You have to be so careful these days.......
It has started. Holiday gatherings. I was at a gathering this past weekend and I found myself standing in a circle of 5. I knew the other four by name only, so we just getting to know each other by small talk.
In my circle, there were 2 women and 3 men. So, we talked about the weather. We all concluded that it is cold in Winnipeg in the winter. So, with this knowledge, one man asked a woman if she had any plans for a winter vacation?
The other two men reacted quickly and told that questioner that he needed to be careful "these days" and that question could get him labeled as a pervert and a sex offender. Who knew, it was possible someone was filming this conversation on their cell phone and it would be all over the internet exposing him as a sex offender. Both of these men started to denigrate women saying they are so touchy and misinterpret things and you have to be careful when you open your mouth.
Really. A woman doesn't know the difference between an innocent question and a sexual assault. We think those things are the same thing. Also, apparently, we take some pleasure in pointing the finger at some one. Ludicrous. Any woman who has been through an assault takes any pleasure in reliving the experience and telling their story and bringing back pain that they have tried to suppress.
I admit I had a strong reaction to these idiots. I said you have no reason to be careful if you are respectful to women. You don't need a filter if you have nothing to filter.
The man who asked the question apologized over and over and said that he was raised by a single mom and 4 older sisters and he had nothing but respect for women. I indicated he had nothing to apologize for because he just asked a question which was a natural progression in the conversation.
I said the two men who had the reactions needed to apologize. They would not apologize because they said they never said anything. I said they actually did and what they expressed was that all women were weak and looking to ruin a man's life with a baseless allegation. The fact that they felt they needed to filter their comments meant that they, in fact, were likely disrespectful to my gender.
Well, they never apologized. The other woman was silent. The man who asked the question kept apologizing. It was 2 men against me. They started raising their voices. I kept my resolve and kept lowering my voice in contrast. Everyone else at the gathering became uncomfortable because it was supposed to be a festive gathering.
Finally, the man walked away together saying, "See we were right. Women are so touchy."
As I write this, the news is on. Charlie Rose has just been fired following allegations from 8 women. I shouldn't be shocked but I am. I thought he was one of the good guys. Also, there is a New Yorker article investigating Harvey Weinstein. One of the woman that he paid off had released the non-disclosure agreement that he made her sign. It is the definition on draconian. It was also revealed that he used his own brother to broker some of the payments so that it wouldn't be traced to him. He had many lawyers and a private security firm working on keeping his empire of sexual assaults quiet. These poor young women didn't have a chance.
It was somewhat comforting to know that there is some good guys still left. It was refreshing that one man was willing to accept responsibility for his actions and sincerely apologize if any offence was taken. It is not comforting that, even in that situation, he was in the minority of men.
It doesn't appear that men who are prone to sexism will ever be swayed by the voices of women. I think we have to start appealing to the men who actually understand our plight. Maybe they can have some influence and start leading the societal change.
In my circle, there were 2 women and 3 men. So, we talked about the weather. We all concluded that it is cold in Winnipeg in the winter. So, with this knowledge, one man asked a woman if she had any plans for a winter vacation?
The other two men reacted quickly and told that questioner that he needed to be careful "these days" and that question could get him labeled as a pervert and a sex offender. Who knew, it was possible someone was filming this conversation on their cell phone and it would be all over the internet exposing him as a sex offender. Both of these men started to denigrate women saying they are so touchy and misinterpret things and you have to be careful when you open your mouth.
Really. A woman doesn't know the difference between an innocent question and a sexual assault. We think those things are the same thing. Also, apparently, we take some pleasure in pointing the finger at some one. Ludicrous. Any woman who has been through an assault takes any pleasure in reliving the experience and telling their story and bringing back pain that they have tried to suppress.
I admit I had a strong reaction to these idiots. I said you have no reason to be careful if you are respectful to women. You don't need a filter if you have nothing to filter.
The man who asked the question apologized over and over and said that he was raised by a single mom and 4 older sisters and he had nothing but respect for women. I indicated he had nothing to apologize for because he just asked a question which was a natural progression in the conversation.
I said the two men who had the reactions needed to apologize. They would not apologize because they said they never said anything. I said they actually did and what they expressed was that all women were weak and looking to ruin a man's life with a baseless allegation. The fact that they felt they needed to filter their comments meant that they, in fact, were likely disrespectful to my gender.
Well, they never apologized. The other woman was silent. The man who asked the question kept apologizing. It was 2 men against me. They started raising their voices. I kept my resolve and kept lowering my voice in contrast. Everyone else at the gathering became uncomfortable because it was supposed to be a festive gathering.
Finally, the man walked away together saying, "See we were right. Women are so touchy."
As I write this, the news is on. Charlie Rose has just been fired following allegations from 8 women. I shouldn't be shocked but I am. I thought he was one of the good guys. Also, there is a New Yorker article investigating Harvey Weinstein. One of the woman that he paid off had released the non-disclosure agreement that he made her sign. It is the definition on draconian. It was also revealed that he used his own brother to broker some of the payments so that it wouldn't be traced to him. He had many lawyers and a private security firm working on keeping his empire of sexual assaults quiet. These poor young women didn't have a chance.
It was somewhat comforting to know that there is some good guys still left. It was refreshing that one man was willing to accept responsibility for his actions and sincerely apologize if any offence was taken. It is not comforting that, even in that situation, he was in the minority of men.
It doesn't appear that men who are prone to sexism will ever be swayed by the voices of women. I think we have to start appealing to the men who actually understand our plight. Maybe they can have some influence and start leading the societal change.
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