Having a Bad Day - I Get It

The person who owns this car is having a bad day.  Car trouble on Portage Avenue on a Friday evening across from the MTS Centre. This was taken about an hour before a Jets game.  Also, there was a Bomber game.  Portage Avenue was going to be quite busy very soon.  The car would have to be towed.  This would cause some confusion and delays in traffic.  Road rage happens very quickly and the people who would be delayed by a few seconds would be thinking they were having a bad day.  It sometimes amazes me how little empathy we have, especially since the vast majority of us have been there.  Car trouble seems to happen at the most inconvenient place and the most inconvenient time.  

Something bad happened to me in 2003.  It was a traumatic event and I suffered emotionally for a long time after.  I didn't have panic attacks, I had hour long periods of convulsion.  I cried a million tears and seemed to cry all the time.  A stranger would look at me and I would start crying and shaking.  And that came after 6 months of never leaving my home.  It was a dark time.  I think the recovery was worse than the event and that is because of the "injustice" system.  Statistics support this.  I read a newspaper article in connection with the #MeToo movement that says only 3 in 1000 of perpetrators spend time incarcerated.  I don't want to condemn our justice system too much, because it is all we have, however, one thing that I can say is that justice is never quick.  That leads to two problems for victims.  The first is that it delays the healing.  You can't heal until you have closure.  It takes a long time and in the end, closure doesn't seem like closure.  After holding on to your pain for a long period of time, you feel traumatized by the system and then you have even more to heal from.  The second problem that is if you do start to heal, your pain doesn't seem to be credible.  There are basic no positives to being a victim.  Regardless, one day I knew I was ready to heal.  My healing process wasn't a journey, it was a fight.  I fought to get my life back. It was a combination of a support system, a great team of professionals, medication, and support groups.  And me.  I fought hard.  I took risks.  I cried.  I got angry.  I cried.  I questioned things.  I laughed.  I faced fears.  I made friends with my flashbacks because they were just reminders of how strong I was.  I learned to listen to my body and to give it what it needed.  I set strong boundaries in my personal life.  

I started focusing on what I had and what I could have rather than focus on what I had lost.  It was a long three years but I felt better.  One of the blessings that I had acquired was that I realized what was a problem and what wasn't.  

My car stalling on Portage Avenue on Friday night before a Jets game?  That wouldn't be a problem.  It would be inconvenient, but not a problem.  I became actually grateful for my trauma.  It made me a better person and gave me more perspective.  Life was good, again.

Then, about two years ago, I suffered a relatively minor psychological injury.  By minor, I mean that  it would probably be minor to everyone else and it was no where near the trauma I suffered before.  However, this injury affected me deeply.  There were several reasons for this, however, essentially, I led my resistance down.  I was working too many hours for too long a period of time.  I was letting my personal and professional boundaries blur.  I wasn't getting enough sleep.  I wasn't doing things which caused enjoyment in my life and I wasn't active nor taking care of my physical health.  It was like I hadn't taken by psychological "flu" shot.  I had no resiliency left.  

So, I was back where my car stalling on Portage Avenue would be a tragedy.  Had that happen, I would have cried, gone into debilitating panic, and be paralyzed with fear.  Basically, I could go from 0% on the anxiety scale to a full 95% in less than a minute.  So, if you are having a bad day, believe me, I get it.  

I also know there is an alternative.  It takes work but you can learn to calm your emotions. You can remember that you have been through worse and survived and you are going to survive this.  You can have your own "bad day" tool box which contains affirmations and instructions on how to breathe and what strategies you can use to get through your bad day.  Instructions on how to breathe?  Yes, believe me, when you are having a bad day, you often forget how to breathe properly to calm yourself.  

Today, I almost had a bad day.  I haven't checked on my investments lately since the market has tanked, so I thought I would get the bad news.  I went on the web site and it wouldn't let me log in.  My mind and my body wanted to panic and start experiencing out of control anxiety.  I wouldn't allow that to happen.  I took a deep breathe and started to be curious.  It turned out the website was under maintenance.  

Having a bad day is easy.  Having a good day can be more difficult and require some work, but, it is really worth it.  

#Countyourblessings