Blog or white ... because it never is.

 I had forgotten all about this, actually.  I remember being a young adult and watching my parents interact.  They were really in love.  Of course, they didn't have a perfect life or a perfect relationship, but they were really in love.  They disagreed on a lot of things, mostly politics, but they were in love.  I remember one lazy Sunday afternoon when we were all reading in our living room at the same time.  Whenever I would look up, it would seem that I would catch my parents looking at each other.  It was just true love.  Contentment.  Peace.  Satisfaction.   Comfort.  Deep and enduring love, but also giggly first love excitement.  Hard to explain that look, but they just looked at each other with love.  I remember thinking that if I were to find a partner who looked at me that way, I would really have succeeded in life.  That was going to be my measure of success.   Well, time passed, and...

  So, Rogers experienced a nation wide outage last Friday which affected many businesses and essentially shut down interac transactions and did not allow for ATM withdrawal.  People were angry. Rogers has apologized and every customer has received an email apology from Rogers President.  I wasn't angry.  Stuff happens.  It is not a perfect world.  I don't think the outage was the result of malice.  Yes, it shows how vulnerable Canada is when we don't have good competition in our technology and communications industry.   I wasn't angry.  It was something different for me.   I have struggled with my mental health on and off since 2003.  2003-2006 were very dark years.  My mental health was largely stable from 2006-2017.  From 2017-2021, my mental health really fluctuated.  I seem to have gained control of my mental health in 2022 but it requires a lot of maintenance.  I have to monitor myself every day so...

  Since May, 5 of my friends have announced the opening of new businesses.  I have a hard time deciding whether I am excited for them or jealous.  Maybe a little of both.  I don't have their creativity, their drive, their enthusiasm, their market research, or their zeal.   It feels like spring.  5 different people in 3 different provinces all willing to put it out there.  It is inspiring.  It is uplifting.   Spring is all about rebirth.  All about green meaning go.  All about freshness.  It is all about planting seeds and seeing what grows.   Most importantly, they all believe.  They are manifesting success.  The energy is amazing.  Be around these positive people.  They are out there.  Your life will be better.  

  We are all works in progress and I often feel like I am more under construction than most.  As a deeply flawed human, I am always trying to be better and learn more.   I confess that one of the things that I struggle with often is the concept of revenge.  There is a lot of things I have learned about revenge and forgiveness.  First of all, for me, seeking revenge has never worked out so well.  I have always seemed to come out worse off.  Even when I have gotten a momentary moment of bwahaha, it never seems satisfying or worth the effort.  I also know that forgiveness is a gift to yourself, and not to the person whom you forgive.  I know from hanging on to hurt and resentments, they fester inside you.  At the time, it doesn't seem fair, but I know that when I have forgiven, I feel lighter and I have more room inside me to grow. I also believe in the power of the universe and eventually people get what they deserve when they deliber...

  And just like that, it feels like a spring thaw.  Not in the literal sense, well, maybe in the literal sense.  But, for me, the long "winter" of the last two years seems behind me.  Yes, we have "re-opened" in almost all aspects of society but it has still felt different from before.  It almost felt like my life would always be in two different modules:  before covid and after covid.   But, then something happened yesterday that was exciting.  It was a sign to me that life doesn't have to be an inward as it has been over the last two years.  There is opportunity for seeds to be planted and who knows what may grow.  While no one really knows what our future holds, I became excited about the future and possibilities.   I met a new couple.  That in itself is exciting.  Meeting new people.  Something I really haven't done in a while.  Hearing new stories and learning new things.   Meeting a new ...

  A twitter thread caught my attention this week.  A woman tweeted that there would be more women dealing and playing poker if they weren't sexually harrassed every day.   As you can imagine, it was a trending thread.   The first response was responded to more than the original tweet.  The first response was from a gentleman who tweeted that he had been playing for twenty years and he had never seen one incident of sexual harrassment.  He noted that all he had seen was men drunk who got "friendly."   That response essentially speaks for itself.  A woman trying to raise what she feels is a legitimate discussion point and wanting to provoke an honest discussion and a mansplaining telling her that her feelings and her experience is wrong.  What did this man expect?  That she would say, "oh, thank you for telling me this."  Thank you for telling me how to feel, thank you for telling me that my experiences are invalid....

