My partner has diabetes. I have anxiety.

My partner has diabetes.  I have an anxiety disorder.

I don't know how it is for everyone with an anxiety disorder, but this is how it feels for me.  

Both of us received our medical diagnosis when we were adults.  His diagnosis was largely the result of poor lifestyle choices.  My diagnosis was the result of a crime being done where I was the victim.

We both take medication to manage our diseases.  If he is out having a meal, he has no problem taking his medication in public.  When he gets his medication refills, the pharmacist is proud of him for taking good care of his health.  I feel I have to hide the fact that I take medication and don't tell anyone.  When I get a medication refill, the pharmacist looks at my medication then looks up and down at me making a judgment.  

When he was diagnosed, his family gave him lots of encouragement and support.  They asked him lots of questions.  He went to classes for diabetics where he learned how to manage his disease. There is a large organization behind his disease, the Canadian Diabetes Association.  They provide support, education, and research to find a cure.  

When I was diagnosed, my family tried not to roll their eyes in front of me.  Whenever they disagree with me, they can always dismiss my opinion since, I "am crazy" anyhow.  I still search for ways to manage my disease.  There is an organization that shares office space with other organizations.  When I sought out help, I had to fill out a questionnaire to "prove" that I had anxiety.  They rejected me from receiving services because I had too much anxiety.  I understand that things have changed and I should seek support again.  I can't but the rejection is always the first thing I think about when I think about this organization.  

When my partner's sugars are not managed and he happens to be at work, he is encouraged to lie down or go home.  He is given space and anything that he asks will be provided.  

When my symptoms are not managed and I happen to be at work, my hands start to shake.  I am told to "toughen up" and to make sure that no one sees this.  I ask for a quiet space for a few minutes, and I am told that is not possible because the work comes first.  

My partner has told people he works with that he has his diagnosis.  They accommodate him and ensure there is a healthy snacks available for him at regular intervals when he has an all day meeting.  

I have told people I work with that I have my diagnosis.  They use this as gossip and get together in groups to find ways to expose this to everyone.  

My partner may display symptoms of his disease at work.  This is usually because of a choice he makes.  If he has a piece of the sugar mountain pretending to be a cake in the copy room, he was exhibit symptoms.  He can avoid this by not have the cake.  If he does "slip", everyone understands because we have all made some poor choices in their diets.  No one uses this against him.  

I may display symptoms of his disease at work.  This is usually beyond my control.  If someone invades my personal space and towers above me and backs me into a corner, I will display symptoms.  I will feel trapped and I won't be able to think clearly.  I may not be able to recover for a while and may need some time.  For the most part, despite being hyper-vigilant, I can't avoid many of these 

situations at work.  If I have a reaction, nobody understands and that is held against me.  Apparently, no one else makes a "slip".  

It is possible that both of us may end up in hospital some day because of our diseases.   If it happens to be partner, people will visit, send cards and flowers, and give him a great deal of sympathy.   If I happen to end up in hospital because of my diagnosis, people will be uncomfortable.  They won't know what to say so they probably won't visit.  They will assume I am getting the support I need so they won't send me cards.  

My partner and I like going out for pancakes.  The restaurant is pleased to provide him sugar free syrup to accommodate his diagnosis.  Sometimes, the restaurant is so busy and loud, that it causes me anxiety.  I have noticed that they have a private room that they are not using.  I have asked if we can be seated in this room due to my diagnosis.  People look like me as if I have asked them to perform open heart surgery.  There is very little support for my diagnosis.  

I have a long history of demonstrating that I have a strong work ethic.  If I can't complete an impossible amount of tasks in an unreasonable time, then people use this as evidence that I can't do a job properly.  After all, they whisper, I do have a diagnosis.  

Every couple has their ups and downs.  If we are having a down moment, no one in my family suggests that I should end the relationship because he has diabetes.  If we are having a down moment, some members in his family encourage him to end the relationship because I have "problems".  

People around the world are working for a cure to diabetes.  People around the world are working for a way to delist anxiety as a medical diagnosis.  

Let's talk has become a movement to talk about mental illness.  This means we are talking more about depression because that has become a little more socially acceptable.  We still don't talk about other types of mental illness and they remain largely unhidden.  

Regardless, workplaces have no problem accommodating those with a physical disability.  I have to have some fresh air when I feel like I can't breathe.  This doesn't happen often, but, it does happen. Yes, accommodations like that.   Not very complicated.  Not always necessary yet seem so difficult for employers to understand and support.  It is if people think that I have sought out this diagnosis.  It is if people think that I am enjoying my diagnosis.  

My partner wishes he didn't have diabetes because his life would be less complicated.  I wish I didn't have anxiety because my life would be less complicated.  People believe him.  People think that I am enjoying this because why haven't I gotten rid of this yet.