Blog or white ... because it never is.

 I haven't seen this smiley face in the mirror for a while.  Actually, I just started looking in the mirror again over the last couple of days.  That signals to me that my crisis has passed.  Crisis may seem like too strong of a word, but, not that, I am a little on the other side, I feel I want to share.  My goal is to help people check in on those who are vulnerable with their mental health.  I never thought I was really that vulnerable.  I mean, I know I have extreme anxiety and deep clinical depression, but, I have always had the occasional good day, so I never considered myself that vulnerable.   It sort of snuck up on me and I didn't even realize what was happening to me.  I started giving things away and things that I couldn't give away, I started throwing out.  I was actually pleased that I felt it was a burst of energy that I was doing something. Than, I started packing up boxes.  I am not moving but I started packing ...

 It's just after midnight and my heart is racing and all the deep breathing is not helping slow it down.  I would like to go for a long walk.  Just trying to get my heart to slow and exhaust my body. I know it's late but I know where I would be going and I feel I would take all reasonable precautions going through a lighted area.  But, the curfew.  I know it is not in effect yet.  I know the feedback is just an exercise.  It is coming.  So, is Christmas.  So, is a horrible tone in society.  The US Election is not decided but I it is a loss for America.  Deep division remains.  It seems that this division is in Manitoba as well. Our Premier is playing the blame game and not accepting responsibility.  Our Health Minister is not someone who we can respect, quite frankly.  Questioning motives of doctors in expressing concerns about caring for Manitobans.  Essentially, our elected MLAs not even allowing a question fro...

  I know I should be more upset about the new labour laws introduced by our Provincial Conservatives, but, I am just not.  Of course, I am appalled by their timing which is simply tone deaf.  We are fighting a pandemic and but doing a good job at present.  That should be our only focus right now. Quite frankly, the new restrictions put in place are going to significantly affect unionized workers. The new restrictions put in place are a result of us not adhering to basic public health guidelines.   But, what do we expect?  This is the same government whose Health Minister won't denounce an anti-mask group when the non-partisan Chief Provincial Health Officer is telling us that we need to get back to basics and wear a mask.  Again, the Health Minister.  The Health Minister not the Economic Development Minister.  Not that would be any less inappropriate but the Health Minister should at least pretend to care about health.   Regard...

  I have a friend.  Sadly, that is the headline.  I have a friend.   Anyway, this friend is an ex-employee of Revera.  Revera is a company that can't decide if they are a Real Estate company that provides long-term care or if they are a Long-Term Care company that also has retirement residences.  Well, that is what the company tells people.  They tell people that they hold both lines of business equally and they are of equal importance.  In reality, they have decided a while ago.  They changed their charity of choice from Alzheimer Society to Habitat for Humanity.  That wasn't a dog whistle, it was a clear signal.  They value their fancy shmancy retirement residences and they view their long term care facilities as complicated and too regulated.  And, this was long before we had even heard of Covid19.   Regardless, my friend needs a little social media help.  My friend would like to set up a twitter account ...

  A couple of weeks ago, before the outbreak at Parkview Place exceeded that of Prince Edward Island, a resident gave an interview to the Free Press about conditions inside the home.   Let that one sit in.  Parkview Place is a personal care home with a capacity of 275 beds.  An anonymous source providing information from the inside.  The inmates at any penal institution have more access to the outside world.  Regardless, this resident wanted to remain anonymous because s/he was afraid of repercussions from staff or management.   Excuse me?  What repercussions could there be?  There could only be two:  abuse or neglect.  There are several types of abuse and different forms of neglect.  As it turns out, from the limited information that we can get out of the facility, that resident has reason to be concerned.  But, wait, there are safeguards against this.  There is the Office for Protection of Person's in Care...