  Former celebrity chef Mario Batali has been acquited by a Judge in a case of sexual assault going back to 2017.  I should say former disgraced celebrity chef Mario Batali.  If you have never heard of him, that is because he has been out of the public eye for since 2017.  That is when multiple women came forward alleging sexual misconduct and as a result his restaurant and all other platforms severed ties with him.  For whatever reason, the only charge that the state of New York pursued was recently tried.  Batali elected a Bench Trial which means the Judge made the decision without the benefit of a jury.   In a decision that was quick after closing arguments, the Judge acquited Batali citing credibility issues of the complainant.   Apparently, the complainant once forged a document to get out of a gym membership.  The Judge concluded that if she would do, finances were her primary motivation.  If she would get out of paying f...

 Every single individual has a unique story.  Personally, I love hearing people's life journeys, even the ones that are heart-breaking.  I have never not been fascinated or learned something after meeting someone new and learning their path.   Some of my journey is mundane, some of it has held too much strife, and most of it is blessed.  But, at the very start of my journey put me in a membership of a small club.  My father was over 55 when I was born.   When I was born, I was already an aunt.  My oldest sister had a son and was pregnant with her second child.  I was only a few months old when I became an aunt again.  At age 3, I became an aunt again twice.  My niece and I spent a great deal of time together while we were growing up.  Really, our relationship was more akin to cousins but she always called me Auntie Shelley.  It might have seemed weird to others looking in, but this was our lives and we didn't kno...

  Jacob Hoggard is on trial for two allegations of sexual assault from 2016.  He has not been found guilty by a Court of Law.   However, he has admitted to having consensual sex with each of the complainants.  Both complainants essentially had just turned 16 which is the age of consent in Ontario.  Both complainants also allege a web based relationship with Hoggard prior to the assaults.  Someone could make the argument that Hoggard had been grooming them prior to them reaching the age of consent.   Sadly, I have personal experience testifying about a sexual assault.  It was horrible.  The defence counsel has a job to do and victims are prepped for cross examination but it is never good enough.  Victims feel like they are on trial.  They are sharing details about their life they wish no one would ever know.  Unfortunately, no matter how much you feel like you want closure or how prepared you are or how deep your resol...

  My husband and I like to have ethical discussions.  Whenever he brings up the subject of abortion, I stop him and don't want to talk to him about it.  I tell him it is just a fundamental rule that I follow.  I don't debate or discuss abortions with anyone who doesn't have a uterus.   Regardless, when Kavanaugh was confirmed, he brought up Roe Vs. Wade and asked if we should be worried about it being overturned.  Relax, I said.  That is not how the Supreme Court works.  It doesn't just pick a law and overturn it.  The Supreme Court only rules on cases before them and getting a case before the Supreme Court is not an easy or quick process.  Plus, Supreme Court Justices are so incredibly busy, it is inconceivable that they would even think on weighing in on a matter that wasn't even before them.   And, I told him roughly the same thing that every Conservative Justice said at their confirmation hearings.  Roe vs Wade wa...

  1.  Donated money 2.  Shared Links on Facebook 3.  Donated time to organizations in support of Ukraine 4.  Painted Art and sold art via online auctions and donated proceeds 5.  Participated in rallies in support 6.  Boycotted companies still doing business in Ukraine 7.  Asked questions 8.  Collected donations 9.  Emailed elected officials 10.  Put Ukrainian flags on front doors/cars 11.  Were decent human beings I have awesome friends.  We can all do something.  It all helps.  Keep being awesome.  

  I was pretty together this week and pre-made his lunches to take to work.  It is strangely satisfying.  It feels like a win in life when you do something ordinary but it somehow feels extraordinary.  That is one of the legacy of the last two years.  We looked for wins in life.  We couldn't do so many of the things we may have wanted, so we started looking for the extraordinary in the ordinary.   It seemed like a big win to me.  A hot lunch.  No need to worry.  No need to spend money.   He liked it but he just liked it.  But, then, he put hot sauce on it.  He really liked it.  He told me it was awesome.  I was pleased and since I had some as well knew he was right.  It did need hot sauce to give it a little kick.   We both like hot sauce.  Just saying that makes me giggle a little.  We both like hot sauce.  It is funny because of where we came from.  I was raised on e...

  A wedding officiant in Kitchener turned away a same sex couple this past week.  I don't know why this happened.  I would like to think this wouldn't happen in Manitoba.  In Manitoba, in order to be an officiant, you must attest that you would not turn away a same sex couple approaching you to perform their marriage.  There haven't been many weddings since the pandemic started.  My guess is that most officiants in Manitoba wouldn't turn away Martians if they wanted to get married.  Most officiants just want to be part of a special day no matter whose special day it is.   It is sad that this is still happening.  It is sad that this is making the news, even if it is just a small mention.   That's it.  Can't believe this happened.  Can't believe it made the news.  This is 2022 after all.  

