Work/Life Balance - Grief

To say that workplaces have been significantly impacted by Covid19 would be an understatement.  For some of us, going to work literally means that we are risking our lives.  Many workplaces have adopted working from home protocols.  Some workplaces have found this to be beneficial and will continue while others are trying to return their employees back to work. One of the challenges for the new workplace culture will be dealing with grief.  That isn't new.  Bereavement leave has often being handled different by different employers.  It is one of those things that is very indicative of workplace culture.

My husband goes to many funerals.  His reality is that he has lived in the same community for most of his life and he has connections to many organizations and a wide social circle.  These days, most "celebrations of life" are on weekends or in the evenings, but there still are many that happen during traditional "work" time.  So, to attend these services, he normally would take a couple of hours off here and there.  Usually, he flexes his time to make up for this but he is not required to do so.  His employer allows him time off when he is a mourner at a funeral service.  His employer is ethical and doesn't ask questions.

When my father passed almost three decades ago, I worried for a compassionate employer.  Somehow I got two weeks off for bereavement leave.  I was quite aware that I was getting more time than I allowed according to the collective agreement, so I don't know how that time was accounted for.  I was just grateful.  I still grieve the loss of my father but it certainly was acute right after he passed.

When my mom passed, I also worked for a compassionate boss.  I had a week off.  There was so much to do.  When I returned to work, my boss told me if I needed a day here or there to let her know.  I felt very much supported. I had a very supportive boss so she knew of my mother's decline and trusted me to be honest with her when I needed time away from work.

There is an old adage that anyone can show character when times are good; it is when times are bad that people's true character emerges.  I will never forget how my bereavement leaves were treated and I will always remember their compassion.

A few years ago, I was given instructions on how to manage bereavement leave by my senior manager. She was telling us how to handle potential bereavement leaves by our team members.  For our employees, their collective agreement required that they be mentioned in the obituary in order to be given bereavement leave.  She instructed us to mark the days of bereavement leave as days off without pay and then once the obituary was brought in to adjust this for the next pay period.  That was my clue about the workplace culture.  We shouldn't trust people to know when a relationship requires bereavement leave.  We need to have proof and that is just when people need when they are mourning the loss of a loved one to have 3-4 days of pay withheld.  She provided further leadership in how to handle employee's bereavement.  No matter what the circumstance, everyone would get three days except for those who had to travel out-of-province may get four days.  As we were a 24 hour health care facility, day one would be the day of death and days two and three would be the next calendar days regardless of if you were scheduled to work that day of not.  I worked Monday-Friday so I asked a question for clarification.  Let\s say there was a terrible car accident and my husband didn't survive and the accident happened at 10:30 at night on a Friday.  Would that be considered day one of my bereavement leave even though I had already worked that day.  Yes, I was told.  So, Saturday and Sunday would be days two and three.  Yes, you are understanding.  And, I would be expected to be at work on Monday morning.  The senior manager was very happy.  I had understood  what she was explaining.  This "interpretation" of bereavement leave was never challenged.  Mostly because people who were grieving didn't have the energy to fight. 

So, as I remember how my bereavement leaves were managed, I am imagining that everyone else also remembers. As my bereavement leaves were so respectful, I still am loyal to those employers.  I don't know how I would feel if my bereavement was managed as instructed a few years ago.  I likely would feel devalued and disrespected. I doubt I would feel too much loyalty. 

And, this was a health care facility where employees are risking their health to take care of our loved ones.  It speaks volumes about the workplace culture. Successful leaders such as Richard Branson tell us to treat employees like gold and those employees will ensure their customers are treated like gold.

There are lots of signs that speak to the ethics of an employer.  Managing grief is just one of them.