Trying to Get Extra Credit

 

At one time in my professional career, I was a professor at a community college.  I don't really know if I was actually a professor or an instructor or a lecturer, but, regardless, I taught at the college level.  And, regardless, I still like to refer to myself as a former Professor. 

I learned so much from my students and from my colleagues.  It was a wonderful experience and afforded me so many life learning opportunities.  

I remember having a dilemma grading papers.  I had a stellar student that was clearly brilliant and everything seemed to come easy to her.  I remember reading one of her papers, and on the surface, it was an A paper.  But, I felt that she did it quickly and at the last minute, and I knew that she was capable of doing even more.  I didn't really feel that was her best work or her best effort.  

Then, I read a paper that was a solid C.  But, it was written by a student that struggled with everything.  He struggled with every assignment and he struggled grasping the course material.  He also struggled with the English language.  As I read his paper, I could see how much effort he put into the paper and how he really tried.  I felt it truly reflected his best.  

So, I wanted to give the "A" paper a B- because I thought the effort didn't warrant an A.  I also wanted to give the "C" paper an A.  I wanted him to know how much I could see his effort and how much he tried and I wanted to reward him for his truly hard work.  I just wanted to reward him.  

I shared my thoughts in the Professors Lounge.  (It really was more of a locker room where we hung our coats.)  One of my colleagues gave me this valuable advice which I think applies a lot to life in general.  

Focus on the assignment.  As an example, if the assignment is to travel from Winnipeg to Vancounver, a person who takes a plane has completed the assignment as assigned.  A person who goes on a road trip throughout North America and stops at all historic sites and makes a scrapbook based on the journey and keeps detailed journals and expense reports and writes Trip Adviser reviews after every stop does not get any extra credit for doing so.  The assignment was to travel from Winnipeg to Vancouver.  If you get to Vancouver, you complete the assignment and get full marks.  There is no bonus credit.  

Why is this on my mind today?  Well, if you look up, you will see a picture of me and Santa Claus.  Except, it is actually a picture of me and my husband.  I have to tell you that I love my husband more than anything and nothing will ever change that.  I tell him this often.  

But, for some reason, he does not trust me with this.  He thinks that I am going to follow out of love with him.  He brings me treats all the time that I do not want.  He usually brings me what he would like rather than what I would like.  If he brings me food treats, it is something that is not healthy for me and it accomplishes the opposite of his intention.  He is trying to show he loves me but it makes me think he doesn't care.  I should not be consuming a triple decker extra everything parfait under any circumstance and I have asked him not to bring me food treats.  I would feel more respected if he listened to me.  

My love is not conditional.  

Last evening was a perfect example.  I asked him to pick up one thing from the store.  That was the assignment.  Pick up one item.  Of course, he comes home with a whole bunch of random things.  I think he thinks he will get extra credit by doing more than what I ask.  He doesn't.  I couldn't love him any more than I do.  

For some reason, he never learned basic home-making skills.  It took me a while to understand this.  So, when he would put a dry-clean only 100% angora sweater in both the washing machine and dryer ruining it forever, I would be ticked off.  When he was about to do laundry and I advised him to put some bleach in with the whites and he did except he didn't separate whites and colours and ruined loads of laundry, it took me a while to realize he really didn't know.  He has done many things when I have been out to surprise and impress me.  He has cleaned the mirrors with furniture polish.  He will bring me a book from the library that he thinks I should like but I have no interest in.  We buy each other journals for Christmas.  I have asked him for a different one than I already have, but, he likes the one he bought me five years ago.  So, I have 5 identical journals.  When I was in the hospital unexpectedly, I asked him to bring me a nightgown and some lotion.  He brought me enough clothes to go on a 14 day cruise, but no nightgown.  He also packed every item resembling a toiletry or make-up but somehow managed to come with no lotion.  I know he tries too hard.  I know he is just trying to get extra credit.  But, the assignment was.....

I know what you are thinking.  Some people have real problems.  Most women would give anything to have a wonderful husband that is trying to spoil me and that tries to go above and beyond.  I know I should just appreciate what I have.  

But, that is the point.  I do appreciate him.  He does not to prove to me that he loves me.  I know he does.  But, part of loving someone is listening to what they want or need and not what you think they want or need.  

So, whether you are in a college class or a relationship or part of a team or doing a work project, remember to do the assignment as assigned.  Just remember that if the assignment is going to Vancouver, just go to Vancouver.  A road trip throughout North America will not get you extra credit.