  The end of a quadrennial always means a fleury of activity for curling rosters.  In this case, it also means the end of Team Fleury.  Some people call it "silly season".  It is all about competing in the next Roar of the Rings, trying to get to be Team Canada at the next Olympics.  I usually enjoy speculating with my fellow fanatics.  This year, not so much.   It has sort of been ruined for me by a certain Third who took some "personal time off" the night before the Olympic Trials and that "personal time" had nothing to do with Covid19.  The same third was cut from another team a couple of years before just before the last two events of the season.  During the Brier, the player was interviewed and would not comment on his "personal time" off other than sometimes bad things happen in life and you just have to shake it off.   Yes, bad things happen in life.  For example, you get a disease or you get into a car accident or ...

  Perhaps the province of Manitoba has evolved, but there was a time when mental health services for older adults only involved assessments and recommendations based on those assessments.  Other than medication and supportive counselling. no talk therapy was provided to older adults.  The thinking was that it was not a good use of limited resources.  The thinking was that older adults are too entrenched in their thinking and behaviours and don't have the capacity to change.   Well, my husband and I are a little younger than the older adults they were referring to but we also are not spring chickens.  Recently, I have seen evidence that even us can evolve and change.   My example is relatively ordinary.  I have had the kind of life that for the most part things came easily to me.  Just recently, I became aware that I usually give up when something becomes difficult.  Unrelated, I have been experiencing a minor health complaint. ...

  We started keeping gratitude journals this year.  I highly recommend that you do this one year.  You can start now, it doesn't have to be at the start of the year.  The beauty of keeping a gratitude journal is that you start noticing things you may not have noticed and you also start turning tiny irritants into blessings.   For me, what has been most profound is that I have recognized that most of my problems have been "first world white people" problems.  We have all changed during the pandemic.  One of the things for me is that I have struggled with my racial identity.  On one hand, I am also embarrassed to be caucasian.  On the other hand, I love my parents and their stories and I am proud to be from them.   Doing the gratitude journal has made me appreciative of many things that I may not have paid attention to.   Last night, Venus and Serena Williams attended an Award Show and wore matching gowns.  No comm...

 I have lost track of what to call the "convoy".  Whatever it is, it is not about truckers protesting vaccine mandates.   First of all, if truckers really wanted to protest, they are smart enough to realize that they have real power.  They could literally bring our country to the knees.  We need to eat and we can't eat if there are no groceries on our shelves.  All they would have to do is just stop trucking.  So, if the people in charge of the trucking industry wanted to do that, they would do that.   This protest has just used the pretext of trucking vaccine mandates for an excuse to protest for their own reasons.   Even if Canada reversed their mandate, the US has the same mandate.  Our mandate is merely perfunctory.   I also know there is no reasoning with those that are protesting.  They are entrenched.  They think they are the only ones frustrated with the restrictions that this pandemic has cause...

  I am not a cat person.  But, I know cat people and I am even friends with some cat people.   It turns out there are lots of people that have cats.  It also turns out that people having cats have no impact on my life whatsoever.  They live their lives with cats.  I live my life without cats.  What they do behind closed doors is none of my business.  I have also learned that what I feel about cats has no bearing whatsoever on people who have cats.   Has the pandemic made my views about views more extreme?  Sort of the opposite.  Craving all positive social interaction with as many people as I can.  I miss my circle so much that I even crave pictures of people with cats just to see smiling faces.   Discrimination against the transgender community seems to be higher than ever and I just don't understand it..  I guess it is like every prejudice which is based on ignorance.  But, seriously, what are th...

  Shocked.  Deeply saddened.   His voice became louder and he was screaming.  Almost to the point of frothing at the mouth.  No one was disagreeing with him and he just kept going on as if someone was arguing with him.  Louder and louder.  The reason no one else was talking because it was obvious that he was not going to listen to anyone no matter what they said.   Although it started with Covid19 being a complete conspiracy.  It doesn't exist.  But, he didn't stop there.  The health care system.  Every politician at every level.  The education system.  Every third word started with F.  He didn't seem very secular but seemed to be defending Christianity.  Attacking every other religion that he had heard of as well as people of colour.  Bigotry.  Very transphobic.   If it wasn't so horrid, it would be funny.  On one hand, he screamed about how voting rights were being suppre...

  i heard things on the news today that I never thought I would hear in Canada.   The convey.  Participants interviewed indicated they have guns and are not afraid to use them.   According to their chat rooms, they are talking about hanging politicians and about making it Canada's January 6. Just never thought this rhetoric would exist in Canada.  Let's just hope it is rhetoric.  

