The C Word



Samantha Bee is back on her show Full Frontal with Samantha Bee.  The title of the show may give you an idea of what to expect in terms of content.  The fact that it usually plays close to midnight when all children should be asleep may be another clue.

The fact that she is the only woman starring in a news spoof is probably another clue.  You know the quote.  It has been attributed to a number of people and has been said many different ways but you know the sentiment.  The quote is about needing to be twice as good as a man in order to be considered half as good.  Fortunately, it is not difficult.  Well, the reality is, it is difficult in the comedic world.  We have a number of talented female comedians around who are held to a much higher standard than male comedians.  Don't believe me.  Just ask Michelle Wolf.  Her jokes at the White House Press Dinner were tame compared to male hosts in the past.  I used to dabble in stand-up.  Believe me, you need a potty-mouth.

Regardless, she used the C word and that was inappropriate.  She didn't lose her job because her network noted that her show is taped and not live.  They were complicit with her because they didn't edit that part out.  And, it is too bad that she said the C word.  It wasn't necessary.  Feckless was enough.  Feckless was such a good adjective to describe Ivanka. 

But, she used the C word.  The good thing about this is that she got us talking.  Talking about where the line should be drawn.

The other good thing to come out of this were her apologies.  Samantha Bee was sincerely apologetic.  She took full responsibility for her mistake.  She apologized directly to Ivanka.  She also apologized sincerely to all women.  She said she used this word when it probably was heard on some of the worst moments of many women's lives.

She has used that word before on her show.  So, I guess it is ok to use as long as it is not directed at the President's Special Adviser.  She apologized for using that word because it has detracted from the message she was trying to send.  It was about immigration.  She is very passionate about the 1500 migrant children who are missing.  Sadly, no one is talking about that.  They are talking about the C word.

Also, Samantha Bee addressed the males who were offended by the use of the C word.  She indicated that she was not apologizing to them because this word did not affect them.  Good for you, Samantha.  I love Law and Order and one of my favorite lines of the franchise occurred when Alex Eames asked Bobby Goren about his position on abortion.  He said, "I'll tell you when I'm pregnant."  Yes.  There are some issues that should be in the realm of women.  We don't tell you are babies when you complain about prostate exams.  You don't have any idea what it feels like to have a pap test.  When someone asks a man about the birth of a child, he should defer to the woman.  Yes, you were there bringing ice chips (that is a made-up job to give you something to do) but it clearly was the woman doing the heavy lifting.

As a woman, I have used the C word and I have been called the C word.

I used it once and that was in high school.  My best friend and I were having an argument about politics and it got pretty heated.  That was the norm between us.  We were best friends but we agreed on almost nothing.  We had the same argument many times so we had no more new points to bring up.  So, now we just started insulting each other.  She called me some words.  I didn't just want to repeat her words so I needed a new word.  I called her the C word without knowing the significance of what I was saying.  I found out.  I apologized for a long time.  We didn't have arguments for a long time after, because I had no moral authority to question her because I had crossed the line.  When we got close to disagreeing, I automatically conceded defeat.  I deeply regret using that word.  I have apologized to her, but, I also deeply regret the consequences for me.  Like I said, I did a lot of penance for using that word.

And, yes, I have been called the C word.  For over a decade, I took children away from their parents for a living.  Parents tend to get emotional when that happens.  I was called that word many times, but it never affected me.  I was actually more concerned about my physical safety.  Being called the C word was much more appealing than having them attack me physically.  I gave those people a pass.

And there was one woman who called me the C word about twice a week, sometimes more, sometimes less.

Before I met her, I already had an advantage over her.  I had read a lot about her.  Information is power.  I knew a lot about her and she knew nothing about me.  I had read, among other things that she was 103 years old and didn't have anyone looking out for her.  She was all of 4 feet and some very little change.  She was described as frail.  I was meeting in hospital to tell her where she was going to spend the rest of her days.  It had already been decided, but she had not been consulted.

I walked in to her hospital room and there she was sitting silently and looking angelic.  What a sweet little old lady.  I had my clipboard ready with all the notes I was going to need for this meeting.  In order to break the ice, I asked her how old she was as most people are happy when they are over 100 and want to brag about that. 

She looked at me for a while and then said, "it doesn't say anywhere on that clipboard how old I am?"So, now I knew what I was in for.  This cute little old lady had the biggest potty mouth ever.  She made it very clear that she wanted to get the hell out of the place that I was telling her she was going to live.  She called me stupid, she called me fat, she called me a bitch, she called me lazy, she called me prissy, she called me insensitive, and she called me the C word.  Sometimes she would call me all those words together in one sentence.  For some reason, I didn't mind.  She was such an amazing woman with amazing spirit, that I was just thrilled that she talked to me.  My biggest challenge was keeping a straight face because she was cute and she thought her words were insulting but I just found them funny.  It took her about 20 minutes to wheel herself to my office.  I could hear her coming.  Someone would offer to help her.  She didn't need any of their f---ing help.  When someone asked her how she liked her meal, she would say, "how the hell do you think I liked this crap.  If your so curious taste some of this swill yourself."  She was so colourful but she only used the C word on me.  I was strangely honoured.  And, after three years, she left this Earth.  I miss her terribly and I wish she was here to call me the C word.

Yeah, the C word is just a word.  Just like a thought is just a thought.  The C word only has power when you assign power to it.  You can also chose not to give it any power.  That's what I did with the C word from this woman  I felt it was badge of honour. 

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