The Scarf - Part 2

I was fortunate not to experience bullying while I was in school.  Maybe it happened behind my back, but I never felt bullied in the school system.  My first experience with bullying happened when I became a consumer.  It seemed very odd to me but I was treated badly by salespeople.  When I was in Junior High school, when my mother and I went shopping at the Dauphin Marketplace Mall, we would stop and have a treat at the Woolco Cafeteria.  Since my mom was buying me things, it seemed the least I could do was pay for her coffee and pie or whatever she wanted.  She would sit and I would go through the line and this one cashier always treated me with indignation and condensation.  One time, she didn't give me a receipt but I knew I was over-charged.  I asked my mom to handle it for me and she replied, "you have a mouth, learn to use it."  I went to the bully and didn't win the battle, but I think I won the war.  She never bullied me again.  That is one way to handle a bully.  Stand up to a bully and they lose your power over you.

Still as a young consumer, similar situations seemed to occur over and over.  I asked my dad why this occurred.  My dad told me that all bullies were victims of bullying themselves.  He said that adults who bullied perceived themselves as having a little bit of power and wanted to capitalize on it.  My dad told me to emphasize with the bully and let them exert this small amount of power because it was usually inconsequential.  So, I have let many things go as I usually feel sorry for the individual who is trying to bully me.

I had a situation this week that I let go but I sure had a bunch of thoughts while it was going on.  I am sharing my experience publicly not to also be a bully but for introspection.  I wonder how many organizations realize they have a bully that may be hurting their business.  What I was thinking is in parantheses. 

Unfortunately, I had lost my coat check tab when I went to go get my coat.  There were two gentleman working at the coat check.  The man who was actually looking for my coat was young and Asian.  The man who was trying to bully me was older and Caucasian.  I knew I had a red coloured tab and I thought the number was 365 but I wasn't certain.  The young Asian man located my coat immediately and held it up but from the angle and distance he was holding it up, it looked like a very small sized coat and I haven't worn petite in a very long time, so I didn't think it was my coat. 

The older man started to question me.  His first question was if my coat had a scarf with it.  I shook my head.  He then asked why I didn't have a scarf as it was cold out. 

(If it is relevant, it is because I gave away the scarf that I had for this coat and haven't replaced it with one of my many scarfs.) 

What time did you arrive at the Casino today?  I arrived at 5 pm.  So, you have been at the Casino for 7 hours?  Are you sure about your recollection? 

(My partner arrived at 5 pm to have dinner together so that we could register for the poker tournament when registration opened at 6 pm.  The reason I register early is because I am very short and there was limited seats that are high enough to allow me to see the whole table.  I have been playing poker for 5 hours so I assure you my mental skills are sharp.  I know you are trying to imply that I have been drinking but all I have had is perrier water.)

I remembered I had a picture of my coat on my phone.  The older man who was not looking for my coat looked at the picture and he said, "you see in this picture, you have a scarf on this coat?" 

(What is your issue with the scarf?)

This picture looks recent and it is with a scarf.  Maybe you didn't bring your coat after all. 

(You are being ridiculous and I feel patronized.  You are telling me you believe that all casino patrons have addiction and mental illness.  That may apply to me, but it may not.  You are robbing me of my dignity and it is taking strength to be silent and not feed in to your judgement of me.)

So, your coat, does it have a label or a brand name printed somewhere on it?  No, it doesn't.  A generic coat. 

So, you don't have a designer coat?

(Again, if it helps, I have about a dozen designer coats at home, and the handbag that I am carrying is probably worth 10x the coat in question.)

Just as I was willing to walk away, my coat was found by the young Asian man.  I thought that would be the end but no, I was informed my the older man that there was paperwork that was necessary to fill out.

I had to say my name and provide identification and my club card was not enough.  I provided my passport.  "What is wrong with you?  Don't you have a driver's licence?"

(Not that it is any of your business, but I deliberately keep my passport accessible for situations like this.  I have been a victim of a crime from someone who obtained my address and I really don't want you to know my address.)

So, what is the designer label of your coat? 

(Asked and answered.  Now you are just being a jerk.)

What is the size of your coat?  XL.  Are you sure that is the size?

(Are you trying to fat shame me now?)

By the way, the tab for this coat was 385 and you said 365, you were not even close. 

(I had two of the three numbers right, I think that is pretty good, but I am quite willing to engage in an IQ test with you.)

Overall, it was not a positive exchange because this bully was trying to exert his power over me.  Had our interaction lasted another minute, I was quite willing to tell him to shove it and would walk from my coat.  I have a lot of coats, it wouldn't be a big deal. 

But, my dad's words still guide me.  Be sorry for the bully.  They have been bullied all of their lives so they take whatever opportunity to exert power over anyone.  So, instead of telling him off, I chose to be kind. 

Whatever your daily interactions, chose to be kind.  You won't regret it and you will feel better about yourself.  No one needs to carry that negative energy.  There are so many challenges in life that you need a shield of positivity to help you. 

In a world where you can be anything, chose to be kind. 


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