The Royal Wedding/My Royal Heartache
I don't know why but I am fascinated by all things Royal. It started before Diana but Diana certainly cemented by obsession. I remember prior to her wedding, one of my relatives told me that I knew more about Diana than she knew about herself. There is a new documentary about her on Netflix. When my partner asked if I wanted to watch, I said yes and I would correct the inaccuracies. When they showed the fashions of her, I was able to not only identify the designer but also to tell what event she wore each particular dress. If you are ever going to a Royal family trivia party, you definitely want me on your team.
Of course, I got up at 3:30 am to watch Prince Charles wed Lady Diana. I was shocked that my light was the only light in my neighbourhood. I remember watching and not being able to sit down. I literally paced the whole time. It was so exciting to me. I was in high school but I took notes so that I could discuss it later with people. Nobody really wanted to discuss it with me.
Getting up at 3:30 am was not the slightest big deal to me. I thought that I have lost a night sleep over a lot less significant things.
My adult children are both obsessed with animated characters and I don't get that one bit. I have tried to understand but they are speaking Greek to me. So, I just respect that this is a thing, but I don't get it. Like my Royal obsession, I don't even get it myself. So, since I can't even explain it to myself, I don't bother explaining it to anyone else. It is just something that is an important part of me.
I also woke early to watch Prince Andrew marry Sarah Ferguson. This time I sat down and drank coffee. When others thought that Sarah was a breathe of fresh air to the monarchy, I never warmed to her.
I also got up early to watch Edward marry Sophie even though I had no interest in either of them, but I wanted to watch the rest of the family.
I'm sure I would watched Princess Anne's two weddings but neither were televised.
The car accident that claimed Diana's life was roughly 1:00 am and I watched coverage of it for the whole night flipping channels and hoping it was fake news. I was in denial until about 5 am and once reality set in I cried and cried. The day of her funeral, one news channel showed her funeral over and over and I watched it for about 24 hours and cried all of that time.
When Prince William wed Kate Middleton, I shockingly got up to watch. However, I had company. I drove to the residence of a 102 year old friend with coffee and pastries so that we could watch together. This lovely woman was as much of a Royal watcher as me, yet she was also blind. I was in my glory as not only did I get to watch but I had to do colour commentary for my blind friend. This was April 29, 2011. Two months later, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge came to Canada for their first official trip. I traveled to Ottawa to celebrate Canada Day with them. The friends that I was with were seriously concerned that I would be arrested for getting too close to them. I didn't get to touch them, but I got really close to Kate.
My sweetie told me that he was aware of one other person that got up early to watch Wills and Kate tie the proverbial knot. It was his mother. I was really excited. Finally, a way in to his mother's heart. His mother has made no secret of her disdain for me. I try to say, "consider the source" and all that jazz but it hurts. I've tried to intellectualize it and say, well, of course, she doesn't like me, I am taking away her son. But, of course, that doesn't even make sense. Her son isn't 8, he is actually in his 50s.. Shouldn't she be happy that he has found someone?
Well, that was 2011 and now it is 2018. The relationship between his mother and I has not improved and perhaps has even deteriorated. The only change has been that each of us are 7 years older. My sweetie has probably aged more as he views himself as the man in the middle. At times I feel for him and this struggle as he was raised to believe "honour thy family" above all. I was raised to think that once a man has chosen the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, she becomes the family he should honour. The bottom line is I have come to terms (sort of) that this woman will never like me, however, there are many reason why this tension has caused strife in our relationship.
About a week ago, we decided we didn't want to live like this anymore. We decided to address it so we took mama out for lunch. (It was actually supposed to be breakfast, but even though my sweetie phoned her to tell her he was on his way, she hadn't made any effort to get out of bed, etc.) So, we enjoyed a wonderful lunch. We had a wonderful talk and I said what I wanted to say and she responded appropriately. She had no idea that when she referred to me as the "wretched woman" that I didn't accept it with the positive complement with which she meant it. It was just a miscommunication. When she told a colleague of mine that I was a ruthless bitch was likely another misunderstanding. When she dispatched another son to urge my sweetie to dump me was actually meant as a complement to me to see if I was really committed. When I brought a friend over to do foot care for her and she interrogated my friend as she couldn't believe I actually had a friend was also meant to be a complement. When we were at a party in honour of my sweetie and myself and she told my friend that she was disgusted to be in the same room with me because I was so fat, that was meant to be motivating. When I heard her say terrible things about me in voice messages to my sweetie, well, those shouldn't be counted since she never thought I would hear those. But, she touched my hand for about 2 seconds and apologized that I didn't accept her comments in the positive vein which they were intended and from now on we were going to be friends. I melted. This is what I always wanted.
