When Your Father is Over 55 at Your Birth

 Every single individual has a unique story.  Personally, I love hearing people's life journeys, even the ones that are heart-breaking.  I have never not been fascinated or learned something after meeting someone new and learning their path.  

Some of my journey is mundane, some of it has held too much strife, and most of it is blessed.  But, at the very start of my journey put me in a membership of a small club.  My father was over 55 when I was born.  

When I was born, I was already an aunt.  My oldest sister had a son and was pregnant with her second child.  I was only a few months old when I became an aunt again.  At age 3, I became an aunt again twice.  My niece and I spent a great deal of time together while we were growing up.  Really, our relationship was more akin to cousins but she always called me Auntie Shelley.  It might have seemed weird to others looking in, but this was our lives and we didn't know it was weird.  It was just normal for us.  

I don't know if my nieces and nephews felt "cheated" from the grandfather experience because he also was dealing with a newborn.  My sense is they may have felt a little cheated but because of distance.  My one sister and her family lived in a different province and my other sister and her family lived in a different community.  My sense is they all had good relationships with their grandfather.  

But, back to the start of my journey with my dad.  He was over 55 when I was born.  And this was over 55 years ago.  It wasn't a common occurrence then, and frankly, it isn't a common occurrence now.  I have to admit I get a little defensive when a celebrity becomes a father after the age of 55.  Social media can be cruel and there is a lot of talk that this new father is actually being selfish having a child at an advanced age because that father will likely miss out on seeing that child grow into an adult.  

It is true, on some level, and I have talked to people in similar situations, that when your father is older at your birth, you are more conscious of your father's mortality.  

Again, every person's journey is different but I have to tell you about my journey with my dad.  

I had the best dad in the world.  He was my best friend every day of his life.  I think he was the best dad in the world because he was over 55.  He had life experience which afforded him incredible patience and a wonderful sense of humour.  He wasn't worried about establishing his life and hustling to create a home, he was established.  He had time to spend time with me.  He retired when I was in elementary school and then my mother went to work, so it was my dad who participated in all my school activities and drove me to music lessons and all those things.  He was the one who greeted me when I came home from school with home-made cookies and milk.  He had already raised "spirited" children so he knew what to expect and how to handle my adolescent rebellions.  

I can't stress enough how much fun we had together.  Since he had the time, we spent that time together; making waffles from scratch, doing my homework together, doing crossword puzzles together with me on his knee in his favourite chair, riding our bikes together, and just talking and laughing.  And, the thing is, for some reason, I was always conscious about how lucky I was.  I knew I was blessed in having the best dad in the world.  Even when I was "disciplined", I was always aware it was with love and never had hard feelings.  My dad said it best when he was reaching the end of his journey, "Of course, we have always loved each other, but we are so lucky that we never had a day in our lives that we didn't like each other."   Yeah, I had the best dad in the world.  

He passed when I was 26.  I have lived more of my life without him than I did with him but we crammed a lot of togetherness in that 26 years.  I still grieve him and there is something that causes me to think of him every day.  Most of the time I laugh when I think of him as I think of something he said or something he would say.  

Last night when I thought of my dad, I shed a tear.  You see, someone made an assumption about a parent over the age of 55.  My husband and I are both over 55 (slightly).  We attended a session for prospective foster parents.  Since we disclosed our ages, it was strongly implied that we were too old to make the commitment to be foster parents.  We were told to "do the math" to determine how old we would be if a child placed in our care would graduate from high school.  

Well, as a child whose father was over 55 when I was born, I actually don't have to "do the math" because I lived the math.  Like I said, I was blessed.  I had the best dad in the world.  Not to mention the world has changed.  People who are older are younger.  50 is the new 30, etc.  Conversely, people who are younger are older.  

Regardless, everyone has their own journey.  I honestly find everyone's journey remarkable and I love learning from people.  Maybe, that is because of the uncommon start to my journey.