What Stigma?
My partner lives with depression. He is open about this and tries to contribute to the end of the stigma. This is somewhat ironic because he has some stigma himself. But, likely less now than ever.
My partner has always taken the path that he will get better by helping others get better. He has a blog chronicling his journey with depression. After every entry, someone reaches out to him and tells him how meaningful that entry was to them. Each time that happens, it keeps him positive for about a week. He has also speaks about his depression to high school and middle school students. He bares his soul to these kids. Talk about being vulnerable. But, he comes out high on life. He is humbled when they share their issues with him. He feels like these experiences are some of the most profound blessings. He never would have this unless he had embraced his depression. He is making his depression working for him.
When he was initially diagnosed, his physician recommended a combination of therapy and medication. He was ready for therapy and has been using this off and on for a long time. Sometimes therapy is much needed treatment and sometimes it is just a check-up. He declined medication because of the stigma associated with it.
After a year, he realized that he needed something more to help him in his journey. He ended his own stigma and went on medication. It wasn't easy for him, but he actually wanted to be well. While being on mediation, he made a shocking discovery. It turned out that taking medication for depression did not mean that your head would glow neon green and that everyone would know. No one knew he was on medication unless he told them.
He also had the stigma that no one would understand. He started talking to his support group about it. He found out that the vast majority understood and the people who didn't were essentially telling him that they were on different paths in life. He also found out that mental illness was a gateway to positively paving some difficult relationships. He found that he was bullied for significant periods in his life. The universe is mysterious but knows what it is doing. People that he had complicated relationships with somehow connecting with him about mental illness. He never thought those people had compassion about mental illness. Another stigma. It turns out they did, or that had family members. Being open led him to a number of conversations to put in his gratitude journal.
For whatever reason, his depression started kicking his ass last month. I believe it was because he wasn't doing his daily things to empower himself. He wasn't very proud of himself. I watched him struggle. It was difficult for both of us. The worst thing was he was using "sick Andrew" voice. There was nothing wrong with him physically, but he still had that whiny voice. It was hard for me to be supportive since talking to him was like talking to a cat being clawed over a chalkboard. It was a sign from the universe for both of us. He needed to crawl out of the depths of this depression without me.
He was walking around in a fog. I was worried. I told him he needed to take some time off to rest, recover, and recharge. He didn't want to do that because of the stigma. He had his illness under control and only "really" depressed people took that time. I bit my tongue and didn't tell him to look in the mirror because he was "really" depressed.
Then, he made a significant mistake. It wasn't a work mistake and it was actually a funny mistake. But, it was a mistake he never would have made if he was feeling well. He was devastated and felt all of his work over the last eight years was for naught. I told him it was just a lapse, which happens, but it was up to him to make sure it wasn't a relapse. I also told him that he needed to take some time off for rest, recovery, reflection, and recharging. I told him when it came to making mistakes, he was a slippery slope. Take time off now when it is on your terms, rather than when you are forced,
He saw his health provider and he still had some stigma. He was worried that she wouldn't give him time off because it would look like he was just taking a holiday without using vacation days. It turns out that people who know him best can read him like a book. Before he even asked, she started writing out an absence letter. She wanted to give him 4 weeks. He agreed to 2 weeks.
Even though he was "off", he went in on his first day and worked the whole day arranging for coverage of his duties. Again, he exposed his vulnerability by telling his colleagues his diagnosis for taking time off. They were all supportive and encouraged him to take more time off if needed. Again, what stigma?
The first few days were very difficult for him. He was sleeping in to 9;00 am. He was horrified as he felt this meant he was lazy. No, it meant that his body needing physical rest. He reached out to his supports. He starting finding joy in things that gave him joy. He nourished his body with things to make him happy. He started moving more. This morning, no more sick Andrew voice.
There has only been one disappointment for him this week. He was really hoping that one particular person would reach out to him and offer support. Of course, there were so many others who did so he has been focusing on that. It has made him question what path forward there is for him and this other person. I have encouraged him to be kind to himself and this other person. Life always go better when people practice compassionate kindness.
The great thing about him taking this time to just be still in his recovery is that he knows this is an option in the future. He hopes he will never need it, but it another thing to put in his wellness toolbox.
#endingstigma
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