Mental Health Week - Day 5
It is also the last week day before Mother's Day. I am going to celebrate my mom who I wish was still with us because she was so wise and impacted so many lives in addition to mine. I love you forever, momma. I wrote this entry almost a year ago and still bears repeating.......
You can be anything !!
In this world today, we are encouraged that we can be anything we want. I always think of my mom when I hear this. My mom had one of those magnetic personalities that everyone wanted to be around. My mom always had lots of friends and she had the "soft skills" that are so highly in demand right now.
To best understand my mom, you can look at the three month period when she was at Rehab Hospital following an above knee amputation of her right leg. That three months in Rehab were indicative of the way my mom lived her life. She was a 77 year old babba at that point.
My mom was very popular in the hospital. At first I thought it was because she smoked. There was three young guys in rehab who smoked. I don't know what their story was but they were in their early twenties and always short on smokes. My mother always had cigarettes so they would take her out to the area that smoking was permitted for patients and stay with her in exchange for a cigarette. I was fine with that and would provide her all the cigarettes she needed. My mom started smoking when she was ten years old, there was nothing I could do to get her stop. Her hospital was in kind of a rough area. It was January and my mom was getting used to only having one leg and struggling to maneuver her wheelchair. Handing out a few cigarettes seemed a small price to ensure her safety.
And it was pretty cool for me, too, to be part of this. My mom was always the "cool mom" who everybody wanted to be their mom. My friends went to her to advice. Our relationship wasn't always the best. She was the person with the over the top personality that everyone wanted to be near. I was her geeky daughter who was shy and introverted. Now, I had a whole group of people waited for my visit after work to bring the cigarettes !! I was part of my mom's popularity.
At first it was the Rehab patients, then it was patients in all departments of the hospital. I don't know but my mom somehow met everybody. She listened to their problems and this made her feel better about her life and she felt so gratitude. And, she helped them in any way that she could.
So, my daily shopping list expanded. There was a whole bunch of patients who had no one to get them extra things that they needed. So, I was buying chocolate bars, kleenex, pre-paid phone cards, toiletries, you name it. And, she wasn't just holding court in the smoking area any more. She would be in the cafeteria providing advice to people who sought it. And, I was part of this, too. She told her friends that I had a knack for writing, so I was writing apology letters to people for wrongs committed decades ago. Helping people make peace with their loved ones at their final hours. I felt my mom should be hired on as Spiritual Care. She got me writing advocacy letters for people for a variety of reasons. I wasn't at all surprised that she was meeting all these people with all these different issues. This is what she had done her entire life.
One morning, she phoned me at work in a panic. One of her "patients" had to attend a meeting with her care team and was fearing the worst. She was allowed to bring a family member, but she didn't have a family member so my mom wanted me to attend this meeting in two hours advocating for a woman who I had not yet met. I told my mom it would be extremely difficult for me to get time off work on such short notice. My mom told me that this was "important" and this woman had a very difficult life and she just needed someone to stand up for her just this once. My mom was right. It was important.
My mom had potential to be anything in life. She did have a cool career and that was very important to her. However, in a world where she could be anything, my mom always made the choice of what she wanted to do. My mom always chose to be KIND.
I didn't like her smoking. I didn't always like her partying. But, I always loved that she chose to be kind.
To best understand my mom, you can look at the three month period when she was at Rehab Hospital following an above knee amputation of her right leg. That three months in Rehab were indicative of the way my mom lived her life. She was a 77 year old babba at that point.
My mom was very popular in the hospital. At first I thought it was because she smoked. There was three young guys in rehab who smoked. I don't know what their story was but they were in their early twenties and always short on smokes. My mother always had cigarettes so they would take her out to the area that smoking was permitted for patients and stay with her in exchange for a cigarette. I was fine with that and would provide her all the cigarettes she needed. My mom started smoking when she was ten years old, there was nothing I could do to get her stop. Her hospital was in kind of a rough area. It was January and my mom was getting used to only having one leg and struggling to maneuver her wheelchair. Handing out a few cigarettes seemed a small price to ensure her safety.
And it was pretty cool for me, too, to be part of this. My mom was always the "cool mom" who everybody wanted to be their mom. My friends went to her to advice. Our relationship wasn't always the best. She was the person with the over the top personality that everyone wanted to be near. I was her geeky daughter who was shy and introverted. Now, I had a whole group of people waited for my visit after work to bring the cigarettes !! I was part of my mom's popularity.
At first it was the Rehab patients, then it was patients in all departments of the hospital. I don't know but my mom somehow met everybody. She listened to their problems and this made her feel better about her life and she felt so gratitude. And, she helped them in any way that she could.
So, my daily shopping list expanded. There was a whole bunch of patients who had no one to get them extra things that they needed. So, I was buying chocolate bars, kleenex, pre-paid phone cards, toiletries, you name it. And, she wasn't just holding court in the smoking area any more. She would be in the cafeteria providing advice to people who sought it. And, I was part of this, too. She told her friends that I had a knack for writing, so I was writing apology letters to people for wrongs committed decades ago. Helping people make peace with their loved ones at their final hours. I felt my mom should be hired on as Spiritual Care. She got me writing advocacy letters for people for a variety of reasons. I wasn't at all surprised that she was meeting all these people with all these different issues. This is what she had done her entire life.
One morning, she phoned me at work in a panic. One of her "patients" had to attend a meeting with her care team and was fearing the worst. She was allowed to bring a family member, but she didn't have a family member so my mom wanted me to attend this meeting in two hours advocating for a woman who I had not yet met. I told my mom it would be extremely difficult for me to get time off work on such short notice. My mom told me that this was "important" and this woman had a very difficult life and she just needed someone to stand up for her just this once. My mom was right. It was important.
My mom had potential to be anything in life. She did have a cool career and that was very important to her. However, in a world where she could be anything, my mom always made the choice of what she wanted to do. My mom always chose to be KIND.
I didn't like her smoking. I didn't always like her partying. But, I always loved that she chose to be kind.
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