Fat Shaming

A Newfoundland woman died early this month and had an interesting obituary.  She died after being diagnosed with cancer.  Her death came 11 days after diagnosis.  However, she had been going to multiple doctors for years complaining of symptoms.  Apparently, each physician she went to listened and then told her that she needed to lose weight.  They all attributed her symptoms to complications of obesity.  When the cancer was finally detected, it was too late for treatment.  In her obituary, she talked about the problem of fat shaming.

Fat shaming seems to be the one acceptable prejudice that society has left.  I am fat so I can attest that this still happens.  It does hurt.  Yet, I do it myself.  When I am out with my girlfriends or my sweetie, I often look at another overweight person and ask who I am with which one of us is fatter?  My sweetie and my girlfriends will always answer that it is the other person.  I only feel comforted for a few seconds because I know they would answer the other person just to be loyal to me.  Then, I become mad at myself for using fat shaming when I am fat.  

As a society, we look at fat people and make assumptions.  That person is lazy, they have no work ethic, and they are dirty.  We assume that person has a choice to be fat and since they are choosing to be fat, they are making equally bad choices in all aspects of their life.  That is quite an assumption.  

Things in life are always more complicated.  It turns out there are different reasons why people are overweight.  Usually, these reasons are none of your business.  

I am fat but I have an excellent doctor.  I have been referred to three specialists in the last two years for reasons that have nothing to do with my weight.  All three provided me excellent care and did not mention my weight.  My primary doctor has advised me that losing weight would likely benefit my overall health but I don't consider that fat shaming.  It is just giving me a dose of reality.  Since I haven't a problem with the medical system, I might say that this woman who lost her life had a poor approach to the medical community or that she only heard what she wanted to hear.  It doesn't matter what the turth is.  The woman is still dead, no matter what.  I am sure her doctors are sad, but not because they engaged in fat-shaming, but because a patient is dead.  It is sad for her that she carried such great anger to her end.  

I think smokers have a similar problem.  One my ex-husband's employees smoked.  One time he sprained his leg and he said the doctor only wanted to talk about him quitting smoking.  He didn't go to the doctor often because he didn't want to get an anti-smoking lecture.  

We all have bad habits.  People who overeat have their habit on display. Others think this is licence to fat-shame.  It isn't, but the greater question is why we feel that we need to shame anyone?  

Why do we feel the need to put others down and make people feel bad about themselves?  Fat-shaming.  Smoker-shaming.  Slut-shaming.  For some reasons we like people to feel bad if their life choices aren't perfect.  As if we are.  No one is perfect and people in glass houses and all that.  

It reminds of a time I had dinner with someone at one of my favorite Asian buffets.  I love that place and am good for several plates.  The person that I was having dinner with only took salad on his plate and talked about the benefits of healthy eating and that one plate was more than enough to fill yourself up.  He was subtle but he was fat-shaming.  It worked on me.  I only had one plate and I left unsatisfied.  If he thinks that his fat-shaming led me down a path of healthy eating and losing weight, he would be wrong.  It led me down a path where I knew I would be never sharing another meal with him.  

\I don't know why people fat-shame.  They have got nothing on us.  People who are fat know the shame and know the reasons for your angry stares.  We know what you are thinking, but whatever it is, it is nothing compared to the internal shame that we feel.  You don't have to waste your time fat-shaming.  We are already way ahead of you.