What I learned from my first Wedding

I am so excited to be planning my second and last wedding.  I never thought that I would get married again, but I couldn't be more happy or more excited.

When you are planning the second time around, it is impossible not to reflect on what you learned the first time around.   I learned an incredible amount during my first marriage, but, where I really a lot was during my first wedding.

Here are the important things I learned from my first wedding.

#1.  Try on more than one dress.

I bought the first dress I tried on.  I liked it but I didn't love it, and I had nothing to compare it with.  It was symbolic, I just wanted to get it over with.  You have one day to be Princess, if you can't take time to try on atleast two dresses, then this won't be your day.

#2.  Wedding planners don't actually plan weddings.

One of the major reasons that I booked my venue where I did was because their fee included the services of a wedding planner.  My wedding planner was "Betsy Sue" and she should not lived up to her name more.  I am sure that she listed "wedding planner" as one of her career paths when she was running for Miss Arkansas.  Betsy Sue loved weddings !!!  But, it turned we had different expectations.  Betsy Sue wanted to be part of every decision but I was responsible for making, and I just wanted to show up on the day.  Atleast twice a week, Betsy Sue would call me and tell what I needed to do that week.  She would set me up with appointments.  I actually had an appointment to chose a cake topper.  That was only one is a series of endless appointments.  Every appointment would go the exact same way.   I would look at 15 different center pieces, for example, and have to pick one.  They all looked the same to me.  I would ask Betsy Sue what she thought and she would reply that she couldn't possibly make a decision on something that important.  So, I would pick one and that Betsy Sue would tell me why that was the wrong decision and she would tell me what the right decision was.  And so it went.

#3.  The law of unexpected consequences.

The day before my wedding, I got a call from Betsy Sue giving me my last minute instructions.   Then she said, "and, of course, you have flowers for your cake?"  I didn't know what she was talking about but I was getting tired of her tone.  "Of course, I have flowers for the cake."  I ended the conversation with Betsy Sue and called my florist and I told her I needed flowers for the cake.  She didn't know what I was talking about and offered to call Betsy Sue for clarification.  No, I couldn't have her calling Betsy Sue on me.  My colours were red and black, so I suggested adding 18 long stemmed roses to the order and deliver to the venue for the cake.  Someone would know what to do with them.  I couldn't wait to get to the reception.  Everything was beautiful.  Betsy Sue had outdone herself and made all the right decisions.  I was curious to see the cake.  It was amazing, but didn't have any flowers.  Oh well.  I thought the cake was beautiful and didn't need any flowers anyway !!

Later on in the evening, just before the first dance, Betsy Sue came to me and told me that the florist had delivered a box of roses and dropped them off by the cake but no one knew what to do with them. Betsy Sue wondered if she should send the roses to our honey room suite.  I looked at Betsy Sue and was completely satisfied that I had caught her in a mistake that I had no interest in pointing this out to her.  Nor, did I had any interest in wasting the roses.   I looked around and saw that there were about 12 waitresses and I assumed probably another 6 kitchen staff.

So, I walked into the kitchen with my box of roses.   I thanked everyone for making my special day so special and I was so grateful for their hard work and I wanted to thank them all by giving them a rose.  What happened next was unintended.  Some of the waitresses started to cry.   They all were really touched.  They couldn't believe that any bride would take the time to thank the culinary staff on her special day.  They were really moved and grateful.  I became emotional and felt bad that all I gave them was a rose.  They deserved more and I was very grateful.

The law of unexpected consequences usually applies to economics.  In this case, it really did change my life.   First of all, I became this particular Holiday Inn's favorite bride.  They had said that no one had done this before.  They put me in their brochure and Betsy Sue put up a picture of me in her office labeling it as "Her Favorite Bride".  (I think she took it down once we got divorced).  I never paid for a meal in their restaurant for years and every anniversary, they gave us a complimentary weekend stay.

But, that wasn't the real change in my life.  In reality, I did become a more grateful person and I have paid more attention to everyone around me.  I appreciate people when they do things for me.  I say thank you as often as I can and I do mean it.   I'm not doing it because I think I should, it is because I am truly thankful.

And there is always an unintended consequence.  Sure, sometimes, I get something of monetary value in return, but that is rare.  The unintended consequence that I get back is a smile.  A smile.  A universal symbol that I have brightened someone's day, if even for a second.   And that makes me feel awesome.

It goes back to the common sense that my mom used to tell me as a child.  It doesn't cost anything to give someone a compliment, so why not do it?   Making someone feel good is so easy and simple to do, why don't we always do it?  You will find that it comes back to you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  It has made my day.