of the greatest Canadians is most associated with Thunder Bay was born in Manitoba and it...

Those who call themselves harm reduction advocates have been lobbying for safe injection sites in Winnipeg for a long time.  Those who don't believe we have a drug crisis strongly object to this.  They think it is a morality issue.  They think this is diverting funds to "reward" addicts and to condone their behavior.  They also think that this will encourage people to become drug addicts.   Frankly, there is lots of literature on whether safe injection sites are effective.  It is difficult to really say conclusively one way or another because there is so many variables and different measures of effectiveness.   An idea of a mobile safe injection site was posted by own of my friends yesterday.  It seems like a good way for Winnipeg to test the waters and gather data.  I chuckle when I think of those who like to think that we are not in a drug crisis right now and their reaction. They will draw comparisons between the mob...