I Get Mad Too
Not so much, three months earlier. I went to attempt to donate and was deferred because of low hemoglobin. Every time that happens, I feel shame, guilt, devalued, and a whole lot of other things. And, I also get mad. I was mad and I was looking for someone to blame. I was mad at the lady who took my hemoglobin because she didn't have the best costumer service skills. I was mad at Blood Services for having too high of a threshold. I was mad at my husband because I wasn't feeling it that day and he made me go anyway.
In reality, I wasn't really mad at any of that but I just needed someone/something to let loose some of my anger because it was festering. What was I angry at? I was angry at the stay-at-home order. I was angry non-essential businesses were closed. I was angry because toilet paper was hard to find. I was angry that my husband may or may not have received a tremendous honour and I was unable to talk about the news when I wanted to shout from the rafters how proud I was of him. I was mad about the uncertainty about the future. I was mad for examples I had seen of people not following public health guidelines. I was mad that my anxiety and depression was decreasing and I couldn't get hugs from my friends. I was just mad.
So, I get it. I get mad, too. For the most part, my blog is my therapeutic tool to get rid of emotions that I don't like, and it also increases my moments of enjoyment. When I am feeling good, I can extend that feeling by putting it in print and reading it later.
What I have noticed in the last few months is that there is a lot of anger on social media. About three years ago, I wrote a blog entry titled "My saddest day in Winnipeg." It was one of my best and one of my worst received entries. I think overall it was 90% positive and 10% negative, but at the time, it felt reversed. It was pretty awful for a while. Somehow a few people got my phone number and address and made things sadder for me for a while. Even in early 2020, I got yelled at in public by a stranger. I don't think any of the people who were making me sad realized that they were reinforcing my original message. Anyway, the point is, I am still blogging. They didn't deter me because my blog is really one of my therapeutic tools and it is my opinion and it is supposed to be a conversation-starter.
So, when people express anger at my blog or my tweets, I am not deterred. I get it. There is more than enough anger out there, you got to express it somewhere. If expressing anger towards me is helpful to you, by all means, continue to do so. I honestly don't take it personally. Again, I get it. I get mad, too.
But, I also don't really care if you read my blog or not. My husband cares for some reason. He keeps encouraging people to read my blog but he can't force anyone to read it. If you don't like my blog, don't read it. I'm ok with that. As I have said more than ten times, my blog is primarily for me. Also, I take poetic licence in many of my entries. I am just trying to make a broader point in society. If you think an entry is directed at you, I can assure you it is not. If I am experiencing big feelings toward someone I express it directly.
On a totally unrelated note, did you hear Trump's speech last night? Do you really think he is angry at Joe Biden? Or, is he likely mad because he can't get COVID19 under control, his popularily is plunging, people don't have the gratitude towards him that he thinks he has earned. Or is he mad because he can't control people, including the media. But, that's ok. Joe understands this and he understands that "the people" will have a way to express their feelings on November 3.
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