Adele and Those Who (Fat) Shame

So, this is me and one of my besties at Halloween.  We like dressing together and going as a couple.  In case your new to this blog, she is Betty and I am Wilma.  We ordered the costumes online and hers came as a flattering little number.  Mine was basically a white bath-towel that I had to wear leggings and a tank top underneath so that I didn't reveal my who-who and/or boob.  Betty, as I shall refer to her in this entry, is one of the most beautiful people on the inside.  She is kind, compassionate, funny, supportive.  I will love and cherish her forever, but you can sort of understand why she is hard to be friends with.  I mean she is one of the most beautiful people on the outside.  She is simply drop dead gorgeous. When we go out, I am the one holding her purse while he conquers any room. She has never made me feel bad, of course, she is not like that.  But, seriously how can you not feel bad about your body when next to a perfect Betty!!

I started thinking of her today when the news of Brendan Leipsic and his comments made in a private chat group came out.  Leipsic apparently was fat-shaming some women.  Since he is not much of a hockey player, it seems likely he won't play in the NHL again. He has apologized and intends to use this as a learning experience, it likely will become a life-long lesson.  Mostly because, I don't think he has sincerely apologized for what he said or thought, I think he was apologizing for getting caught.  

Fat-shaming has been going on for generations and it seems to be the last thing that is still acceptable for people to discriminate against.  People think that being fat is a personal choice or that the person who is large doesn't have will power, etc.  The reality is that obesity is largely a disease of the poor because it is very expensive to eat healthy, fresh items.  Regardless, people who fat-shame make a lot of assumptions.  

A couple of days ago, Adele released a picture of herself thanking her followers for their birthday wishes and thanking essential workers for their efforts during the pandemic.  I stared and stared at this picture and came to a conclusion.  They got to Adele.  You know, they.  The people who judge, the people who gossip, the people that measure a women's value by her dress size and the lower the better.  I thought we had gotten past that. I really thought that Adele, the voice of this generation, had the self-esteem to be herself and not succumb to fat-shaming.  How do I know that she has?  Well, this picture, in the middle of a global pandemic, has her standing in her garden in stiletto heels and a mini-mini black dress with full make-up and air-tanned legs.  Everyone else, we see in their pjs and roots showing.  This photo of Adele is a photo of a woman who doesn't want anyone to remember her fat.  And, it is so sad.  I thought she looked better before.  I thought she looked beautiful.  The internet is trying to debate how she lost so much weight.  However she did it, her voice will be different.  It will still be great, but it won't be epic.  Changing your whole frame affects how your voice will come out.  

I recently announced that I have lost 20 lbs since January 1.  I still have significantly more weight to lose.  I have been trying to lose weight for decades but this pandemic has affected me.  I used to be a runner, not a jogger, but a runner.  I used to love how my legs and arms felt when I stretched them out to a sprint.  I loved the feeling of being totally in the moment.  With all this staying at home, and me not having any puzzles, I have had a major desire to have that feeling again.  I really want to start jogging again, and I am just trying to get to a weight where it may happen.  

But, fat-shaming is something I know a great deal about.  In my early twenties, I was very unhealthy because I was bulimic.  Basically, I existed on watermelon and vanilla ice-cream.  They were the easiest things to bring up.  Tasted as good coming up as they did going down, and in the case of ice-cream, actually a bit better because it was warmer.  Throwing up wasn't enough for me so I started adding laxatives to my daily diet.  Laxatives work for occasional constipation.  They don't work well when you take a bottle of pills every day.  It is just that I don't do anything half-way, if I was going to be bulimic, I am going to do it well.  I became very unhealthy and two times I made myself really sick.  The first time didn't take.  The second time, I was very ill.  I likely needed medical attention, but was too embarrassed to admit what I was doing.  But, it took.  I stopped being bulimic. Not over night, but I was scared straight.  It took a while to become healthy.  I was a size zero back then.  I still have some dresses.  I have a little black dress that I wore to a Christmas party.  I do not remember anything about the party, other than the dress.  

So, I have been every size from zero to 22.  I think, overall, I was happiest at size 16.  People thought I was smart and confident.  When I was thin, people judged me by my looks and assumed that I was not intelligent.  When I have been over size 16, people start thinking I am lazy, unmotivated, unprofessional, and not very bright.  It is amazing the judgments that society makes.  

We should always be kind.  Judgments are just assumptions.  Almost ten years ago, I met my partners mother as his girlfriend.  I had met her before but I was meeting her as his girlfriend.  She told me right off the bat that she did not approve because I was low class and overweight.  The low class thing still floors me, but, I was grateful that she dismissed me as overweight.  It saved me from many uncomfortable evenings that I was not going to attend because she was there.  

Well, when it comes to prejudice, we have come a long way.  But, for some reason, fat-shaming is the last bastion that people can talk about freely without consequences.  It will also eventually go.  One other thing about my Betty.  Even though she is drop dead gorgeous, she always makes me feel beautiful. That is a true friend.  And, I do feel beautiful regardless of what some low level hockey player thinks about me or anyone else.  I feel sorry for him and hope he learns what is truer measure of beauty.