Hedonism

At various points in my professional life, I have dabbled in public speaking.  I like to talk and I like money so getting paid for my message is very appealing.  At one of my first paid gigs, I was talking about stress management.  This was (cough) decades ago and in a small community.  At one point, I talked about the need to take care of yourself in order to have energy to take care of others.  I saw a woman take a pen out of her purse and start scribbling.  I knew what she was scribbling as she was a columnist in the local newspaper.  Her column was supposed to be about agriculture news but she had a broad scope and commented on whatever she felt like.  Her mighty pen took aim at me in her next column.  Taking care of oneself in order to take care of others was just another justification for self-indulgence, according to the column.  Taking care of oneself was selfish.  She was tired of the message and felt in promoted laziness and lack of empathy.  It gave people as excuse not to help others.  So, this negative press took me out of the speaking game for a while.  It also made for some silent dinners as the columnist was the sister of my ex-husband.

I was prompted to think of this last night when I was watching a show on celebrity ups and downs.  They were talking about Rob Lowe and his youth and how he embarked on a hedonistic quest.  I thought I knew what hedonism was, but then I realized I wasn't sure so I decided to look it up.

Hedonism, according to a dictionary site that I found on the web, means:

living and behaving in way that mean you get as much pleasure out of life as possible, according to the belief that the most important thing in life is to enjoy yourself.

As far as a definition, that isn't that bad.  It sounds like making your life worth living.  It is not what I thought it meant.  I thought it meant living life to excess to the expense of others.  That isn't what it means, but that is the meaning we have given to this word.  I'm not alone is adding to this definition.  I then searched for references to the word:

"The great promised failed due to the unachievable aims of life (hedonism) and the egotism, selfishness and greed of people.

He claimed that the album was inspired by the perils of hedonism, when you go out indulge too much and regret it the next day.

Hedonism is a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good.

Hedonism is a synonym for greed."

How does a pursuit of pleasure connote greed and selfishness?

That certainly was not the message that I was trying to give (cough) decades ago.  All I was trying to suggest, and I think it is still relevant, is that when you are doing a lot for others your emotional and physical reserves get depleted.  In order to replete your personal resources, you must practice self-care or pay attention to your self.  It is not a message of selfishness, it is actually making sure that you are able to continue to help people.

Why do we think that taking care of ourselves is a bad thing?  Why do we think poorly of people who take a "me day"?  I don't think it is selfish, I think it is healthy.  I'm not talking about spending a full day at the spa or running up a credit card doing "retail therapy".  I'm talking about simple things.  I like to dance around my house when no one is home.  My favorite is having a coffee on my balcony at 5 am before the world is awake and listening to the birds.  My mom used to love to vacuum.  I'm sorry that particular self-indulgence has skipped a generation.  Sometimes when I feel like I really need some self-indulgence, I will warm up a towel in the dryer and then have a bath so I can wrap myself in the warmth? 

It is not a bad thing to recharge your batteries.   It is not selfish, it is helping you take care of the people who depend on you.  And, it is only human.  It is just common sense that if you can't take care of yourself you can not take care of anyone else.  Be healthy.