Much Ado About Nothing - Part 1

It seems like a lifetime ago, but it was something that was bothering me so I discussed it with my therapist who I had been seeing for over a year.  I began seeking therapy as part of my treatment of severe trauma.  

You see there was this woman who I worked with a couple of decades ago.  We had lots in common and we shared the same friends.  Professionally, we seemed to really respect each other, however, our relationship was, frankly, respectful.  We were not friends.  We just never clicked.  Overall, she was more analytical and I was more emotional.  I wanted to be friends, but it just seemed to be something that was never going to happen, and we both seemed to be comfortable with that.  

One night, I was working late at the office when my husband called to warn me.  He said this woman just came over looking for me and she seemed really angry and she was heading over to the office to find me.  First of all, I couldn`t imagine her angry because she didn`t express emotion and I racked my brain thinking what I could have done to provoke her.  

She burst in my office and demanded to know, `what the hell was going on!``  I didn`t know what she was talking about.  She started crying and told me that her and her husband were having problems and had been seeking counselling.  She told me that her husband had come home and told her that I had been telling everyone at his workplace about this and he was so angry that he decided to kick her out of the house and end the marriage.  She was crying and telling me because of my spreading gossip that she would now have to find a house for herself and her marriage was beyond repair.  I started crying too because she was so upset.  I told her that I had done none of this because I wasn`t even aware that they were having problems and I didn`t even know where he worked.  It was an irrational fight but she thought it might help if I called her husband and explained.  Of course, I called this man and tried to tell her we had never met, I had no knowledge of their personal circumstance, and didn`t know anyone he worked with.  He was raw with emotion, too, and just called me names.  

A couple of weeks later, I got word from a mutual friend that she had realized that it didn`t make sense that I had done this, and she had discovered her husband had been seeing another woman and made us the story and used my name as he knew this would get a reaction from her in order to expedite their dissolution.  She had forgiven me.  She did end up getting a house and moving on with her life.  

A little while later, we found ourselves alone together at a party where we had both had way too much wine.  We continued to have more wine and worked out our differences.  We never would be best friends but we had least gone back to our mutual respect.  

A few months later, he hired my husband to renovate her kitchen and bathroom.  I didn`t think anything good would come from that.  She was very particular.  I felt she would complain and I would be in the middle.  But, the renovation seemed to be going well.  

Then, one weekend, I was taking my children to visit my mother out of town.  My husband felt that the renovation would be complete by the time we returned home on Sunday.  I was relieved.  I remember her asking me if I trusted my husband leaving him alone for the weekend.  I did.  I talked to my husband Friday night to let him know we arrived safe.  He told me the renovation was going well and that she had offered to cook him dinner on Saturday night so that he could continue work after dinner and that he might even finish on Saturday.  That all seemed good to me.  

When we got home on Sunday, he told me the renovation had been completed and he told me about his dinner on Saturday.  Apparently, it was quite the romantic dinner and that she had invited him upstairs to continue the romance and that she had already made plans for breakfast in bed.  My husband said he declined and got out of their quickly.  To be honest, I thought my husband had made up the proposition because I didn`t really think that he was her type.  

But, after that, our work relationship seemed to shift subtly.  Things just seemed a little weird between us but things always felt a little weird between us so I didn`t think much of it.  

A couple of years later, my husband did cheat on me and that led to the dissolution of our marriage.  

A decade later, I was wondering what really happened that night.  Had my husband lied to me about leaving her house.  Did he actually sleep with her.  Was she doing this to get back at me because she had secretly felt that I did spread this rumour about her.  

It was an unanswered question that I found myself thinking about often.  My therapist listened to this long story and then said, ``Congratulations.  You have completed therapy.  This is our last session.``

That wasn`t the response I expected.  He said, in this case, it didn`t matter if the answer was yes or no.  I would still be in the same place that I was and nothing would change if I knew the answer.  He felt that if I was thinking of such a trivial detail, then I had obviously resolved my trauma.  

I tested this theory and imagined that they had slept together.  Then, I had imagined that they hadn`t slept together.  Then, I extrapolated what would have happened next based on the two outcomes.  He was right.  I would have been in the same place in my life.  It didn`t matter.  It was much ado about nothing.  

In the end, I learned a really valuable lesson.   Put things into perspective.  This too shall pass.  What you are stressing about now, you might not even remember in 10 years.  Don`t waste valuable time thinking of things that don`t actually matter.  You may never know all the answers to your questions, but, life still goes on.   Spend your life living and not trying to make sense of your past.  Move forward.  Live life to the fullest.  Let the past guide you not to make the same mistakes but focus most on your present and then your future will take care of itself.  It is simple, common sense.