My dad called me Spitfire from this moment on...
When I was in Grade 5, I was a lot like I am now, sort of a keener and a little bit intelligent. One day I was at my dad's office waiting for him, so I went through his drawers. He had a really cool ruler that he had written his name in wood. I knew he would give it to me if I asked so I just took it.
I took the ruler to school and put it in my very messy desk and sort of forgot about it. One day, when we were doing some independent work, I looked over a couple of rows and there was Bernard Smith using my ruler. I went right up to the teacher and said, "Bernard Smith stole my ruler." The teacher called Bernard up to the front with the ruler and basically took it from him and gave it to me. Bernard had a defense, but he wasn't even given the opportunity to share it.
What happened next still makes me physically ill. The teacher started yelling at Bernard in front of the whole class. He was calling him horrible things and shaming him. Oddly enough, the ruler never came up. If this had happened today, someone would have recorded it, and the teacher would have been rightly fired. I felt so guilty since I felt I started this. Finally, Bernard started crying quietly. This seemed to accelerate the teacher's bullying. I started crying and looked around for someone to say something. Everyone had their head down.
I couldn't take it anymore, so I told the teacher to "STOP. You are upsetting everyone. You have to get out of here right now." The teacher looked at me and then he left the classroom.
It was just a few minutes later that the dismissal bell rung. I went over to Bernard to apologize to him for starting such a horrible thing, and he was very gracious to me. He said, "that's ok, I did steal your ruler." and he winked at me.
Tragically, Bernie Smith died suddenly a couple of weeks ago. He died a hero. He was a member of the brotherhood of fire fighters in our home town of Dauphin. A tribute to his selflessness. He was a handi-transit driver who apparently went out of his way to be extra kind to everyone he met. He passed surrounded by a loving family. He made a positive difference to the lives of everyone in Dauphin. He certainly was an example of someone who "rose above." I definitely wanted to pay my respects in person to this remarkable man, and I blame the weather for not being able to do this. In truth, the weather was just an excuse, I had another event that I was "strongly encouraged" to attend. I regret making a bad choice because I know I should have attended Bernie Smith's funeral.
What happened to that teacher? I have no idea. In addition to me a lousy human being, he was a lousy teacher. I am quite positive he was bullied all of his life so that is why when he had a little bit of power over a 10 year old child, he couldn't help but bullying him. I am guessing he is withering away slowly and painfully and alone. That kind of person usually does.
For me, it was one of my worst moments and one of my proudest moments. I regret to this day to going to the teacher. It was a ruler. I learned my lesson, don't sweat the small stuff. I learned what is and isn't a problem. This wasn't a problem. What I should have done was be happy that someone else thought it was also "cool". I have never thought of this ruler ever again, however, I have reflected many times on that "prissy little goody two shoes" and why I had to tell on him and the unintended consequences of being a tattle tale. When I told my dad the story, he told me that tattle-tales never advance in the long run. In the short term, they may, but no one likes a tattle tale. My dad also told me that I should have approached Bernie myself and never count on someone else to fight your battles. My dad said I should have asked Bernie if he was short of school supplies and if there is anything else he needed.
However, it was one of my proudest moments. I was so scared, but I stood up to a bully. The bully, in this case, the teacher, had all the power at that moment. However, what happens when you stand up to a bully, they back down. They never have a plan B. I got the teacher to vacate his class room. I like to think this has led me on a life-long path of advocacy.
I know lots of people who have never learned the life lesson of how to stand up to a bully. They just brush it off, think it doesn't matter, consider the source, it is not worth the energy, etc. It turns out, it does matter, and it matters a lot. When you are silent, when someone is bullying or gossiping, the victim of the bullying feels that you are on their side. It makes them feel alone and of no consequence.
The other that happened when I told my dad this story was that he gave me my nickname. He said that I really was a Spitfire. He was in the RCAF and he felt that the Spitfire plane was the reason the Allies won WW2. It was symbolic of someone who would stand up to a bully.
I have really been proud to be a Spitfire and have used that nickname as a badge of honour. Unfortunately, when you are a Spitfire, you also have a target on your back. When you seem to exude self-confidence, it is very threatening to people who have little self-confidence. They want to bring you down, thinking that will elevate them. They can't stand on their own merits so they feel they have to devalue others. Those people gossip, spread rumours, and do very cowardly things. They talk negatively about you when you are not there. They are very toxic in the workplace. I have been dealing with this for almost a year. I have not given that person any energy and have always felt that the people who matter to me know the truth.
Unfortunately, the bully's actions affected more than me yesterday. Some innocent vulnerable people were affected, and I did the wrong thing. I let the bully occupy space in my head. I wasn't angry at the bully as I feel nothing but pathos but this poor person. I confess that I felt a little betrayed by the people who allowed this bully to spread misinformation and gossip. I am doing my very best to let go of this because it only causes more hurt for everyone, and I don't want to hurt anyone.
All I can do now is pray. Pray for the bullies. They need it. I can just imagine what pain they must have endured in their lives to cause them to want to inflict pain on others. Pray for them to get help to repair their self-esteem so that they can live their lives as Bernie Smith did. Volunteering his time, and going out of his way to help out anyone in need.
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