Much Ado About Nothing - Part 2
About a year ago, I was betrayed by a friend. (I think, well, I was almost positive.) I was really hurt. I didn`t expect this and it was a hard one to get over. My first thought was to find a way to seek revenge. This friend had hurt me badly and I didn`t think I would be able to get over it until I hurt him equally as bad so he knew what it felt like.
I actually have a lot of experience seeking revenge as I have been hurt more than once. Much like, everyone on the planet. However, seeking revenge has led to more problems in my life, so I know this revenge this never works out well for me.
I just let myself feel the feeling fully. It just hurt. I didn`t allow myself to judge my feelings. I didn`t try to rationalize it. I didn`t blame myself for what he did. After all, we had a complicated relationship. I realized every relationship is complicated. So, I just hurt.
After a while, I forgave him. Forgiveness wasn`t something I was doing for him. It was gift to myself. It allowed me to move on.
Then, out of the blue, last week, I received a new piece of information. This new piece of information cast doubt on whether he betrayed me. I could have been wrong. All the hurt came back to me and I realized I would have to go back and revisit the original betrayal again and start the process again. I really didn`t want to go there again.
I used the old test that I had been taught years ago. Would knowing the answer change where was I was now.
It turned out in this case, it was much ado about something. You see, in this case, I trusted myself and believed that he betrayed me. Since he let the relationship go, it seemed like my gut was right. This new information wasn`t really about him or the betrayal. It was about me. I needed to trust myself. If I can`t trust myself, then, who can I trust. My trust in myself leads me to make confident decisions. It makes me responsible for my choices. I couldn`t go back and go through this process again. My gut may lead to make some mistakes, but, that is ok. With every mistake, I learn. At the end of the day, I need a strong internal compass to help me navigate through the mine fields called life. I am confident moving forward.
I actually have a lot of experience seeking revenge as I have been hurt more than once. Much like, everyone on the planet. However, seeking revenge has led to more problems in my life, so I know this revenge this never works out well for me.
I just let myself feel the feeling fully. It just hurt. I didn`t allow myself to judge my feelings. I didn`t try to rationalize it. I didn`t blame myself for what he did. After all, we had a complicated relationship. I realized every relationship is complicated. So, I just hurt.
After a while, I forgave him. Forgiveness wasn`t something I was doing for him. It was gift to myself. It allowed me to move on.
Then, out of the blue, last week, I received a new piece of information. This new piece of information cast doubt on whether he betrayed me. I could have been wrong. All the hurt came back to me and I realized I would have to go back and revisit the original betrayal again and start the process again. I really didn`t want to go there again.
I used the old test that I had been taught years ago. Would knowing the answer change where was I was now.
It turned out in this case, it was much ado about something. You see, in this case, I trusted myself and believed that he betrayed me. Since he let the relationship go, it seemed like my gut was right. This new information wasn`t really about him or the betrayal. It was about me. I needed to trust myself. If I can`t trust myself, then, who can I trust. My trust in myself leads me to make confident decisions. It makes me responsible for my choices. I couldn`t go back and go through this process again. My gut may lead to make some mistakes, but, that is ok. With every mistake, I learn. At the end of the day, I need a strong internal compass to help me navigate through the mine fields called life. I am confident moving forward.
Comments
Post a Comment