I decided to extend the olive branch. She has told my sweetie many times that she wants to come to our home and she wants me to cook her a meal. I noted that the next weekend was Harry and Megan's wedding and since she would be getting up early to watch, why not come to our home and we can watch together and make a party of it. I understood 4:30 am was probably too early, but how about 6:00 am? She was delighted to come. I was thrilled.
I had a week to plan. We would have unlimited tea or coffee available served on my finest china which I haven't used in.......hmmm, well, actually I never have found an occasion that I wanted to use my finest china, but this would be the first. We would have several courses served hourly. I designed a trivia game. I made hats for us to wear. I dug out my linen napkins and my gold plated charger plates. I was positive that my mother in law would see how much effort I put into this event and we would be friends.
I don't know why I believed in a fairy tale ending. I don't know what I thought this would be a magic wand.
36 hours before the event my sweetie called to remind her and she laughed. She said she had no intention of coming and just said that to placate me. There was no way that she would be getting up that early.
I wasn't really that upset with her. I was upset with myself for letting myself getting my hopes up. I joked with my sweetie that it was all for the best and I could stop my marathon cleaning.
I kept trying not to take it personally until a brother chimed in. He noted that the event wasn't entirely on her terms so, of course, she didn't come and she was 86. That was a punch in the gut. This woman complains that she never gets a good nights sleep and is up most of the night anyway. This was a once in a lifetime event that was very important to me. She is supposed to get up for breakfast at 7 am anyway. Was asking her to make an effort really too much? I forgave 8 years of hurt and was going to a lot of trouble to try and make amends. The son's response spoke volumes to me. I would never be welcome in their family and no one would think I was important enough to lose an hour of sleep.
So, I got up at 3;30 am to watch the pre-analysis of the Royal Wedding. And, I am so glad I did. I loved almost every moment. My favorite part was when Megan joined Harry in front of the alter. He said, "You look amazing. I am so lucky." His eyes welled with tears and then he bit his lip to stop the tears. Wow. That is the response that every bride dreams. The diversity in the wedding - major wow. I didn't like the dress, I know everyone else did. I liked her evening dress. I did like the veil, I liked the tiara. It wasn't a traditional royal wedding and I loved that. It was truly about Megan and Harry. However, being a royal wedding, the Queen had to approve all details. As I predicted last week, she would rubber stamp everything. I don't think she really cared about tradition, I think she wanted her grandson to be happy.
When Megan's father declined to attend, Megan chose to walk half way down the aisle by herself and ask her prospective father-in-law to walk her the rest of the way. The press knew about this and were reporting that he would have to think about this and consult his mother, blah, blah, blah. Well, apparently, when asked he responded right away without thinking. He didn't say he would be delighted, he said that he would be honoured.
I can't imagine any member of the Royal Family hoping that Harry would find a divorced Amercian biracial actress who the public has seen a fair amount of her skin as the match for Harry. Yet, that was the match Harry chose, and the Royal Family did so much to welcome her to the family.
I enjoyed every part of the Wedding until the limousine arrived carrying Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip. I was aware that Prince Phillip has had a series of health problems and just had hip surgery. This amazing man was the busiest of all Royals (making the most public appearances) until his semi-retirement at 95. He is 96. The commentator stated that the reason he had his hip surgery was because of this wedding. Apparently, he and Harry share a particularly close relationship and he did not want to miss this event and he wanted to attend the event without mobility aides. And, apparently, Harry wanted to marry as soon as possible because he wanted his grandfather to attend and the reality was his grandpa has had health problems as of late and he is 96,
So, Queen Elizabeth exits the car looking radiant and wearing two inch heels. How amazing. I mean I know she is only 92 but it is amazing that she is still wearing heels. And, then Prince Phillip emerges. He has been two steps behind Queen Elizabeth for the last 70+ years. That is his role and one that he accepts. He is very practiced in staying two steps behind her. Despite this, you would have thought this was the first time behind the Queen. He was bounding up the aisle to his place and was all but pushing Queen Elizabeth aside. You would thought he was going to the Macy's After Thanksgiving Sale. What a wonderful welcome to Megan to the Royal Family.
And, that is when I lost it. 96 years old; two months post-hip surgery; and bounding to your place to celebrate adding another person to your family. That is Megan's welcome. 86 years old. Can't get up 1 hour early to be treated like a Queen. That is my reality.
