Do I look fat in these pants.......and other insults

It is the question most men dread, but seems to happen eventually in every heterosexual relationship.  "Do these pants make me look fat?"  There seems to be no right answer.

Many men, when asked this question, pause to think of the answer that will get them into trouble the least.  Pausing is always the wrong answer.  If you're pausing, we think this means yes and you are trying to figure out how to answer diplomatically.  The fight will be on.

Some men foolishly think that a woman wants an honest answer to this question.  That would be wrong.

Some men instinctively answer "no" without looking.  That is the wrong answer.  We know you didn't even respect us to look.  The fight will be on.

Some men answer with something like, "not compared to your other pants" or "not as much as last year".  I hope I don't have to tell you what is wrong with those answers.  There is only one right answer to this question, but you will have to skip ahead to the last paragraph for the answer.

This question reminds me of my friend, Dianne.  I knew her in my early 20s and we often went clubbing together.  (Of course, back then, we called it bar hopping.  I am that old.)  Dianne was a determined and strong woman.  She never waited for someone to ask her to dance, she would do the asking.  When someone said yes, they had a great time together.  When someone said "no", she was ready for them.  She would say, "What?"  They would reply, "no, I don't want to dance."  She would say, "you think I asked you to dance?  No, I said, "you look fat in those pants."  You look fat in those pants is a great insult and is insulting to anyone wearing pants.

As it turns out, no one likes to be insulted.  I realize most people know that, however, the President of the United States has not learned this.

He is in the middle of another week of meaningless meetings with foreign leaders.  It will end with a summit with Putin.  It started with a NATO meeting and he is in the middle of his meaningless meeting with a visit to the UK.

Prior to arriving in UK, he did an interview with The Sun in London.  In the interview, he personally criticized English Prime Minister Theresa May and the way she is handling Brexit.  He indicated that one of her former Ministers would be a great leader for the English.  He said other insulting things as well.  Then, when the newspaper printed this hours before he was due to land, Prime Minister May was not impressed and she was cool towards him.  This was surprising to Trump.  He actually expected the article to run after he left the country and not before.

When asked at a news conference about this, he called the article fake news.  This was the 1034th time he has used that term in 2018.  (I am making up that number, but he does say that term a lot so it is probably more accurate than most things he says.)  Then, to show it was fake news, he indicated that he now video-tapes all interviews so he can show them to show the real story.  So, I watched his interview, and everything reported actually came out of his mouth.  So, is he calling "fake news" on himself?  Is he really so arrogant about his supporters that they will just accept his word without actually looking at the evidence?

I know Trump supporters won't actually get it, but that is the biggest insult of all.

So, what is the right answer when your partner asks you "do these pants make me look fat?"  Well, anyone asking the question is not actually asking that question.  The question they are really asking is "am I desirable?"  The right answer to the question is, "I won't be able to tell unless I see you out of those pants."  And then you proceed to distract by seduction.