Choosing your family

A long time ago, a friend got me a present.  She got me a gift certificate for a tarot reading.  It would be my first time.  I told my friend that I probably wouldn't use the certificate since I didn't believe in that sort of thing and she should use it herself so it wouldn't be wasted.  My friend was hurt.  She explained that she went to the trouble of giving a gift and I shouldn't be such a snob to not use it.  By not using it, she said, I would be insulting our friendship.  She was right.  If someone cares enough about you to share something of themselves, we should cherish that.   That is why I have some pretty tacky trinkets in my home.  They are not my style and they don't go with anything, but someone I love took time out of their lives to give to me, so I automatically love them.

The truth is I didn't want to go because I didn't believe, the truth is that I didn't want to go because I did believe.   My mom had gone to a tarot reader years ago when she was worried about my life.   The reader told her not to worry and told her what my life would be for the next two years.  She was right on all accounts.  My mom wanted to go back to this woman ever since but she could never find her.  My mom stumbled upon this reader years later and went for a reading.  The reader layed down the cards and then had a troubled expression on her face and told my mom she wasn't getting anything from the cards and refunded her money.  A couple of months later, my dad got really sick and passed away.  Now, I know people who don't believe are rolling their eyes.  I feel sorry for the non-believers.  There is nothing wrong with believing.  I believe in God; I believe in my friend's Deity which is different from my own; I believe in luck; I believe in fate; I believe my best days are ahead of me; I believe in the endless capacity of people to change; I just believe.  

My beliefs have been challenged by people.  People have hurt me; people have lied to me; people have cheated me; people have gone out of their way to damage me.  But, I still believe.  If I can believe in the human spirit after all this, I have no problem believing in a fancy deck of cards.  

So, I went to see this Tarot Reader.  She was excited that I was there.  She said she had seen me often in our small town and she always wanted to tell me something.  She said that I had really old eyes and that I had lived probably a hundred lives, but the life I was living now, was one that I chose.  I had chosen to be born and to live this life.  I don't know what she said after that.  

This meant that I had chosen my parents.  At the time, I was working as a Child Welfare Worker. Almost every working day, I thought, "this poor child didn't make a very good choice in picking their parents".   This thought was only in irony, of course.  No child ever asked to be born.  Children don't owe us anything.  Anyone lucky enough to have a child should do nothing but provide for that child, and if they are not capable of doing so, they should ask for help.  The child should be the center of any parent's universe.  

We don't get to choose our family, yet someone was telling me that I chose mine.  This was huge.  I have reflected many times of what I chose.  I chose two complicated people to be my parents.  My parents were far from perfect, but, they were perfect for me.  Apparently, I knew that my father was quite old when he sired me and that he would likely pass before he would see much of my adulthood. But, I chose him anyway.  He gave me the most amazing childhood filled with laughter and love. Apparently, I knew that my mom would challenge me on everything and that would lead me to be the person I am, completely comfortable in my own skin, and a bit of a spitfire.  Take me, or leave me, that's your choice.  I fully acknowledge that I am a deeply flawed human being, but I also pledge to have an endless supply of compassion and understanding.  

Today, the term family is looser than ever.  People are choosing to reject others that they are only bound to by blood.  It takes more than blood to make a family.

So, if I chose my parents, then, I am guessing I have the choice to determine who else I want in my family.  I know who I am going to choose.  Of course, it goes without saying that I would choose my children.  I'm saying this from a completely objective point of view and without bias, they are, without a doubt, the coolest people on this planet.   But, there are other people I would choose.....


I am going to choose my dad's girlfriend.
I am going to choose Phil Collins.  I have always felt he would make a very cool Uncle.
I am going to choose all of my Aunts who are not really my Aunts but love me anyway.
I am going to choose all of the cast and characters of Modern Family.
I am going to choose every victim of bullying because they need love.
I am going to choose every bully because they also need love and understanding.
I am going to choose Leslie Jones because she is my favorite cast member on SNL.
I am definitely going to choose James Cordon.
I am going to choose chefs who are proficient in making Thai food.
I will choose Michelle Obama.
I will even choose President Trump because I feel sorry for him and maybe he needs to be part of an eclectic family.
I will also choose Sara Bareilles because said wrote a song called "I Choose You".

Basically, I would not be choosy.  I would welcome anyone into my family that wanted to join.

Throughout history, our great leaders have been the ones who have reached out, formed alliances, and empowered.  Those who have been successful have been the ones who have had platforms of inclusion.  Those who have been segregates or isolationists have never survived.

In my country, we are encouraged to stand up and proclaim, "We are all Treaty People".  This means that ultimately we are all the same family and if we thought of each other as family, we might have less conflict if we concentrated on what we have in common rather than what divides us.

I guess that means that I am not the only one who can choose who they decide to call family.  The definition is open.  You can always choose your family.  You can also choose to be part of more than one family system.  

They say home is where the heart is; family is where people know you and love you despite of that.