Finding Joy at a Funeral?

I wanted to write about joy today.   It was hard to find.  Another prominent actor has been accused of sexual harassment.  North Korea seems to be "ramping up" their ability to spread evil.  The President continues to act idiotic.  Even Canada has a scandal that seems to be gaining traction.  At my home, one of my friends is experiencing a family crisis and another friend is struggling with familial dysfunction.  My own little blog is being scrutinized by more than one source in an effort to cause trouble in my life.   

It is good thing I have something positive in my reserve.  An event that I attended a few months ago which made a lasting impression on me and gave me hope.   

It was the funeral of one of my friend's father.   First of all, let me tell you about my friend.  Well, I don't know if we really are friends, but I sure want to be her friend.  My fiance and I have been together for about 7 1/2 years.  When we were early in our relationship, we had the conversation about past relationships.  I found out he was engaged to a wonderful woman named Nancy.   It ended when they just grew apart.  He had nothing but positive things to say about her.  That was one of the first signs that this was a man worth keeping.  A man who has nothing but positive things to say about a former relationship.   

We ran into her at a grocery store early into our relationship.  He introduced us with no hesitation.  He was proud of both of us.  I understand why immediately.  Nancy always smiles.  Nancy just is a warm person.  Every time I have had contact with her, I have come away better.   I doubt she knows that I am in awe of her.  She is humble.  She has a wonderful sense of self, she radiates confidence, but, what I most like about her is that she is passionate and follows her dreams.  She is middle aged, but still figuring out what she wants to do when she grows up.  She is just a supportive and non-judgmental person.  I just really like her.  My fiance still really likes her.  I am so grateful to him for introducing us.  Even though she is really pretty, I am not concerned that my partner and her are going to resume their relationship.  I am not only happy that she is in my life, I am really grateful that my partner still has her as a friend.   I love that we can both strive to live life as she does.  

Her father went to heaven to join his wife.  My partner was so deeply saddened and talked about his memories of this man.  He sounded remarkable.  I wasn't surprised.  After all, he had raised a remarkable daughter.   

I wanted to attend the funeral to support my partner in his grief.  It is probably not an appropriate word, but it is a truthful word.  The funeral was amazing.  

Her father was a celebrity so it was absolutely packed.  But, what I couldn't help noticing as everyone tried to find a seat was the interaction of his children.  Two older brothers and the baby, my friend, Nancy.  What was remarkable was the support each one gave to the other.  They were just there for each other.   All I saw was authenticity.   It was as if they were interacting at any other day, being proud of each other, teasing each other, sharing stories, and just being who they always were.   

The program of the funeral featured one of the most eloquent eulogies that I have ever witnessed.  It was done by a professional colleague and close friend.  It was a detailed account of my life and it was also authentic.  I learned a lot about this man, but, one of reasons that this eulogy was so well done was that it talked about the values and ethical dilemmas that this man faced.  It taught me not only what he did but why he did it.  It turned this man was human and made some mistakes, but he used these mistakes well to reflect and learn.   When I say the eulogy was delivered by a professional colleague, I should clarify, that they were not so much colleagues as competitors.  Yet, this professional competition never interfered with this long and sincere friendship.  

All three children participated in the funeral.  They all spoke gloriously about their father, but I don't remember much of what they said, mostly because I was crying so hard.  But, that is ok, because I learned so much about what kind of father he was by watching these three.  In a world of dysfunction, it was such a thrill to watch a functional family.  There was no sign of tension at all.   The three of them had all blazed their own trails and their parents were proud of each one of them.  The three siblings weren't in competition for their father's love, they knew he had enough for all of them.   

I do remember one thing Nancy said.   There was a period when the father was unemployed and this was the "lean years" in the household.  Nancy said she didn't realize there were lean years when she was experiencing them because there was never any shortage of love and laughter.  

My partner let me do all the crying until we got to our car.  Then, he started crying deeply.  After a couple of moments, he said to me, "Please don't take offence, but all I can of is that I want to be part of that family."   I told him, "Please don't take offence, but I do too!"

Sometimes it is hard to find joy.  It is hard to find in this uncertain world.  It is hard to find in our own hearts, sometimes.   But, joy does exist.  There are remarkable people out there doing ordinary things but they are still able to make their lives extraordinary.  When we see these people, we need to remember that they have enough joy to share.  Grab some of this joy.  Hold on to it and it will multiply in your heart and then go share it.   Maybe if we all do this, joy might be not so hard to find.