People Are Not Pronouns !!!!
Before I go on my rant, I want you to look at the picture. That is me, smiling !! I smile a lot. I am generally a happy person. I don't spend all of my life looking for what is wrong. I really am an optimist and a dreamer. My partner tells me I laugh too often and too loudly. As if, that is a thing. I love to laugh and look for the lighter side of life. One day, many years ago, a friend of mine and I planned to meet each other at Montreal Canadiens vs Wpg Jets 1.0 game at the Forum. We decided to go at the last minute and we would just meet each other and purchase scalped tickets. (Statue of Limitations has expired.) When I got there, I realized how ridiculous it was to meet there among 15,000 other people without a set meeting point. But, I bought a ticket anyway. Even though I was by myself, my friend found me 10 minutes into the first period having heard me laugh in the very loud Forum. The point is, I am a happy person, most of the time.
Yet, nothing seems to get me going like being referred to as "she" and "her" while I am sitting right there. I don't care what you call me behind my back, but when I am in your presence and if you feel the need to refer to me, have the respect for the fact that I have a pulse, by knowing my name.
A serving person (who wants a tip) would never say to my dining partner, "and what does she want?" That is like fingers on a chalk board. That would be like saying I am not capable of speaking for myself or the message that I am not capable of placing a dining order. My mother was in a wheelchair for her last two years, but, health care staff would never say, "Is she is any pain today?" That would never assume that she didn't have capacity to speak for herself.
That is exactly what is being done when you refer to someone as a "she/her/him/he". Yes, I have realized that it is not a female thing. That guy smiling in the picture with me was volunteering at an event over the weekend. He brought me a glass of water and while he was standing talking to me, someone tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a message for "him." Really. The person was actually closer to "him" than to me, but, for some reason felt the need to treat him like a pronoun. For the record, I didn't have to pass on the message because "he" heard.
Living in Winnipeg, one of the most moving experiences you can have is going to the Canadian Human Rights Museum. Every time I go, I have a profound experience but it is always a different experience. One of the things that impresses me how little time has passed since we have achieved basic human rights for all. It is only a few generations ago that black people were considered property. Women have only been voting for about a century. The first Indian Act in Canada declared that Indians were people. I am only calling it the Indian Act because that was what it was called. Let that sink in for a minute the original people occupying this land called Canada had to be declared that they were people by a bunch (largely) of white people. Many people will argue that basic human rights are still not afforded to everyone. For some reason, there are still ones that have a problem with other people's business. Like thinking they should weigh in who people choose to love or what they do with their bodies. If we don't start standing up for human rights, they will disintegrate.
When you refer to a person as pronoun, you are telling that person that they are not worthy of the time it would take to ask you your name.
I don't know if people have been out of their homes over the last two years, but it is a disturbing world. We have an opiod crisis, we have record violence, we have an unprecedented number of people experiencing home insecurity. Many people say we need to start communicating more with each other. More listening to people. We are in this together and we need to talk to one another to solve our problems.
How do we expect to be part of the solution if we are communicating people by giving them the message that they are not important enough to learn their name? It is so disrespectful.
I also want to go on record with saying that I am not perfect. I still up all the time. I think one of the reasons that I do it is that it is so socially acceptable. We allow people to do it all the time and we never call them on it. I have several amazing friends. One of my amazing friends actually asks the name of everyone she talks to. Seriously, a serving person will come and take her order, and she will say, "Hi, my name is Kerran. What is your name?" What an amazing example. It takes just a couple of seconds and people she speaks to actually seem to stand or sit a little taller. People like to be called by their name (or by the name of their choice.)
I want you to know that I am saying this not just because I have a cool name. I am Miss Ireland, after all. I am telling you this because it is basic common sense, but, regrettably not common practice. Referring to a person by the name of their choice is the quickest and easiest message that you respect that person.
A car is an "it". (Ironically, people who tend to refer to people as pronouns name their cars and would never refer to their car as anything other than that name.) A computer is a "thing". People are not "its" or "things" or "pronouns".
In addition to people having a pulse, they also have feelings. They also have independent thoughts and are prone to making judgments, particularly about those who refer to them as pronouns.
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