Monday Morning Restart
There have been Mondays during the last four decades that I have been of healthy weight and I have still started a diet. Media and body image and all that.
What have I tried? Well, I have tried Weight Watchers (several times); slim fast, TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly); rice diet, cabbage soup diet; cayenne pepper diet; apple cider vinegar diet; hypnosis; Atkins; The Zone, Canada's Food Guide, I have been a member of several gyms, no carbs, fit bit, my fitness pal, low carbs, mediterranean diet, cardiac diet, weight loss counselling from a dietitian starvation, you name it, I've tried it. I've also been on the Biggest Loser diet, as well as that one, that you send them a lot of money and they send you different tupperware containers that you could have gotten at the dollar store. At one point, a friend and I spent a ridiculous amount of money on the diet patch. It was advertised to work like the smoker's patch. You put a new one every day. We put a the first patch on (on a Monday) and didn't take the second patch off when we added the second patch, the third patch joined the other two, it wasn't working fast enough, so we put all thirty patches on ourselves. I have asked my health practitioner about Bariatric surgery. She has told me that I am not bariatric enough to qualify. So far, I haven't taken her up on that challenge.
If they devoted a whole Jeopardy episode to diets, I know I would win. There are so many apps that you can get that you can scan a bar code of something, and it will tell you the nutritional composition of anything. I don't need that app as I am better than that app. Go ahead try and stump me. I can tell you how many calories are in anything, how many grams of carbs, how much protein, you name it.
At one point, I was besties with a dietitian. Since she was such a good friend, I resisted the temptation to bug her with her professional expertise, but we also worked together, so every Monday morning, I would go into her office and announce that I was starting a diet. She was such a good friend. She never judged, she never said, "again", Every Monday, she would take my measurements for my "before" journey and we would make a food record together for me to track my calories in and out. She would go for a walk with me at lunch time. Every Monday, it was the same ritual. Every Monday, she was excited for me like it was the first time. Every Monday. Until she moved to BC.
Sometimes, my Monday morning diet was about health. I used to be bulimic and too thin. During that time, my Mondays were devoted to stopping that behavior. I hid my bulimia pretty well and one time, I took a risk and told one of my dearest friends. It turned out he was bulimic, too. It was like finding a long lost relative. Now, we had each other. And, he was better at it than I was. He taught me things that I didn't know. For example, there are some foods you don't want to eat when your plan is to bring them up. The best food to eat is ice cream. It tastes better coming up than it does going down. We developed our own Sunday evening ritual. We got together every Sunday and gorged ourselves on ice-cream and than got rid of it. All in preparation for Monday morning to restart.
Right now, I am losing weight, and have lost about 20 lbs, but it doesn't matter, I still restart on Monday. I am losing weight slowly and sensibly. I hate it. I still want to wake up and have lost 30 lbs. It doesn't matter if that is ridiculous. I'm still looking for the magic wand. My palate is changing and I don't like sweets that much any more. I actually prefer having a vegetable salad. But, still, my progress is slow and I don't like it. My weight also restricts my socializing. I don't want to go out because I feel like a circus freak and everyone is judging me. I'm embarrassed. I have a new friend and she is already giving me lots of advice on life. She noted that I was using my grandson's picture on all of my social media. She said that it was important to use my own picture so that people could see me and know who they were interacting with. It would also help me accept myself. She was right. I was ashamed to use my own picture.
I have tremendous motivation to lose weight. I have the perfect grandson who I love with all of my heart and soul. I want to be around and to participate in all of his life milestones. I want him to be proud of his crazy grandma. Also, unfortunately, since 2018, I have added some horrible diagnoses to my health record. Losing weight it not just about appearances any more, my weight is actually putting my life in danger. I have to lose weight.
I have a wonderful partner who will support me in any way possible, including dieting with me. That is so annoying. I can exercise like crazy and eat everything I am supposed to, and he can switch from 2% milk to skim milk in his coffee and on Monday morning we step on the scale. I lose half a pound and he loses 5 lbs. He sincerely cheers me on and I hold my tongue or else I would scream at him. After all my Monday morning restarts, I am now within 5 lbs of him. He is so proud of me. If he really wanted to be supportive, he would take a week off work, sit on the couch and do nothing but eat potato chips and gain 20 lbs.
Worse than that, my partner thinks I am sexy. He thinks he has hit the jackpot when he got me. When I get dressed, he tells me how beautiful I am. It doesn't matter that I get my clothing from Tent and Awning, he still thinks I look good. Whenever we are in a mall, he puts his arm around me and suggests we go into Victoria's Secret and get something. He doesn't realize that the metal detector that you see at the entrance of the store is not designed to prevent theft, it is designed to keep people of my size out. All alarms would go off if I entered that store. Nothing in your size here, please exit immediately so no one sees you.
Why am I purging my soul?
Well, I start over atleast 52 times a year. I have all the tools available to ensure my success and I have a great support system. And, I still have lapses. I try my hardest but sometimes my lapses turn into relapses. I truly want to be a healthy weight. People out of my support system may judge me, but everyone in my support system, well, supports me and wishes me well and are there for me no matter what.
I am lucky that I am not addicted to chemicals. I don't think that I would be strong enough to quit. If I was living with addiction, I am sure my support system would not be that supportive. Many addicts have to hit bottom before they seek treatment. That means they have experienced a lot of losses. With addiction, the substance is usually the symptom and not the root cause. Getting clean or detoxing is one of the easier steps. It is dealing with the reason why one has to stuff their feelings down and cover them up with a substance that is difficult. That is why treatment programs are long (atleast 28 days) and take a holistic approach to recovery. That is why a treatment centre where the participants can walk outside and enjoy nature is important. People have to learn to count their blessings and to appreciate nature. They have to learn how to have enjoyment in their life that doesn't include substances. That is why a key component of treatment is an after-care plan.
If I can't make it 7 days on a diet, why do we expect someone with a physical addiction to get over it so easily. Why do so few of us have so little tolerance to the addict that has a lapse or a relapse after treatment. I would be shocked if they didn't. Treating addiction is really difficult. If I tell people that I want to get back to what I weighed when I was 24 in one week, everyone would tell me it is not realistic. Yet, we expect addicts to recover overnight.
The times that I have really lost weight were times when I was ready. I can't explain it, but I was just ready. It is something that comes from within. I imagine that it is the same with addiction. Even though they may have the tools to overcome their addiction, they may still suffer. And, then one day, they are ready to quit. And when that day comes, they realize they need help. And, they want help. And, then they look at treatment options, and find there really are none or have months and months waiting lists. The window of opportunity leaves.
It won't solve the social problem of addiction in our society, but, it will be a positive step to have 50 treatment beds available at the Bruce Oake Recovery Centre. We need this Centre built. Period.
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