Bucket Lists Evolve - Part 2

I may be all smiles as my dad and I are walking down the aisle but as I was walking, I was mentally calculating how long I would have to remain married before I could get divorced.  Why didn't I call it off?  Well, I had tried twice and it didn't work so I couldn't disappoint my family and friends who had come in from out of town.  But, that is another long story.

One of the reasons my wedding day was memorable for me was a conversation I had had with my brother-in-law.  He told me he had a conversation with my dad earlier in the day and my dad told him that everyone was blessed in a unique way and most people spend their lives looking for how they are blessed.  My dad said he knew how he was blessed.   He said he was blessed to have the two best son-in-laws in the world.  He said from the time they got married, he never worried about his daughters because he knew they would always be taken care of and loved completely. 

He was referring to my sisters and not my husband.  It wasn't lost on me the irony that he said that on my wedding day.  I asked him about it and he said he always knew that I could take care of myself. 

Regardless, my dad was right.  My sisters married princes.  I'm sure their marriages had some ups and downs but I only saw the ups. 

I know my dad loved his son-in-laws as if they were his own sons.  I know it doesn't really count as a bucket list but I think it was one of the things that my dad took great peace in.  He knew that my sisters had married exceptional men.  As my father passed shortly after my wedding, I also know that it was important for him to tell them how he felt about them.  Maybe that was his bucket list, to leave nothing unsaid.  To make sure that everyone knew his thoughts. 

Regardless, if you had asked my dad as a young adult, what is on your bucket list, I am sure having great son-in-laws wasn't on the list.  As he aged, that did become his bucket list.  To ensure his children were loved.  Bucket lists evolve. 

One of those exceptional son-in-laws was John.  As a young adult, his bucket list included running in the Boston Marathon.  He got married, had children, completed his Masters degree, and changed his focus.  He accomplished a lot of things and he was always busy.  Then, at his retirement, he received an amazing gift from his adult children.  A trip to Hawaii, which was also on his bucket list.  He looked to see what was happening when he would be in Hawaii and he saw a marathon scheduled.  He had 6 months to train and he did.  After not running for decades, he not only completed but managed to qualify for the Boston Marathon in his age group.  Throughout the next decade, he was able to revisit his running bucket list and cross more things off the list. 

So, bucket lists do evolve and also dreams never expire.  You can go back to them.

When my mother got her first diagnosis of cancer, my son was 3.  My mom said that all she wanted to do was live long enough to see that little boy get on the school bus.  She saw that and lived for almost 20 more years. 

Buckets lists and dreams are important, but, they also have a time and a place. 

Shortly after Brian Pallister was elected Premier of Manitoba, he made the decision to do a very risky nature hike in New Mexico.  I'm sure it was on his bucket list.  I may sound selfish but I think he should have post-phoned that dream until he was no longer Premier.  His decisions have consequences and in that case, I think he should have put the people of Manitoba first.  He only broke his arm, thank goodness, but he was missing for almost 8 hours.  What would have happened had an emergency happen in Manitoba and he was unreachable.  I also agree that he should take vacation and I understand he likes taking them in his modest cabin in Costa Rica.  However, during that time, he is reachable through his wife's cell phone.  Again, I think when you become Premier, you are understanding that you need to be always available.  There will be always time to be unreachable when you are no longer Premier. 

In the same vein, I disagree with Steven Fletcher's decisions to climb mountains.  I know his life changed when he became a quadriplegic however, he has accomplished so much.  Being not only an MP, but a Cabinet Minister, writing books, writing policy, he has accomplished a great deal.  I know it was important for him to reach a summit, however, I wonder about climbing a mountain.  He depends on staff for all activities of daily living.  I wonder if that dream was really worth pursuing.  He has shown how much he can do by himself.  I am wondering if a dream, where he needed such extensive help and put other people at risk, was really one of those bucket list items that should have evolved into something else. 

We all do it.  Our priorities change once we marry, once we have children, once we have a mortgage to pay, once our parents need our help, etc.  I keep revising my bucket list.  Keeping some dreams alive and changing other ones.  Each chapter in my life brings a new set of circumstances.  I didn't anticipate being a grandma when I was 50 but nothing gives me more joy than hearing the laugh of my grandson.

Bucket lists evolve.  I am sure my father never thought that his daughter's choices in marriage could bring him so much comfort, but, they did.