Father does not know best

I am a Law and Order junkie.  The original series was always my favorite, especially the early years.  SVU has evolved and continues to be one of the best series on network television.  Criminal Intent was my least liked of the franchise but still had many memorable moments.  One of the most profound moments for me was a scene between Goren and Eames.  They were working a class involving murders targeting doctors who performed abortions.   Eames asked Goren about his views on abortion.  Goren declined to answer saying, "I will tell you when I have a uterus."  

Goren's character had unusual knowledge about every subject in the book, it seemed.  His character was almost savant like and he was almost a walking Wikipedia of facts.  Yet, when it came to an issue involving women's reproductive organs, he was smart enough to defer to women.  This proved to me that the character was genius.  

Why can't more men be like Goren?  Why can't more men defer on issues that don't affect them?  

In the year of the Silence Breakers and the spread of the #MeToo, we have found ourselves at a cultural tipping point.  As we move forward as a society, we will be moving through uncharted territory but hopefully one that will begin to eradicate sexual harassment.  I understand completely that there are many victims who happen to be male and their suffering deserves acknowledgement however, we can't deny that this historically is a female issue.  

It has existed so long because the victims were at a power imbalance with their perpetrators.  Feminists have been saying for decades that this issue is not about sex, but about power and control.  This past year, some powerful men have come to this realization and have professed this profoundly as if they were the first to utter this.  It is both ironic and unfortunate that males have actually provided the legitimacy to this issue, but atleast it has come.  Perhaps had it come a decade earlier, it might have saved countless victims.  

Regardless, we are here at the summit and the consensus is that sexual harassment will no longer be tolerated and victims no longer have to be afraid to speak out.  We want things to change.  

So, why, when things are going well, does a man feel it is necessary to assert his views on society?Matt Damon is the latest celebrity to discuss this issue publicly.  There is no question that this man is an extremely talented actor.  He most certainly is the most of the best actors of his generation.  However, that doesn't mean that he is an authority on any other issue, particularly on what it is like to be a victim.  His net worth is close to $200 Million.  He made his first movie at age 18.  He lists the struggle in his life to being having trouble defining his identity as a teenager.  That is not a struggle, that is actually what adolescence is about.  

Matt Damon commentary about the subject is that the good men (including himself) are not getting enough credit for being good and not sexually harassing.  Oh my goodness.  Yes, that is the real tragedy here; Matt Damon not getting enough credit.  

He further goes on to say that there is a sliding scale for victims and their suffering and we don't need to be concerned about the ones who just had minor offences perpetrated on them.  Isn't that why we have a problem to begin with?  Victims staying silent because they fear they won't be believed or because they have talked themselves into believing that their abuse was minor or didn't happen.  Victims have believed that they were complicit in their abuse because of how they dressed, etc.  Victims have believed that they misinterpreted what was happening to them.  Someone should explain the grooming process to Matt Damon.  On second thought, no.  Matt Damon should just decide that he needs to defer on this issue.  

As a man who is a deep influence on societal norms, he needs to accept that with this power, he also has a responsibility and, on this issue, he needs to let the victims lead us.  His job on this issue is to listen.   

What happens when a man tells a woman the degree to which she is allowed to express pain is what has led us to this point.  A point where sexual harassment and sexual exploitation is rampant.  We will never move forward until this patriarchal view of the world changes.  What men like Matt Damon have done is essentially a form of bullying.  Telling people they have been lucky to only been abused "minorly".  Sexual harassment is wrong and there are no degrees of wrong.  It is just wrong.