  Team Fleury is having a contest on twitter.  Tweet them your favourite Scotties moment and one lucky fan will win an autographed jersey.  What a challenge!! My favourite Scotties moment - if only !!!!  I probably have a thousand moments.  I have read all the tweets that they have received and agree with every entry and remember every moment that has been tweeted.  It has also been a pretty sobering slap in the face of how old I am.  I have been watching and cheering since the first Scott Tournament of Hearts in 1982.  I am so old that I remember when Sherry Middaugh was Sherry Scherich curling out of Saskatchewan.   Of course, I have a few moments that stick out more for me than others and I have not been a fan of all teams.  However, like most curling fans, I cheer for good shots.  Most often, I cheer for the underdog in all games even if they are going against my favourite team.  That is why I love curling.  Anyon...

  Other than the cheap sunglasses, I look like I have it all together.  It is a fairly recent picture of me.  I don't usually take selfies so I must have been feeling confident.  Yeah, I have those times.  Times when I feel like myself only two decades earlier.  Man, I was fierce.  Leading a great life that I took for granted.  After all, I worked hard for everything I had and had played by the rules of life.  I really was a spitfire in every sense of the word.  I lived in a world without limits and believed I could accomplish whatever I wanted to.   And then, a bad thing happened to me.  It knocked the wind out of my sails for a while.  It took a long time for the dust to clear.  Once I got my head above water, I realized I had spent a long time getting my head above water.  All my energy was on getting through that point, that I put no energy into myself.   I don't know if that makes sense. ...

  We went out for breakfast today.  As soon as we sat down, a young couple was seated across from us.  After we listened to them for a while, it became apparent that they were on the first date.  It is not like we were trying to eavesdrop, it is just that the young lady spoke very loudly and also when she sat down the first words out of her mouth were, "so, I don't know if I am problem drinker, but....." You just kind of have to listen.   The young man got in the occasional "uh-huh" otherwise never got to hear the sound of his voice.   So, as we were munching on our eggs, we learned about what books she has read, how she used to chronicle the books that she has read, everything she has streamed over the last two weeks, her sleeping patterns, every move from every residence that she has resided in, and what video games she is currently plays.  Strangely, I don't know what she does for a living,  Of course, I can't attest to the veracity o...

 On February 5, Regina will be hosting an outdoor skins game, Koe vs Dunstone.  It is supposed to be the big draw in some sort of winter festival in Regina.  It appears to be going ahead.    Lately during the pandemic, I have had three types of activities.  Things you can't do.  Things you can do.  Things that just because you can do them doesn't mean you should do them.  This game seems to fall in the last category.   But, it will go ahead.  For the curlers, money is money.  There have not been the usual opportunities for money over the last couple of years.   The game itself will be consequential to the curling world. It will have many ripple effects.   First of all, Team Koe will need to pick up a spare as John Morris will be away.  I think they will use Colton Flasch.  Colton will do it, despite being cut from the team two years earlier, because, well, money.  Since it is a special ev...

  Another Friday night in the endless pandemic.  Debilitating headache started in the afternoon and continued until about 12:30 am Saturday.   Maybe part of the headache is just enduring another Friday night in the pandemic. It sucks having nothing to do and nothing to look forward to.  I can't remember the last Friday night I went out to a bar and danced all night.  It has been probably a decade or so.  So, it is not like I would be doing that now, but just the fact that I can't, makes it feel so, well, restrictive.  Again, I agree with the restrictions, I am just sick of them.   There are a lot of signs that the pandemic may have an end point.  Not because it is actually going to have an end point, but, like most things, it will be cancelled by a lack of interest.  No one really cares anymore.  No one cares about the numbers anymore, even though they are alarmingly high.  Actually, we don't even know what the number...

  Do you ever read police reports or watch real life crime stories and feel two different emotions at the same time?  I'm usually horrified, but there is another emotion that I feel and I can't quite name it.  I basically can sum it up by saying, "who would even think about doing that?"   I am not saying that I don't condone crimes of passion, but they are a little bit more understandable.  We have all had passion in our lives and know how powerful that can be.  It is certainly not right, but you can understand a strong, in the moment, instinct to defend yourself or seek revenge.  Again, I am not saying I approve, but I am saying I understand.   But, some of the horrible things that people do, I just can't understand how people even think of doing things like that.  Or, how, at some point, common sense doesn't kick in.  For example, I can possibly understand the passion that one feels about seeing someone they think is a neighb...