Enhancing Lives in a PCH: Story #1

 

He told me this story more than once but I loved hearing it every time he told it.  His family immigrated to Canada from China when he was in Grade 5.  No one in his family knew a word of English.  But, the first day he arrived in school, his teacher took him under her wing.  She ate her lunch with him every day and kept him after school every day for an hour teaching him English.  It only took a couple of weeks before she took the whole family under her wing.  Not only would she see him every school day, she started visiting the family every Saturday and Sunday.  Helping them with English, filling out government forms, job applications, and just generally navigating them through life in a new country with a new language.  It didn't stop when the school year ended.  She continued to visit the family daily in the summer and when he was in a new class the following year, she still ate her lunch with him every day and kept him after school for an hour teaching him English.  Gradually, she wasn't needed every day but they kept in close contact.  She continued to support the family and they continued to be eternally grateful.  

What he never told me, perhaps because he wasn't aware, was that his family was helping her just as much as she was helping them.  It is just the law of human nature.  You get what you give.  Helping him and his family probably recharged her spirit.  Making a difference in someone's life is pretty powerful and it is something you keep on doing as much as you can.  

He grew up and she remained a part of his life.  He credited her for him getting him into University as she helped him with the application.  He credited her with him achieving his MBA as she proofread his thesis.  He became very successful and achieved great status and gave her all the credit because she always believed in him and encouraged him.  He didn't take into account his tremendous work ethic, his intelligence, or his ability to connect with people.  It was all because of her.  He never stopped being grateful.  

Life often goes full circle.  As she aged, roles got reversed.  He started to help her with daily tasks and home maintenance.  He became her Power of Attorney and provided supports to let her live in her own home as long as she was able.  When her dementia progressed so that she could not be managed safely in her home, he made sure that the personal care home where she would live would be the closest and most convenient for him.  He travelled extensively for work so he made sure his wife, or one of his children was always available to visit and to advocate.  After all, he would be nothing without her and it was the least he could do.  

She had some lucid moments and when she did she told me how she didn't deserve his kindness.  She explained that her husband had been a wehrmacht, a German soldier in WW2 and she felt she owed a debt for his actions so helping this little boy had been a way to wipe her slate clean.  Whatever the reason, her help made a significant difference.  

They all were just a lovely family and it was always joyous to watch them interact.  So often in personal care homes, you see family members visit out of duty and obligation, so it is always wonderful when you can watch people visit because they truly want to be there.  

Somewhere along her residence in the personal care home, he had a notion that I had done something nice for them.  To this day, I don't know what he thought I did.  I just did my job, but, for whatever reason, he thought I had done something extra.  

He got me a bottle of wine to thank me.  I told him that he knew I couldn't accept a gift but I could put it together with other gifts others had received and raffle it off to a staff member.  He didn't know what to do.  He had got a particularly nice bottle of wine specifically for me and he didn't think a random staff member would appreciate it as much, so he decided to keep the bottle.  

He left my office.  He came back a minute later with the bottle with instructions to raffle it off.  He said he wanted to express gratitude and he had done that.  

For whatever I did, I was rewarded by much more than a bottle of wine.  I became part of their circle and I was invited in for all of their happy moments experienced in the personal care home.  More than that, I was honoured to be invited in to share all of their painful moments including the moment when she passed.  

Today, I know what I did.  I was present with them when it was needed.  I had the time to listen.  I had the opportunity to enhance lives every day and I tried to seize those opportunities.  That was a few years ago.  I think the staff are so busy in personal care homes today that they just don't have the time or the energy to be present as they would like.  I can not imagine the compassion fatigue that our health care heroes are facing.  I know they are doing their best but everyone has their limits.  

We can't give them bottles of wine but we can give them our support by following public health guidelines and recommendations so that they can have the time to be present as they would like.  

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