Mental Health Promotion
I didn't understand the stigma until about 10 years ago. It was about that time that I told my boyfriend that I felt that he had depression. It turned out to be a turning point in his life. He spent so much of his life watching others seemingly go through life effortlessly and not understanding why his life was so hard. He didn't understand why he always struggled to smile. He became so excited that he might have a treatable disease. He made an appointment with his medical provider for diagnosis and medication and began therapy. He started reading everything he could and started to change his life for the better.
To the shock of both of us, after he became open about his depression, he encountered stigma. From some of his friends. They didn't want to hear the word depression and ended the friendship. Even more shocking, some of his family members would have preferred that he never learned the word. They didn't want anyone thinking that there was anything "wrong" in their family.
Regardless, his life was changing for the better and there was no stopping him. He began to take every opportunity that he was given to learn and grow. He took a wellness course at his work offered by an organization devoted to mental health promotion. It was such a positive experience for him and he realized that he wanted to give back. He started volunteering with the organization and he found that being public with his depression and anxiety played a significant role in maintaining his health. He documents his depression in a blog called struggling to smile. His hope is that he may contribute to ending the stigma and he has been told that he has helped a few people. He would take every opportunity to volunteer for this organization as sharing hope was something that keeps him healthy and motivated when times get tough. We all know times do get tough.
The organization then changed its direction or had financial restraints or something. But, whatever happened, the position of Volunteer Coordinator was eliminated and events that were previously run by volunteers were now run by staff. My man was sad. Volunteering to spread the message of mental health awareness was very fulfilling to him. He also met a lot of good friends. We are now told that #EveryActionMatters and we both do a lot of things that matter on an informal basis. We are honoured that many friends seek our support in their mental health journey. We do whatever we can.
Still, volunteering is an important aspect of his life so he was so thrilled to be asked to participate in a program to speak to students about his mental health journey. I didn't think it was going to be a good idea. I wondered how a middle aged man could related to middle school students. I was also worried about him taking time off work. Sadly, for me, since he has begun his mental health journey, he is now empowered to stand up for what he believes in so he disregarded my thoughts. He received weekly training sessions where he polished his "story" and helped support the other volunteers. Finally came his first opportunity to go into the schools to talk to students. After it was over, he was so emotional he could barely share. He was extremely well received and he felt so hopeful about the future. The questions asked were profound and thoughtful. It has been one of his greatest privileges to participate in this program. He eagerly took every advantage he could to participate.
After he had been doing it for a while, he got a cheque in the mail. He remembered something about an honorarium but thought that meant a t-shirt or something like that but it turned out, he would be receiving a small amount of money for each morning he volunteered. The initial cheque was large because it covered so many mornings. The amount of money per session is more than wheat you would pay for lunch but less than he would be earning at work if he didn't volunteer. It turned out he got the cheque because one of the other volunteers inquired about their honorarium so they were all paid.
I wish there was no honorarium at all. Quite simply, it has taken him from one who scatters to one who obtains. I believe those who obtain have little and those who scatter have much.
And, it has changed the experience for him. When volunteers are given opportunities to speak, he feels conflicted. He wants to speak because it is so good for his health, but he also knows other volunteers might need the money more. After every session, he meets with school personnel to debrief. They always give him positive feedback which he cherishes and then they say, "the cheque will be in the mail today." And, there's the rub. He is feeling so positive that he thinks they are being sincere. He thinks he is going to be getting a small cheque in the next couple of days. Like I said, a small amount of money, not really significant. Except, before he started on his mental health journey, he tried to compensate for his struggle to smile by spending lavishly and impulsively. One of the consequences is that he has a fiscally controlling girlfriend who has him on a strict budget. But, while feeling empowered from his speaking experience, he feels I need for a little self-care so he will indulge himself by buying something not in the budget. After all, he knows that his honorarium will be coming. But, it doesn't come. It may go from the school board to the mental health promotion agency But, that seems as far as it goes. For the next little while, he anxiously checks the mailbox until he forgets about it.
Until the next time, he is asked to speak. He doesn't want to mention that he is still owed an honorarium because he doesn't want to look like he is in it for the money. But, it reminds him of it.
No communication from the mental health promotion agency and the clock still goes on. Finally, an opportunity presents itself for him to ask. He asks and the person doesn't know anything about it and will make inquiries. Now, they probably both are embarassed. My guy judges how the accounting person will think of him. Paranoia starts setting in. My guy feels bad for making it looks like he needs the money.
And, it really isn't about the money. It is about commitment. Even though my guy enjoys every speaking opportunity and wishes there was many more, he is putting himself out there to be judged about his journey with mental health. That is an action that should be lauded by the mental health promotion agency. Yet, instead of making an action that matters, they are making him feel cheap by asking for their commitment to him to be honoured. It is a very small amount, but #everyactionmatters.
If this organization doesn't see their volunteers as worthy of honouring their commitments, then people like me are going to start more questions about their actual commitment to mental health promotion.
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