  Don't hate me because I am beautiful.  Yeah, I am beautiful, especially to the two people who opinion of me matter the most to me; my grandson and me.  So, I am not insecure about who I am, I am beautiful.  But, I am also fat.  It is not subject to opinion.  It is science.  It is my body mass index.  My husband's mother opines about how fat I am, and this gives her some sort of happiness, so bless her.  But, it is only helpful to her.  It doesn't matter how fat I am, I am fat.  I am trying to do something about it but my health sake, but even if I jettison 100 or more lbs, I will still be beautiful.  My self-esteem is not defined by my weight.  However, again, I am fat.   So, if I ask anyone if I look fat in these pants, I answer should be yes.  The reason I look fat is because I am fat.   But, if I asked Amy Coney Barrett, apparently a genius-level mind, if I looked fat in these pants, she would...

  Do you know Taylor Lakhyrst?  You should.  Follow her on twitter.  It will make you feel good about life.  I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her, but she represents so much of what brings me joy.  She is a young woman who is fearless and passionate while marching forward on her personal journey.  We need more people to be passionate.  We need more people engaged with the world around her.   She is on my radar because she is doing everything in her power to hold Energy 106, and its advertisers, accountable for this horrific decision to hire the fucktard masquerading as a human being with the initials DW.  She is pretty relentless. That is great but not only is she relentless, she is approaching this intelligently and thoughtfully.  She is better than I am.  She continues to try and engage 106 in a dialogue about this looking for solutions.   Again, better than I am. There is nothing 106 can do to get me back...

  It seems that everything that happens in America happens in Canada a little while after.  Which is a good thing when it comes to things like chicken sandwiches, but, it also makes me shudder.  On this day, when we are giving thanks, one of the things we are giving thanks for is that we are not America.   The one thing I never thought we would have to deal with is voter suppression.  Let's face it, we don't even understand what that means.  I have worked on election day in two different provinces in all three levels of government.  I take the day off from my regular job and work a 12-14 hour day without a break for little money and it is always a great day.  You meet the best people.  People who show up to vote are generally hopeful and happy.  It is pure joy.  It takes some training to work in an election.  The training is about how to make sure every vote is counted.  Much of the training has to do with what happen...

  This is a big jar of Kraft peanut butter.  It reminds me to be thankful.   Every holiday season I make sure that I am involved in sponsoring a family and putting together a Christmas Cheer hamper.  Making sure a hamper is meaningful and effective requires a little bit of thought and planning.  You have to be realistic about your group that it putting together the hamper.  Can you effectively support a single person or can you take on a large group?  Will your group collect the items that will be needed and appreciated rather than the items they think will be appreciated?  How much money will your group be able to collect in order to supplement the hamper with some perishables?  When do you want to deliver the hamper to make the most impact for the family?  If you are taking on a family with many children, will your group have the spirit to ensure that each member of the family has at least one special and unique gift to open?...

This is going to be unbearably long because it is going to tell you how to build a successful life and that is long and complicated.   When people tell you who they are, you need to believe them.  A little over two years ago I attended a public information meeting about the, proposed, Bruce Oake Recovery Centre.  Before attending this meeting, BORC was just an item on the news.  I was in favour of the recovery centre, of course, and just assumed that everyone would be in favour of it.  It was a no brainer for me.  I had no personal investment in the centre.  It was just the right thing to do.  I had heard that there was opposition to the centre being built on the old Vimy Arena site. I had a hard time understanding why anyone would be opposed to helping people, especially men in recovery.  I used to work with men in recovery and they would be on the most beautiful/painful journeys of their lives.  I assumed people in opposition just...

  2020 will go down in my history for many reasons.  Lots has happened and some of it has been good.  I have a notebook that I carry around with me so I can write things down. For the past couple of years, we have been keeping track of the good things that happen to us each month.   One good thing that has happened to me in 2020 is that I have made a new friend.  We, literally, have nothing in common.  He is in his early twenties but there is no generation gap.  I think he is delightful and he recognizes how cool I am.  We enjoy each other.  Our relationship is joy.   Due to increasing number of cases and restrictions, we really can't see each other.  That should make me sad but it actually makes me hopeful and motivated.  If we all do our part, we can flatten the curve and restrictions will relax again.  I can't wait to see him again because I know there will be laughter.   A few days ago, I was singin...

