Sex Education

My father completed his journey on this Earth in 1992.  I think of him everyday, not just Father's Day.  This store looks the same structurally as it did when I was born.  It was yellow then and it was a convenience store/gas station.  It was a Shell Station and I was named after the gas station my parent's owned when I was born.  My father taught me a lot.  My mother taught me a lot.  They didn't teach me many things together, except they taught me about sex. 

I was in grade three and I remember it very well.  In grades 1 and 2, report cards consisted of check marks.  Fail, needs improvement, average, good, and very good.  I got all Very Good check marks.  In grade 3, report cards moved to letters.  In grades 4,5,6, I was straight As.  In grade 3, I was straight Cs.  My parents blamed the teacher.  This was before holistic education and they never thought of other factors that could influence academic performance.  I knew why I got straight Cs.  I couldn't focus on school because I was too busy.  My parent's weren't talking to each other.  They had a major fight and it could have been resolved if they talked it out but it wasn't like that.  I had my breakfast with my mother after my dad had gone to work.  I had my dinner with my father and my mom had her dinner alone.  My dad spent his evenings in his den on the main floor and he also slept there.  My mother spent her evenings in their bedroom on the second floor and she also slept there.  I spent my evenings going up and down the stairs spending equal time with both of them and trying to mediate.  It was a long year. 

At the end of the school year, my mother and I went to my Grandpa's in Melville, Saskatchewan to deep clean his house.  My mother had a strong work ethic and she cleaned every object, every wall, everything in his garage twice.  We were there for about three weeks.  I had read every comic sold at the comic book store.  I loved my grandpa but I was bored and neither of us knew if we had actually moved in and were staying forever. 

Then, my father showed up.  He and my mom went out for dinner.  My grandpa got a phone call that they were going to stay in a hotel overnight.  I was happy.  The next morning, they came and got me and we were all going home.  The ice had been melted and there was a great thaw.  I was thrilled until we got home.  My parents then spent two weeks in their bedroom.  I was neglected.  I ate meals by myself and I ate a lot of cereal.  When they emerged to see how I was, they were wearing bathrobes.  My father was in his 60s for goodness sakes and close to retirement.  I was started to wish that they hadn't made up.  How long could this possibly go on? 

Then, we went to Minot for Crazy Days.  It was three days in August where most places had great sales and the Canadian Dollar at par.  We always went there for back to school shopping.  For the trip, I usually sat in the front seat between my parents and this trip I sat in the back seat reading my book while my parents talked and giggled at jokes that weren't funny.  We always stayed at the Ramada Inn because it had a pool.  I would go by myself to the pool and then I would come back after 5 minutes saying there were big boys there and I was scared.  My parents would then come and watch me swim.  They started getting poolside rooms so they didn't have to go far.  So, I went to swim and there were big boys there and I was scared, so I went to open the patio doors to our room and they were locked.  Are you kidding me?  How long is this going to go on for?  I sat by myself at the pool until they emerged at dinner.  After dinner, I had enough of this lovey-doveyness and I picked a fight with my mother.  My mother enlisted the help of her new ally, my father.  My father looked at the situation and then said that I was acting up because I felt left-out.  My father said it was time to start acting like a family again. 

And, things went back to normal.  I was the center of my parent's universe again.  Life was good again.  However, my parent's marriage remained strong but they were more discreet.  I remember one Christmas when I was in high school where our whole family attended. They were making out like teenagers.  I wasn't embarrassed.  I was glad my parents enjoyed their company even though my father was 70.

So, when it came to formal sex education, my parents didn't actually have "the talk" with me.  My mother gave me a book to read.  When I got my period, I had to tell my mom because I needed her help with products and I had major cramps.  My mother was thrilled and I went back to bed.  I heard her tell my dad and I was embarrassed.  I am glad my father never mentioned it. 

So, I learned sex education by default.  It is important to the intimacy of a couple.  You are never too late to have a physical relationship with the one you love.  Your children will inevitably catch you in the act or can put 1 and 1 together and figure it out.  They won't be traumatized, they will understand that this is a natural part of a loving relationship.  It is a pretty good life lesson to learn.  My father taught me many things deliberately and sometimes he taught me things by pure chance.  Whatever the way, I was blessed to have such an amazing father. 

Happy Father's Day. 

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