Growth. Always possible. Believe.

I think I will always love this picture.  It was taken a year ago, but it represents so much.  It was taken in front of the Vimy Arena.  Abandoned since 2013.  A veritable eye sore.  It will be torn down soon to build something beautiful.  I have wanted to take a sledge hammer to the building for a while just to have a piece of it.  It's ok if I never have a physical piece of it.  I have this picture. 

The Bruce Oake Foundation went to 8 Council meetings to fight to have the Recovery Centre built on this site.  There were times when it looked like those opposed to the Centre would prevail.  They didn't.  This site and the BORC represent to me that growth can happen.  When it looks like the chips are down, just believe.  Things always change. 

A year ago, there was a group of narcissists that enjoyed destroying my personal resiliency.  I didn't think I would ever be able to get past it.  I didn't blame them.  They were just doing what they do.  I blamed myself.  I literally let my resiliency go and believed all the negative things about me were true.  I didn't think things would ever change.  One of the things that I did to work on myself was to join an on-line support group. 

Today, I went to that support group.  Someone had posted a conversation starter.  Manipulation example sentences from the narcissist?  A year reading this list would have given me the chills.  I was still believing that I was no good.  Today, I read the list and laughed out loud.  Most of the examples listed were verbatim comments directed to me.  I kept laughing. 

Growth.  I can't control anyone but myself.  And, it turns out, despite best efforts, no one can control me and I am not stuck anymore.  Today, the only thing holding me back is my humility.  It's true.  I'm pretty awesome. 

Growth.  Always possible.  Believe. 

I am going to share some comments from the support group.  Just in case, they resonate with you.  Maybe you are believing a narcissist and don't even realize it.  If they do resonate with you, you are not alone and you can take control of your life again.  You just have to start. 

"I didn't do anything."
"That is only your opinion."
"I have asked people about you.  Nobody likes you."
Push. Push. Push. Push.  "Look, it is you yelling.  You are too emotional."
"I didn't say that.  You are making things up like you always do."
"Change the subject"
"I don't want to talk about the past."
"You have a chip on your shoulder.  You are looking for someone to blame for your problems."
"That never happened."
"I have nothing to apologize for."
"You make me act like this."
"It's in the past."  (You can't bring up something done yesterday but they are allowed to bemoan things that happened 5/10.20 years ago.)
Voice Mail Message:  "Apparently I did something that I need to apologize for.  Now that I have, I feel so much better and I know you have the class to accept this graciously and we can never discuss again."
"That never happened.  I never said that."
"You shouldn't have reacted.  It was your reaction to what I did was the problem."
"All I have done is everything I could to make the situation better and you still find fault in me. I am the victim."
"That was a long time ago and I don't remember."  (happened last week)
"You are not allowed to discuss anything that happened in the past."
"So, we have agreed that I have done nothing wrong, I bet we both feel better never having to discuss this again."
When receiving voice mail when he knows I am driving home from work. "I see you are screening my calls.  How immature.  If I can't talk to you, I will make plans and text you what you need to do."
On being five minutes late for lunch.  "I can't believe how disrespectful for you.  I am starting to believe all the things said about you."
"Its always about you.  Can't we ever have a nice conversation without bringing up personal things?"
"Why can't you let things go?"
"It's always something with you."
"Once again,you have totally misconstrued my good intentions."
"It's all in your head.  You have problems.  You just want to fight."
"You will do as I say, and that is the least you can do, given all that I have done for you."

It actually goes on and on and I have heard all of them.  Eerie.  But, I no longer am affected.  Recovery and growth are possible. 

The excitement is building. 



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