Me to Sweetie: I Wish I Was Wrong More
My sweetie and I celebrated our 8th year together this month. I love this guy. I love him as much as I love my perfect grandson and two angelic children. I am truly blessed.
We always quibbled about the actual date of our first date. He claimed it was the 16th and I said it was the 19th. This year, I checked the calendar fro 2010 and it turns out I was wrong and he was right.
I was wrong. I can hear my sweetie thinking, "Oh my goodness, put a mark on the calendar. She admitted she was wrong." Well, actually, I do freely admit when I am wrong. I just actually wish I was wrong more often. There was so many things that I wish I was wrong about.
I was acquainted with my sweetie for four years prior to us starting a romantic relationship. Even though I didn't know him very well something was very obvious to me.
He was "heavy". I don't mean that he was overweight, but there was a heaviness about him. He walked around with his head down and his shoulders slumped. His footstep was heavy like he was carrying the weight of the world around him. He struggled to smile and appeared tired all the time. He was quick to anger over nothing and showed his frustration openly. For someone to have such a short fuse, there has to be intense self-loathing. So, to me, it was obvious.
On our third date, I asked him about his clinical depression. He was stunned. He had never been diagnosed with depression and no one had ever suggested this to him before.
The more he reflected on this and on his life, the more this made sense to him. He became excited. He started reading articles and checking off all the boxes. It turned out I was right. He was suffering with depression.
He confirmed the diagnosis with his medical professional and sought treatment through a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Of course, things haven't been all rainbows and unicorns but he is no longer suffering with depression. He is now living with depression. He know has embraced his diagnosis and he further healing by helping others. He regularly volunteers his time to educate others of his story. He has a blog outlining his story called Struggling To Smile. His only regret is that he only became aware of his diagnosis in his late 40s. Although it is pointless to speculate, he does wonder what his life would have been if he had been diagnosed decades earlier.
So, I was right. He does live with depression. I don't regret being right about that. I have felt privileged to walk this journey as his partner.
There is one thing that I wish I was wrong about.
At the time of our third date, my sweetie identified three people as supports in his life. I didn't think that they were positive supports to him. He described these three people as having provided him unconditional support and would do anything for him without question. He had daily contact with atleast one of them, but, more often than not, he had daily contact with two of the three. It took my sweetie along to time to face that none of them were providing him genuine support. It took him a while to come to terms with the fact that what was obvious to me through a casual acquaintance was never noticed by his support people. How could these supports not realize that something was wrong and to advise to seek help? How could they be so blind to the presentation of mental illness? How could they live in this century and not know anything about mental health? It is rather overwhelming when you think about it. Again, I try not to imagine how his life would have been different if he got help sooner. I can also only speculate what could have motivated them to stay silent. Could they have an agenda into keeping him suffer? Unfortunately, these people and there lack of support has made it difficult for my sweetie to trust. He has been working on that and I continue to pray that one day he will fully trust me.
Sometimes being right sucks. It feels lousy that I was right about his "support" network. On the positive side, though, it has made me a better friend to others. I know how important it is to be open and honest with friends and to tell them the truth even though it is sometimes difficult. I am open and forthright and don't sugar-coat or coddle.
My sweetie is a wonderful man and brings me endless joy. I am blessed, and I do wish I wrong more often.
We always quibbled about the actual date of our first date. He claimed it was the 16th and I said it was the 19th. This year, I checked the calendar fro 2010 and it turns out I was wrong and he was right.
I was wrong. I can hear my sweetie thinking, "Oh my goodness, put a mark on the calendar. She admitted she was wrong." Well, actually, I do freely admit when I am wrong. I just actually wish I was wrong more often. There was so many things that I wish I was wrong about.
I was acquainted with my sweetie for four years prior to us starting a romantic relationship. Even though I didn't know him very well something was very obvious to me.
He was "heavy". I don't mean that he was overweight, but there was a heaviness about him. He walked around with his head down and his shoulders slumped. His footstep was heavy like he was carrying the weight of the world around him. He struggled to smile and appeared tired all the time. He was quick to anger over nothing and showed his frustration openly. For someone to have such a short fuse, there has to be intense self-loathing. So, to me, it was obvious.
On our third date, I asked him about his clinical depression. He was stunned. He had never been diagnosed with depression and no one had ever suggested this to him before.
The more he reflected on this and on his life, the more this made sense to him. He became excited. He started reading articles and checking off all the boxes. It turned out I was right. He was suffering with depression.
He confirmed the diagnosis with his medical professional and sought treatment through a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Of course, things haven't been all rainbows and unicorns but he is no longer suffering with depression. He is now living with depression. He know has embraced his diagnosis and he further healing by helping others. He regularly volunteers his time to educate others of his story. He has a blog outlining his story called Struggling To Smile. His only regret is that he only became aware of his diagnosis in his late 40s. Although it is pointless to speculate, he does wonder what his life would have been if he had been diagnosed decades earlier.
So, I was right. He does live with depression. I don't regret being right about that. I have felt privileged to walk this journey as his partner.
There is one thing that I wish I was wrong about.
At the time of our third date, my sweetie identified three people as supports in his life. I didn't think that they were positive supports to him. He described these three people as having provided him unconditional support and would do anything for him without question. He had daily contact with atleast one of them, but, more often than not, he had daily contact with two of the three. It took my sweetie along to time to face that none of them were providing him genuine support. It took him a while to come to terms with the fact that what was obvious to me through a casual acquaintance was never noticed by his support people. How could these supports not realize that something was wrong and to advise to seek help? How could they be so blind to the presentation of mental illness? How could they live in this century and not know anything about mental health? It is rather overwhelming when you think about it. Again, I try not to imagine how his life would have been different if he got help sooner. I can also only speculate what could have motivated them to stay silent. Could they have an agenda into keeping him suffer? Unfortunately, these people and there lack of support has made it difficult for my sweetie to trust. He has been working on that and I continue to pray that one day he will fully trust me.
Sometimes being right sucks. It feels lousy that I was right about his "support" network. On the positive side, though, it has made me a better friend to others. I know how important it is to be open and honest with friends and to tell them the truth even though it is sometimes difficult. I am open and forthright and don't sugar-coat or coddle.
My sweetie is a wonderful man and brings me endless joy. I am blessed, and I do wish I wrong more often.
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