The Scarf - Part 1

2020 started out pretty awful for my partner and I.  We were both physically ill with different ailments.  We were so ill that we both hit massive walls of depression, him on a Sunday and me on the following Tuesday.  The only positive thing about the first two weeks in January was that we never turned on each other.  When you are feeling so awful, it is easy to lash out on one another and we didn't.  As we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary of being together this year, this was a real sign that we are strong in our relationship. 

One day, after spending several days in my pjs, my partner suggested that he wanted to make me smile.  He told me to get dressed and we were going for a drive.  I had no desire to go for a drive but I am blessed with a man who wants to make me smile. 

We drove to a store.  This wasn't going to make me smile.  He said this wasn't our final destination but there was something on sale that he wanted to get.  I went in with him and the sales clerk complimented my scarf.  She really liked it.  I thanked her for the compliment.  I remember this scarf.  I bought it because it was pretty and had interesting colours.  It turned out it didn't really go with any of my coats and it could be only be worn one way.  I like scarfs that I can get two looks.

Then, we are off to our surprise destination.  The future home of the Bruce Oake Recovery Centre.  My partner knew what he was doing.  I smiled immediately. 

When you arrive at a construction site, you are greeted with a whole bunch of unfriendly signs that are needed for safety.  No trespassing.  Get out.  Etc.  I laughed out loud at the irony.  The Bruce Oake Recovery Centre will be on the most welcoming place once construction is completed.  I respected the signs, but I wasn't deterred.  Once you actually look at where the site will be, you truly can not understand any opposition for the Centre.  It won't be disturbing any home owners in the area.  It is just about perfect. 

The sign announcing that this was the future home of the Bruce Oake Recovery Centre was also perfect.  The top of the sign shows a prominent picture of Bruce Oake.  It just shows that the BORC Foundation firmly knows what the mission statement is and respects that.  The Oakes were just a family that lost a son and a brother to addiction.  They simply are motivated so that some other families may be spared from this tragedy. 

The left hand picture speaks volumes to me.  A picture of the Centre landscaped with bundles of prairie grass.  So beautiful and so metaphorical.  Prairie grass is basically an annoying weed and here they were bundled and made into something beautiful.  So many are going to enter the doors feeling empty and they were have the opportunity to transform their lives to something beautiful. 

The right hand picture is the day the ground is broken.  So many beautiful memories of that day.  If you followed the many obstacles that existed to the ground being broken, you couldn't help but cry when those shovels turned.  That day also occurred during campaigning for both federal and provincial elections.  Politicians of all parties turned out and no politics were discussed.  It is just such a hopeful sign when we can all share in the value of compassion and second chances. 

So, my partner made me smile.  Once I had been smiling for a while, I stopped.  All of a sudden I was struck with a profound sense of heaviness.  I have worked in an addiction treatment facility.  It is hard work.  Often working with someone that achieves a significant break-through means that you become exposed to vicarious trauma.  The better the counselor you are means the more prone you are to vicarious trauma.  And, since it is such hard work, you are also at risk of compassion fatigue.  And, as tough as it is for the clinical staff, it is much harder for the men that enter for treatment.  Weeks and months of extensive therapy, group work, life skills training, problem solving skills, stress management, identifying triggers and planning for these, boundary skills training, addressing family of origin issues, and tons of other work.  Not to mention participation in chores and other activities of self-care.  Such hard work.  The men who enter this Centre are taking huge risks in being vulnerable and trying for a second chance at life.  It won't be easy.  I have never been a participant in a recovery centre, but I have participated in therapy.  Sometimes an hour session is so tough, that I need to stay in bed the next day to recover.  And, that is after a 50 minute session.  I can't imagine how difficult it will be for the residents of BORC to live this 24 hours for several weeks. 

It also reminded me of another gentleman who is chronicling his recovery in the media every month of so.  I don't even know this man yet he has reached out to me to offer support as I try to help my daughter navigate her journey.  He has offered to be a listening board and to "try and make sense of the things that don't make sense." 

It reminds me that, whatever happens within the completed walls, it will always occur with one simple rule.  Be kind. 

And, it was a real reminder that no matter what challenges I face, as long as I am being kind, I have an opportunity to make my corner of the world better.  I told my partner to drive back to the store that we started our journey.  I found the clerk who had complimented my scarf.  I wasn't enjoying this scarf so I gave it to her.  It is a beautiful scarf so someone who liked it should have the opportunity to wear it with pride.  The clerk was happy and I was happy. 

Whatever happens during your day, be guided by the principle of kindness.