You Can Reform From Prejudice - Part 2
I want to be the best grandma that I can be. In order to do that, I had to be honest and confront my own history of prejudice. I definitely am not proud of this, but, I had a lot of prejudice against a specific group of people.
Let me explain. I grew up in the thriving metropolis of Dauphin. I enjoyed all the perks of living in a big city without any awareness that some weren't so lucky. We had a choice of grocery stores. While I was in elementary school, we were so close to downtown that we could walk there on impulse. We didn't have to plan. Also, I lived on Main Street. I literally had a front row seat to both parades that happened in the summer. I lived the good life and all I had to do was walk to school and I was able to pick up friends along the way.
All of this led me to be prejudice to a group that I had no exposure to and that I didn't understand. Yes, I developed a prejudice against farmers. More specifically, country kids. I was a city kid. I didn't know any country kids. They rode the bus to school. They stuck together. I just didn't understand them. I made assumptions about their character that had no basis.
My dad unwittingly contributed to my prejudice while I was in elementary school. The policy was that country kids brought their lunch to school and stayed at school for lunch. City kids were not allowed to stay at school for lunch. I didn't go home for lunch because I was part of a group whose parents paid to have their lunch at Nana Grey's. There was like 10 of us who would take the 10-15 minute walk to Nana Grey's, have lunch, and walk back to school.
Somewhere along this journey, my dad came to my defense where no defense was needed. He felt badly that his little girl was walking at lunch time in the cold and the snow. He was very disturbed because he felt the snow was as high as my chubby little legs and it was too difficult for me, while these country kids got to sit inside and eat their lunch in comfort without regard to the weather. I hadn't given it much thought before but once this was brought to my attention, I started to resent these country kids with their unfair advantage. Also, they got to go to the gym and lunch and play games and practice on the equipment. Another unfair advantage. When I made inquiries, I found other disturbing things. One teacher would supervise these kids during lunch and sometimes the teacher would take to the gym and watch short films. Again, they got privileges that I didn't have access to. My prejudice deepened. Prior to this, I had been quite happy going to Nana Grey's for lunch. Now, I was outraged.
My dad thought that this advantage afforded to country kids was a slippery slope. I'm not sure what he thought this would lead to, but he had to make a change. He got on the school board by being a single issue candidate. He thought he was doing something good but it actually led to more resentment. He kept referencing his daughter with the short chubby legs. I got tired of him telling this "short chubby legs" story to everyone he met. But, inside of being mad at my dad, I became more resentful of the country kids. After all, if they didn't get preferential treatment, this would never have happened. I blamed them for my dad telling the world that I had short chubby legs. It wasn't their fault. It made no sense, but, that is the truth with most prejudice.
So, my dad attended many meetings fighting the good fight. He tried to negotiate circumstances where city kids could stay for lunch. If the temperature was below a certain level or there was an active blizzard, etc, then city kids could stay for lunch. Again, there is another thing that happens that contributes to prejudice. It is the law of unintended consequences.
First of all, my mom wasn't thrilled that my dad was spending evenings away at meetings. We didn't do as many fun things as we used to as a family. Again, if it wasn't for those damn country kids, none of this would have happened.
Finally, the girl with the short chubby legs was allowed to stay for lunch in certain conditions. This did not thrill my mother because she had to pack a lunch for me. She was not happy. Another reason to resent the country kids. Now, since all the city kids could stay for lunch, the teacher could no longer rotate giving up their lunch break to supervise a small group of kids. Now, there were too many of us so all teachers had to supervise. They weren't happy. They blamed my dad. Well, my dad was perfect and I couldn't handle anyone being angry at my dad. I made sure everyone knew who was really to blame and it was the country kids.
Most people look for evidence to support their thesis and not to refute it. It was possible the country kids had a different perspective. Perhaps they didn't like that they had to stay inside for the whole lunch break where the city kids got fresh air and were allowed to play on the playground equipment if they quickly ate their lunch and came back early. Perhaps they didn't like getting up an hour earlier than city kids just to catch the bus. Perhaps they didn't like the extra commuting time. If they did have a perspective, I didn't bother to ask. I didn't want my prejudice to be challenged. I was happy in my ignorance.
Then, I started getting invitations to some of the country kids' birthday parties. I started making friends with some country kids. It turns out they weren't that different from me. Some of them were quite nice. I didn't meet a single one who was plotting to expose my short chubby legs to the world. They weren't the monsters that I had let myself believe. Once we started talking, I realized we had more in common than I thought. My prejudice was challenged. It turned out some of my closest friends were country kids. I had allowed myself to evolve.
It turns out prejudice is based on ignorance. Ignorance leads to intolerance. Intolerance leads to injustice.
It is simple common sense. We have two ears and one mouth by design. Listen more. Judge less. For me, my recovery didn't start until I acknowledged my prejudice and the myths I let myself believe. I don't think I could have changed if I just angrily dismissed the notice that I was prejudice. But, I think I have recovered. When I meet a new person, I really can't tell whether they grew up in the city or in country, and it doesn't really matter to me. Geographic origin is not a factor in my assessment of character.
I think it is worth repeating. Prejudice is rooted in ignorance. Ignorance leads to intolerance. Intolerance leads to injustice. Let's start by listening to each other looking for what binds us rather than what divides us.
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