What Do You Have Time For?

Life in 2020 is certainly different than we thought it would.  I never realized how social I was until I couldn't socialize in the same way.  It is weird staying home much much more and not doing much.  But, at the same time that we are not doing as much, we seem to be more tired.  Instead of tracking our volunteer hours and activities on the family calendar, I am tracking our toilet paper usage and percentages of increasing cases and deaths.

Before the pandemic, my partner and I had our Saturday morning routine.  We would be out the door at 6 am and go for a walk to be at our grocery store when it opened at 7 am. We would buy our groceries, walk home, get the car and pick up our groceries and drive them home.  Then, we would take on our day!  Now, the grocery store doesn't open that early and we don't quite qualify to shop when it does open.  One Saturday, I slept in till 8 am.  Like, seriously, what can I possibly accomplish when I sleep through 1/3 of the day?

I am just doing less and being tired more.  Part is the fatigue of doing nothing and part is the emotional toll that this pandemic has on us all.  And, quite frankly, Covid19 fatigue is a real thing.  I couldn't wait for our restrictions to be relaxed and now that they have, I think we need to go back.  I asked a friend what she thinks about sending her kids back to school and she send she didn't want to think about it just in case things change. It is exhausting living in our heads.  And, then, when we go to sleep, covid dreams are so intense, we wake up more exhausted.

Through all of this, I have missed just hanging out with my friends.  I was so excited when a former colleague asked me over to hang out.  He said he was planning on inviting about 8 people thinking only 5 or so would show up and thought we could order pizza and just hang out on his deck.  It sounded wonderful.

It got more wonderful.  When I arrived, he told me that when he invited one lady, she said that she would make food from her culture for all of us.  She was even going to the trouble of making us each our own plate and making extra plates for eating there or taking home.  I couldn't believe how wonderful this gathering was turning into.  I have been craving Indian food, or, as I know now, South Asian food.  This woman was not just making us food, she was sharing a piece of herself with us. Food is one of the ways that we share love.

So, there we were eating and laughing.  I was enjoying myself so much that it was a while before I noticed the one grumpy one not eating and playing on his phone.  So, not only was he not eating, he was not even interacting.  Someone asked him why he wasn't eating and he said, "he didn't like Indian food."  How can you not like Indian food?  Obviously, he hadn't had it before.  Do you like rice?  Do you like chicken?  Do you like sauce made with butter?  Do you like bread?  Then, you will like Indian food.  (I could tell it was useless to ask him if he liked chick peas because he didn't seem like a chick peas guy.)  Plus, this was more than food.  This was one of his friends sharing a part of herself with us.  She was making herself vulnerable.  This guy was just being a jerk to not try it. 

Then, he says to the host, "I thought you were going to order pizza?" 

Deep sigh.  This guy probably has had the same amount of social invitations as I had which is not many.  And, he was willing to not only ruin the experience for himself but to risk ruining our good time.  A negative mind will never lead to a positive heart. 

It became clear to me as I watched him sulk.  My social time is much more valuable now in 2020 simply because there is less of it.  I no longer have time for people who don't want to enhance their lives or those around them.  I want my bubble to be positive. 

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