Unconscious Bias

If you ask me if I have benefited from white privilege, I will admit that I have.  If you ask me if I am racist, of course, I will deny it.  No one admits to being a racist.  Tucker Carlson claimed that he had never met a white supremacist.  That was approximately 6 hours before he fired his chief writer for being a white supremacist.  In order for us to move forward as a society, we have to come to terms with our unconscious bias.  I remember the first time that I was confronted with my own unconscious bias.

I was 18 and I met an amazing man.  He was smart, intelligent, and worldly.  As a small town girl now in a big city, he opened my eyes to many things.  He took me to museums and obscure art films. Also, he was an amazing dancer.  I was used to guys lined up on one side and girls lined up on the other and we would move our feet side to side.  This guy could move.  I started thinking ahead that he would be part of my future, and yeah, he was Asian. 

As we were becoming closer, I started talking to him about telling my parents about him and I didn't know how they would react.  I didn't think it would be an issue for my parents but I didn't really know.  I went on and on and assured him I wasn't trying to make him a secret and I was proud to be with him, but I just didn't know if my parents would be ready.  As it turned out, all that mattered to my parents was that I liked him.  Whew. 

After we had been together for almost a year, he mentioned his parents were in town and he was meeting them for dim sum the next day.  I started thinking about what outfit I would wear when he said that he was going alone.  When I asked why, he said that he hadn't told them about me because they were very traditional and they wouldn't approve of me.  I felt myself thinking, "but, I'm white". 

I realized how apparently arrogant I was thinking I was the one who would have judgmental parents and thinking that I was prized just because I was white. 

That was a long time ago.  We didn't end up having a future.  Turns out, he was using me but not for my race, for my gender.  He needed a girlfriend as a prop while he was in the process of accepting his homosexuality.  That probably didn't go over well with his traditional parents, either, but I was out of the picture by then.

Regardless, I like to think that I don't have unconscious bias, but, it has shown up a few more times in my life.  And, those are the ones I can identify.  I don't know how many times I haven't realized it. 

But, I sincerely do want to contribute to a society where there is no unconscious bias. I don't think it will happen unless we all admit that it does exist and that we try to do better. 

It is an old saying, but it is true.  When you know better, you do better.  Common sense but you don't do better until you know better.  Continue to grow and educate yourself.  Be the person you want the world to be. 

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