Go Home and Stay at Home

We just got through another weekend in the new reality.  I never knew how exhausting it was to do nothing.  Years ago, we would plan self-isolating weekend without knowing we were doing it.  We were delighted to have a weekend with no commitments so we could have a scrabble marathon.  We would play scrabble continuously for 12-15 hours on Saturday and Sunday.  We kept track of how many games we won and our cumulative scores.  I used to be in a scrabble league so scrabble brings out the competitor in me.  But, we both just liked playing scrabble.  It is different now when we are looking for a way to pass time.  We play one game of scrabble and then we need a break for about 3 hours to recover.  We both are exhausted and it is not physical fatigue but emotional exhaustion.  We are worried about friends and loved ones.  We both want to take a break from worrying about everything yet we are glued to the news channels to know everything we can.  Despite being tired all the time, neither one of us are getting good restorative sleep which compounds are tiredness and the circle continues. 

In the evenings, we have settled in to a regular routine that consists of having the same conversation over and over.  We talk about how cute our grandson is and we share out favorite memories and plans for the future.  We tell each other how much we love him as if this is new information for either of us.  We alternate between laughing out loud and having tears in our eyes.  Then, the next evening, the same conversation. 

We are trying to connect (virtually) with atleast three people every day that we haven't heard from in a while or that we are concerned about.  What we have learned is that the people we thought would be in the best position to self-isolate are having the hardest times. 

Most people have realized that this is just something to have to do as our civic duty and are just accepting the new reality.  Most people who have been experiencing  employment disruption have been surprisingly calm.  They acknowledge that there will be millions applying for assistance and are just being patient and trusting that they will be able to keep food on the table.  They are figuring out what their priorities are and looking for the positive.  It has brought more than smiles to my face as I see people posting how they are doing.  For the first time in my life, I am enjoying pictures of people's cats.

We have a friend with a luxury home and the best of everything.  One would think that he and his wife would be having the time of their life.  A kitchen that a professional chef would envy ideally situated to bake and cook.  A home theater system.  A beautiful games room with wet bar and pool table to lose track of time.  A sauna and hot tub perfect for relaxing.  A home office with enhanced screens enabling life sized face-time and video-conferencing.  A fenced in yard featuring a professionally landscaped gardens and fire pit and the best bbq on the market and two luxury cars to go for drives in the country.  Did I mention the craft room?  Yes, literally a room devoted to DIY with supplies to make retailers envious.  You actually could duplicate pinterest.  But, they seem to be the ones struggling the most. 

It turns out that they weren't accumulating all of these things for their own purpose.  It seems they were accumulating all of these things so that people could see them use these things.  Now that everyone is going home and staying home, they don't have an audience. 

The reality is that they are finding out they aren't special and it is a bitter pill to swallow.  They have felt that since they are "rich" that social norms don't apply to them.  They have thought that money is the answer to everything.  Now, they are finding that the same restrictions that are usually reserved for us plebes apply to them as well. 

Also, they don't have any point of reference for being frugal.  They never had to calculate mentally how much your groceries are going to cost because you only have so much.  They never have had to negotiate a price for a piece of furniture bought on kijiji.  They have never had to do a spread sheet trying to figure out how to pay down debt and the sacrifices that will mean. 

There business is closed because it is not essential.  They are in no position to cope.  They have to face the fact that they are not independently wealthy.  It turns out, their lavish lifestyle didn't make them different; it just meant that they had more debt.  My friend was inconsolable because she could not get through to her personal banker to arrange deferral of the mortgage payment.  She is experiencing the same message that everyone else is getting, "our lines are experiencing overwhelming volume, please hang up and send an email."  This was like the worst thing that had ever happened to her. 

While other businesses are finding innovative and creative ideas to try and generate some cash flow, they don't have any idea that this is even a possibility. 

One thing about this pandemic, it doesn't discriminate.  We are all affected and this is often the first time those with white privilege have faced a level playing field.  It is hard on them.  They are learning that money is not the only currency by which we can identify success in life.  Most of us are learning to make the most of this because we have no choice.

This social distancing and state of emergency aren't likely to end soon.  I am glad I am doing it with a man whom I am delighted to talk about our amazing grandson every single night. 

We are all in this together, but apart.