Monday Night at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

It is about 7:30 pm and Donald and Melania are spending a quiet evening watching tv.

"Someone named @shelleyaireland said that my son is gay.  He's not, is he?"

"He is still a little boy and he hasn't expressed this.  As his mother, I will support and love him no matter what."

"You're his mother!  I thought my Czechoslavakian wife was his mother?"

"Donald, I am the mother of Barron." 

"Whose Barron?"

"Donald, he is our son together, and you have two other sons?|"

"Three sons?  I wonder who the third is, never mind, I can't be distracted, Don, Jr is not gay, is he?"

"He has propositioned me several times, inappropriately, and I have told him that I have slept with one Trump and have regretted it ever since.  No, he is not gay." 

"Whew, that is a relief.  I didn't think so as whenever I see him, he always has a bunch of kids around him and he loves guns.  Why is this Ireland person saying that I said he is gay?"

"Donald, I have tried to explain humour to you.  You tweeted "Don, Jr. is coming out with a book. and she just used the first few words of this tweet to be funny." 

"Melania, I will never understand humour.  Thanks for continuing to try.  I wonder if I can get the Ukrainians to dig up dirt on her." 

"I don't think the Ukrainians are the one to ask.  She is Ukrainian." 

"Melania, I should appoint you to my inner security circle, how were you able to uncover the information that she is a Ukrainian operative?"

"I didn't say she was an operative.  I said she was Ukrainian.  See, it says so right here on her profile."

"I can't be bothered with your investigative knowledge right now.  I will just ask one of my people to delete her."

"You mean her delete her twitter account?|"

"Ok, sure.  Look at that Sean Spicer on Dancing With the Stars.  He get to spend a week with a hot young half naked dancer and he gets to touch her everywhere.  I am so jealous.  When I finish this gig, I hope I can get on this show and I hope I get a 20 year old hot dancer.  I have called in a few favours and he is going to win this election.  What is the prize, by the way?"

"Donald, it is not an election, it is a contest, and the prize is a trophy."

"A trophy?  That's it.  Why have I wasted all my energy in supporting this clown.  He is the worst dancer on the show?  I called in the Russians to meddle in this vote.  I hate to throw that Kentucky Governor under the bus.  He might not win the election because of this.  Melania, don't you have some sort of power to stop the cyber-bullying against me?" 

"Donald, I am not going to explain cyber-bullying to you again.  You are never going to understand it.  I've had enough of you for tonight.  Go to your own bedroom."

"Melania, please, can't I stay a little longer.  You know I can't figure out the remote control for the tv in my bedroom."

"Donald, go away.  Plus, I just heard the delivery of Popeye Chicken Sandwiches has arrived."

"Oh, I love those sandwiches.  I have ordered the complete supply from their restaurants in the poor neighbourhoods.  It is so funny watching them fight each other over a sandwich."

"All the poor neighbourhoods in Washington?  Donald, you are so petty."

"No, all the poor neighbourhoods in the country?  What is the point of being President is you can't weild your power.   Good night Melania, I think I might want to talk to the media twice tomorrow, once at 11:30 am and again at 3:00 pm."

"Ok, I will tell your staff to make sure the helicopters are going at that time."

|"Thank you, my love, you know that I love to scream.  Will I see you tomorrow evening?"

"Good night.  You know that my contract says that I only need to see you privately two nights a week.  See you Thursday.:


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