  First of all, I have never believed that the customer is always right  And, I teach customer service.  I believe that the customer is not always right but always has a perspective.   I think the first person to challenge the notion that the customer was Herb Kelleher.  Herb was the co-founder of Southwest Airlines.  His vision was a discount airline. It is important to know that Herb was already a successful businessman and billionaire.  Initially, the airline wasn't the success that Herb thought it could be so he became CEO to become more involved.  He doubled down on the discount part of his business model.  At a time when airlines were still serving full meals, Southwest was offering no in-flight service.  He also wanted the flexibility that having no pre-assigned seating would give the airline.  So, when you got your boarding pass, you got a random seating assignment.  Not only was there no "business class", there wa...

  Happy heavenly 85th birthday to my mom.  I will love her forever.  I wish I was more like her. She was so compassionate, and had such a great sense of humour.  She was so smart.  And, she wasn't afraid of anything.   I am afraid.  Afraid all the time.  It may be an irrational fear, but, nonetheless, it is a fear that I have.  Even now.  I want to express my love for my mom and I have to edit myself.  I have to think and think of the blog title.  I can't have any reference in the title that might prompt them to read it.  They monitor my social media.  They think everything I post is an affront to them.  So, I have to gaslight myself.  I guess this is why I post so much about politics, to avoid posting my personal feelings so that I don't offend them in any way.  I can't even post that I love my dead mother because they will think that is an insult to their mother.  I have seen their fury and ...

  I just love to marry.  Seriously, I have married many of my colleagues and friends.  For the most part, it has worked out really well.   I am a Marriage Commissioner.  It is a great gig.  The opportunity to be part of someone's "happily ever after" is pretty awesome.  It seems "love" is not as much in the air as I wish it would be.  I know I will always need much love in my life.  Going to weddings is a great way to be a part of someone's life.   I am always grateful for anyone who asks me to be part of this day and I don't take it for granted.  I want to make sure that I am providing them a personalized ceremony worthy of their story.  I always ask them about how they got engaged.   I used to say to the groom, "How did you propose?"  I don't ask that anymore because a few years ago, I realized how misogynist that question is.  Why was I assuming that the groom proposed to the bride?  Very s...

  The Chief Public Health Officer issued some new Orders today that largely affect those businesses that serve alcohol.  These Orders are the result of many risks for exposure occurred during those hours that would be particularly popular for pub crawlers. So, there will be no alcohol served in licensed premises from 10 pm - 9 am.  They will have to close earlier.   City Hall has reacted swiftly and is giving these establishments a 10% tax break because they will be losing business.   I get the sentiment behind this.  They are responding to their constituents by offering them some relief to offset loss of revenue.   I don't like it.  Frankly, it seems like a knee jerk action.  More than just pubs and bars are dealing with financial difficulties as a result of Coronavirus.  A little tone deaf that you are quick to help them.  I am friends with a server who is going to lose hours and tips. She already can't afford her m...

  For me, 2020 is the year of tears.  Everything makes me cry and today I am remembering the incredible teachers who positively impacted my life from grades 1-12.  I wish I could say K-12 but I didn't go to Kindergarten, but that is another story. I was reminded yesterday that Dauphin was the location of the Minimum Basic Income experiment from 1975-1979.  I had no knowledge of this until a few years ago.  Dauphin was chosen because it was small, relatively isolated, and had a significant amount of its population that would benefit from a minimum basic income.  Given Dauphin's challenges, I am still blown away by the exceptional education that I received at Henderson Elementary School; MacKenzie Junior High School; and the alphabet school, Dauphin Regional Comprehensive Secondary School.   These are just random thoughts and I am sure I am missing some of the innovative educators who positively impacted my life.   Mr. Suderman. Put the pa...

  My mother's favorite media personality was Don Lemon.  For some reason, I feel obligated to watch Don Lemon most evenings in order to honour my mother's memory.  I have noticed that Don, and so many other political analysts keep confusing the issues with facts.  Don, especially, seems to have this nasty habit of making good points in discussion.  Seriously.  How can people continue to defend Trump with all these people bringing up good points and inconvenient facts?  The reality is that America needs to start giving Trump the gratitude that he deserves.   Think about it.  He has singularly saved the publishing industry. Who was reading books five years ago?  No one.  Now, every day, there is a new book out "telling all" about the President.  They are either "telling all" or "sucking up".  Regardless,  books everywhere, you just can't keep track.  No one has ever seen anything like it.   That is n...

