We are Getting Married Next Month !

We are getting married very soon.  We have a plan and everything.  It is going to happen.  We have been engaged for years.  Getting married was something that wasn't high on my priority list.  Been there.  Done that.  It was important to my partner to get married.  It feels like the right time.  

We are in love.  We have a grandson whom we talk to everyday, even when he is not with us.  We just love this little guy so much.  My children are launched and are great humans.  It seems like a good time.   

My guy turned 55 this past weekend.  His "family" threw him a little party for family only and I wasn't invited.  In fairness, they will argue that point.  They will note that I was invited third hand and why aren't I grateful that I am allowed to spend time in their greatness.  They will go through an elaborate process to defend that I was invited.  Regardless, if you have ever made to feel unwelcome, you understand this.  What I have learned is that talk is incredibly cheap.  Talking the talk is easy.  Walking the walk is more difficult.  I wasn't born yesterday, and I know where I am not welcome.  

Regardless, even though we are "mature" in age, we have decided that we want to make it official.  

My mother passed a few months prior to our engagement.  All of her friends said that would be such a happy day for her.  M:y mother died of a number of diseases and their complications, but, in reality, she died of a broken heart.  She loved my dad so completely and fully, she never got over her broken heart when he went to heaven.  She was ready to join them.  But, she told me almost every day how much she loved Andrew and she wanted us to be together forever.  She called him "sweetie" and hugged him every time she saw him. She told him how proud she was of him. 

Now, I have been ordered not to be critical of "the firm" in my blog posts, so I won't offer any analysis.  Also, I couldn't make this up.  

My guy accidentally told his mother yesterday.  She was not happy.  She felt there was no reason for us to get married since we have been common-law for so long, it doesn't make a difference.  Don't get married, she advised.  Don't let her trap you.  Well, if she asked, I could assure her that I didn't get pregnant to trap him.  He told her it was really his decision and he wanted to do this.  She then wanted reassurance that I wouldn't be changing my name.  No worries there.  

Later she called him to reassure him that even though he was getting married, she knew that he loved her so much and that she would always be first with him.  She declined to speak to me directly to extend congratulations.  She made it clear she was congratulating him for getting married, but she was not happy about who he was marrying.  

You may be wondering what this has to do with social justice.  

Well, here is the point.  I also make this point at poker tables.  Society has long recognized that there are barriers to success for minorities.  It seems weird to say that women are a minority since they are a little over 50% of the population.  However, there are many occupations that are male dominated so in those domains the women are the minority.  Take poker, for example.  I have called it the last bastion of misogyny.  I can see the eyes rolling from my poker friends.  They know what is coming next.  If I am the only woman at the table, I think the majority has the responsibility to ask my name and use it and not refer to me as "she" or "her" in front of me.  It is demeaning.to be called by a pronoun when everyone else is referred to by name.  

We know that minorities or people with disabilities or other groups who have been systemically discriminated against don't have a level playing field when it comes to opportunities.  This is the basis of affirmative action.  When, you have two candidates that are equal in their merits, you give the opportunity to someone who identifies themselves as a minority or disabled.  It is called affirmative action.  It is also called the right thing to do.  

So, when you are entering a new family, they have the majority and you are the minority.  It is their responsibility to make you feel welcome in the family, not the other way around.  

Canada is a much more vibrant country for its diversity and the healthy way we value diversity.  If his family would give me a chance, they would find that I could add a lot of strengths to the firm, er, I mean family.