The Problem with Loving Kindness

"Hi.  My name is Shelley and I've been doing psychic readings for 38 years for people from all walks of life.  If you would like to book an appointment, please call at xxx-xxx-xxxx or email me at blah@blah.net."

No, it is not me.  I don't do psychic readings.  But, I have been practicing looking at the world through rosier coloured glasses.  Seriously.  There is a lot wrong in the world.  There is an unpredictable tyrant who is capable of using nuclear weapons for no particular reason.  He makes the world unsafe.  Then, there is Kim Jong Un.  

There are lots of reasons for peaceful protest.  Arguably, there are lots of reasons for protest.  Apparently, women aren't allowed to watch a male sporting event in Iran.  

I try desperately to leave a greener footprint by using the three Rs only to receive inches of useless flyers in the mail.  

A simple task, such as grocery shopping, is made uncomfortable by lack of personnel to process your payment.  I waited in line behind 5 other women who were doing the same as I was, buying the family weekly groceries.  It took longer to check out than it did to navigate through the store.  I have to wait to give them money.  It is a minor irritant in a day full of minor irritants.  

It adds up.  I hate being the victim of road rage, but, I also understand the frustration behind this.  Unfortunately, we all know that being upset doesn't help to change anything.  The majority of us have anger management issues as we have so much to be angry about but no avenue to let it out because every day there seems to be more to be angry about.  

I try to practice loving kindness.  I can't change the world but if I make my little corner of the world happier, I can hope that it will be passed along and in that way, we can change the world one smile at a time.  It's corny, but it's all I got.  

So, last week, I was enjoying a cup of coffee on my balcony.  My balcony is my own private oasis and is my place for zen.  There is an old miserable woman who lives in my building.  (Someone in addition to me.)  I don't know this woman but she is miserable and thinks everything is her business and is critical of everyone and everything she comes in contact with.  She is prickly to say the least.  I don't know her, but I don't like her.  

As I am enjoying my cup of coffee, she comes to the spot in the courtyard directly below my balcony with a young Asian man.  It turns out her name is Shelley.   The young man has the two sentence script written in large letters on a huge cue card.  They are making some sort of commercial.  A two sentence commercial filmed on his IPhone.  Must be a short ad an a UTube channel or something.   Regardless, the woman is nervous and there are many takes.  The young man uses positive coaching and never gets frustrated.  

Now, the realistic part of me wants to get really frustrated.  I have memorized the script after the first 5 takes and don't know why this woman can't get it and why are they choosing my corner of the world to film this and to disturb my moment of zen.  

But, the loving kinder part of me looks at this as an opportunity to practice loving kindness.  I feel akin to this woman as we share a name.  She is an old bitty and I am sure she is not promoting her psychic reading business as a hobby.  It seems she really needs the business.  I start seeing her as human and not just a miserable old lady.  I don't become frustrated with her numerous takes as I am silently cheering for her.  Believe it or not, it takes an hour for them to get one "usable" take of this commercial.  I had finished my coffee and made another cup.  I was still done half an hour into this venture but I had already invested time in this, I really wanted to see how it turned out.  I really wished her well. 

I was proud of my emotional health to not be irritated.  

Yesterday, I was enjoying a cup of coffee on my balcony.  Along comes the psychic reader with her young man with renewed vigor ready to film a better copy of their two sentence commercial.  Again, I am watching this with loving kindness as they chose to disrupt the space directly below my balcony when they have the choice of the whole courtyard.  

The other Shelley acknowledges me as "there is that woman sitting on her balcony".  I respond by saying that I know what they are doing as I observed them last week and rest assured, they were not bothering me.   Well, as it turns out, I am bothering this woman.  She yells at me that they are filming a commercial and it is important and I shouldn't be out on my balcony drinking coffee when I probably should have better things to be doing.  

Now, my inner Shelley is yelling at this witch telling her that it is actually MY balcony and MY business what I do on it, and I'm pretty sure they are filming on the 6 foot green space that is technically MINE and some other words that I can't even type and if she can't even finish a 2 sentence commercial in under an hour, well, that obviously reflects what a lousy psychic reader she is, and I am actually going to blast music on my balcony and make noise because she doesn't even know what a disruption actually is, but I can demonstrate.......

But, my outer Shelley that is trying to practice loving kindness just shakes her head and goes inside and perhaps slams the door a little bit.  

That is the trouble with practicing loving kindness.  We are trying to be kind to human beings and all human beings are deeply flawed.  

Actually, human beings are a lot like porcupines.  We all have our prickles, but porcupines need each other to keep warm.  They have to huddle together and they do the best they can, but inevitably they do get pricked and poked.  Human beings need other human beings.  We have to huddle together, but inevitably, we will get pricked and poked.  When we get pricked and poked, we are tempted to think it is deliberate and poke and prick back.  But, when we do so, we have a danger of isolating ourselves and then we are really cold, literally and figuratively.  

That is the problem with loving kindness.  It is hard work because no matter what you do, you still will get pricked some of the time.  Usually, by some prick.  

But, it is still a better way to live than being angry all the time.  Trying the charm offensive is still our best chance at making the world a better place, one smile at a time.  Next time you come across a porcupine, feel sorry for them.  Feel happy that you are not the type of person that they would chose as a friend.  Feel compassionate for them that they don't have a nice place of zen.  

And while you are practicing loving kindness, don't forget yourself.  Likely you won't get a lot of it from others doing the day.  Be loving and kind to yourself for being loving and kind.  The world will be better for it.