Obtaining vs Scattering

What is the difference between one who obtains and one who scatters?  It is a way of living and managing oneself.  It also is a way of managing those around you.  Think of parenting styles.  Those who can't let go of controlling their children, even when they are adults, have little to show.  Then, things of those who allow their children to be flown, grown, and on their own have much.  George H. Bush said that one of the biggest accomplishments of his life was that his children chose to come back and visit often.  Obviously, he encouraged his children to scatter their seeds far and wide.  The seeds grew.  On the opposite side of the spectrum, look at Trump.  Focus on obtaining. He has made his children think they are nothing but his children.  He doesn't have much. 

I was thinking of this quote on the weekend.  A friend of mine lost her mother on Friday.  From what I understand, her mother has been ill for a while and the death wasn't unexpected.  Of course, you are never prepared to lose your mom.  But, in this case, my friend has been dealing with anticipatory grief for a while.  I know something about that.  It is exhausting, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  When it finally happens, you are numb, yet you have to make a whole bunch of decisions.  I know that I made a horrible decision in the days after my mom died. 

But, I was thinking of this quote and my friend for a different reason.  She is worried about her bereavement leave.  She gets three days.  She is worried that Saturday and Sunday will count as two days so that she will have to make a bunch of decisions today and go back to work tomorrow.  If that is the case, her employer is an obtainer. 

When my mother passed, I was fortunate to work for a scatterer.  I had an amazing boss that wanted her light to shine through her employees.  When my mother passed, she told me to take the time I needed.  I took a week.  When I came back, she asked if I had taken enough time.  She knew about grief and she said it likely would hit at times when I couldn't predict.  If I needed to take a day here or there to let her know and she would figure out how to give me those days.  I was so loyal to this boss and the company that I more than worked that time in unclaimed overtime.  The organization was kind to me, so I kept scattering for them.  I have had many bosses who have been scatterers.  I didn't realize how fortunate I was until I had an obtainer. 

It was about bereavement leave.  She was teaching us how to effectively manage our employees and she used the exact same situation that my friend was in.  She definitely felt that if a death occurred on Friday that Saturday and Sunday should count as bereavement leave.  She went even further.  She expected us to find out the time of death.  If it occured before 4:30 pm, then Friday should also be counted.  I sat at a table where people were nodding their heads and taking notes.  This made perfect sense.  I asked these people, "so, if the unthinkable happened and your spouse was killed in a motor vehicle accident on Friday night, you would be prepared to go into work on the Tuesday?"  Of course, they chimed.  I shook my head then and I shake my head now as I type.  Guess how loyal I was to this boss and employer?  You may have obtained something in getting people back to work quickly, but you have lots so much.  I doubt an employee put in those circumstances will stay long.  Recruiting and training new employees are huge costs.  It would have been so much cheaper to use common sense and empathy when applying rules to bereavement leave. 

Eight years ago, my sister passed.  She was the most beautiful woman I had ever met.  She was a scatterer and shared her beauty selflessly.  She is remembered by so many. 

The more you give, the more you get.  At every opportunity you have, chose to be a scatterer.