Does the Valuation Measure the Value?
Obviously, I am thinking that they are not "worth" what I would choose to eat. Which I don't believe is what I think or what I intend to think. I remember times in my life when I had literally a few dollars to get me through a week or longer. There is one thing to borrow the cost of a lunch from a friend by saying you will get the next one. I remember a time when I was in literal need and I had to ask a friend to borrow $40. I lost sleep the night before and it was everything of my pride to ask her and I was in tears. She said no. We are no longer friends. I guess it was my fault. I created a power imbalance. I put her in a position of power. When she said no, I couldn't face her anymore because I felt I couldn't count on her.
On the reverse, I once loaned an acquaintance $20. It wasn't a big deal. She just didn't want to get an ATM and was short $20. She was going to pay me back the next day. She obviously forgot because I never saw that money again and it was money very well spent. I don't think she really forgot because she coincidentally stopped talking to me.. Like I said, money very well spent.
It is sad that we often measure value in terms of money. Before my daughter was born, we remodeled my son's bedroom to make a fuss over him. The remodel included a royal blue bedspread. He is going to be 27 in a few months and still has his "blue blankie" which is not even the same colour anymore and it is hard to call it a blanket anymore. But, he was a child of divorce and that "blue blankie" was his transition object and he still values it even though it is worth nothing monetary. We all have something, sometimes many things that are worth nothing monetarily, but are priceless to us.
We are in a society where we spend publicly and save privately. We have convinced ourselves that money is the only thing that is worth anything. The one thing that I am convinced of is that simply obtaining will never get you ahead. Scattering seeds may lead to growth that you can not even anticipate. I know that has happened several times in my life.
I also had a lesson about value earlier this month. It started on December 27. I became to feel ill. By New Year's Eve, I was unable to go anywhere but a toilet. The human body is remarkable in that it doesn't remember the sensation of pain. We remember being in pain but we never remember the intensity. This is one of the reasons we survive as a species. Women make the decision to have more children because their body has forgotten the pain of labour.
Anyway, I was ill for over two weeks and then it took another two weeks to feel like myself. As I was as ill as I ever was, my partner was diagnosed with pneumonia for the second time in three months. We were both wallowing in self-pity. He hit the wall on January 5 and was at his lowest point. I hit the same wall on January 7. Maybe because it was Ukrainian Christmas and I couldn't celebrate my heritage. I was pretty low.
Remarkably, even though we both felt a sense of desperation and hopelessness, we didn't turn on each other. We were both being very melodramatic but we never turned our emotions against each other. Pretty remarkable. On that night, he just held me close and we never said a word. Having someone who valued me so much was priceless. Now that I am feeling better, I am overwhelmed with blessings and determined to keep scattering seeds.
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