  I think I reached the end of the internet in May.  We also reached the end of new releases in Netflix in June. Then, I found Cobra Kai.  I can not recommend it highly enough.  It is just pure joy.  Pure joy but I will forewarn you, there are moments when you have to see the forest for the trees. But, hang in there, you will find the joy and the life lessons.   One of the uncomfortable moments is when Eli Moskowitz joins Cobra Kai. Eli has a scar on his lip and he is often bullied because of it.  He is bullied about it by the Sensei but the Sensei also gives him an important message.  If you don't like your narrative, you can change it.  The next day, Eli comes back with one of the best mohawks that I have ever seen on a teenager.  Not only does his appearance change, his personality does as well.  He is never known as Eli again in the series, he is Hawk.  He changed the narrative.  You absolutely have to watch this ...

  My mental health was fragile this morning.  It became extremely fragile after a phone call from the Registered Dietitian who is also a Certified Diabetes Educator from my Primary Care Clinic.  It took me a while to get it back from extremely fragile to just fragile.  I am grateful that the WRHA has a Mobile Crisis Service.  I called and received a compassionate and excellent intervention.  This story is humiliating to share and I am only doing so because I don't want another person, who may even be more fragile than me, to experience this.  The RD called me to inform me that she was calling at the request of my NP.  I am familiar with the RD and I know she doesn't like me.  Of course, that will be denied by the RD, but, trust me, when you have mental illness you develop super-powers to help you navigate life. My super-power is that I know when someone doesn't like me.  Regardless, she was phoning to share my lab result and my A1C. The ...

  1.  If your supporters are urging/begging you to denounce  to white supremacist groups, chances are you have NOT denounced white supremacist groups   2.  If your comments result in the largest increase in people wanting to join white supremacist groups, chances are you have NOT denounced white supremacist groups.   3.  If a white supremacist group are excited and invigorated by your remarks, chances are you have NOT denounced white supremacist groups.   4.  If a white supremacist group is "merchandising your comments" in the form of t-shirts, key chains, etc, chances are you have NOT denounced white supremacist groups.   Do you see a pattern...........and, for clarity If you have not actually denounced white supremacist groups, you don't have the moral compass necessary to hold public office.  

  I know of at least three trolls that monitor my social media.  I put on my happy mask and pretend I am not affected by this.  I understand that two of my trolls are just doing a job, so I actually respect them. (It sounds much more mysterious than it actually is.)   The third troll causes a visceral reaction in me.  Basically, that means my body instantly reacts before I can even think or process. This troll expresses dissatisfaction for my social media entries to another person and immediately I am fearful.  I don't know what exactly I am scared of but I sure put the fitbit to good use as I am pacing for most of the next three days.   I didn't understand why I was having such a strong reaction until I watched the circus masquerading as the Presidential debate last evening.  I was having the same reaction and I couldn't understand why.   Now, I get it.  So many parallels between my troll and the Republican nominee. ...

  I have to confess that initially I thought that Amy Coney Barrett's nomination to SCOTUS would help Democrats.  I really felt that Republicans tolerated Trump only for his potential to fill the Court and once that was exhausted that they would move on.   After all, I believe that there is no chance in hell that Roe vs Wade will ever be overturned.   Well, I was right and I was wrong.  Roe vs Wade will never be overturned, however, it will experience death by a thousand paper cuts.  Tiny little aspects of a woman's right to choose are going to be eroded gradually essentially gutting it.   And, there are going to be other threats to basic human rights that are potential to suffer the same slow fate.  I was doing what I usually do on Sundays, watch the news.  An amazing couple were interviewed.  These men were the couple whose case went to the Supreme Court resulting in Same Sex Marriage Equality.  I was very moved wat...