So, my blog was never going to be a vehicle for me to resolve my personal issues. My blog is about social justice. What does this have to do with social justice? Actually, quite a bit.
There was possibly one person who up-staged Megan at her wedding. Bishop Michael Curry had a fairly fire and brimstone speech. But, the speech was really a call to action about love. Love is the only way to solve social problems. Love they neighbour and consider everyone your neighbour and no child will ever go to bed hungry again. It is not complicated. Love everyone and while you are at it, love yourself.
Meanwhile, I was heartbroken and didn't love anybody that day and certainly didn't love myself. I wasted time when I could have been out actively finding and sharing love everywhere. So, I am really not mad at anyone but myself, because I actually have enough love in my heart to love everyone. And, that is social justice. Also, common sense.
Of course, I got up at 3:30 am to watch Prince Charles wed Lady Diana. I was shocked that my light was the only light in my neighbourhood. I remember watching and not being able to sit down. I literally paced the whole time. It was so exciting to me. I was in high school but I took notes so that I could discuss it later with people. Nobody really wanted to discuss it with me.
Getting up at 3:30 am was not the slightest big deal to me. I thought that I have lost a night sleep over a lot less significant things.
My adult children are both obsessed with animated characters and I don't get that one bit. I have tried to understand but they are speaking Greek to me. So, I just respect that this is a thing, but I don't get it. Like my Royal obsession, I don't even get it myself. So, since I can't even explain it to myself, I don't bother explaining it to anyone else. It is just something that is an important part of me.
I also woke early to watch Prince Andrew marry Sarah Ferguson. This time I sat down and drank coffee. When others thought that Sarah was a breathe of fresh air to the monarchy, I never warmed to her.
I also got up early to watch Edward marry Sophie even though I had no interest in either of them, but I wanted to watch the rest of the family.
I'm sure I would watched Princess Anne's two weddings but neither were televised.
The car accident that claimed Diana's life was roughly 1:00 am and I watched coverage of it for the whole night flipping channels and hoping it was fake news. I was in denial until about 5 am and once reality set in I cried and cried. The day of her funeral, one news channel showed her funeral over and over and I watched it for about 24 hours and cried all of that time.
When Prince William wed Kate Middleton, I shockingly got up to watch. However, I had company. I drove to the residence of a 102 year old friend with coffee and pastries so that we could watch together. This lovely woman was as much of a Royal watcher as me, yet she was also blind. I was in my glory as not only did I get to watch but I had to do colour commentary for my blind friend. This was April 29, 2011. Two months later, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge came to Canada for their first official trip. I traveled to Ottawa to celebrate Canada Day with them. The friends that I was with were seriously concerned that I would be arrested for getting too close to them. I didn't get to touch them, but I got really close to Kate.
My sweetie told me that he was aware of one other person that got up early to watch Wills and Kate tie the proverbial knot. It was his mother. I was really excited. Finally, a way in to his mother's heart. His mother has made no secret of her disdain for me. I try to say, "consider the source" and all that jazz but it hurts. I've tried to intellectualize it and say, well, of course, she doesn't like me, I am taking away her son. But, of course, that doesn't even make sense. Her son isn't 8, he is actually in his 50s.. Shouldn't she be happy that he has found someone?
Well, that was 2011 and now it is 2018. The relationship between his mother and I has not improved and perhaps has even deteriorated. The only change has been that each of us are 7 years older. My sweetie has probably aged more as he views himself as the man in the middle. At times I feel for him and this struggle as he was raised to believe "honour thy family" above all. I was raised to think that once a man has chosen the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, she becomes the family he should honour. The bottom line is I have come to terms (sort of) that this woman will never like me, however, there are many reason why this tension has caused strife in our relationship.
About a week ago, we decided we didn't want to live like this anymore. We decided to address it so we took mama out for lunch. (It was actually supposed to be breakfast, but even though my sweetie phoned her to tell her he was on his way, she hadn't made any effort to get out of bed, etc.) So, we enjoyed a wonderful lunch. We had a wonderful talk and I said what I wanted to say and she responded appropriately. She had no idea that when she referred to me as the "wretched woman" that I didn't accept it with the positive complement with which she meant it. It was just a miscommunication. When she told a colleague of mine that I was a ruthless bitch was likely another misunderstanding. When she dispatched another son to urge my sweetie to dump me was actually meant as a complement to me to see if I was really committed. When I brought a friend over to do foot care for her and she interrogated my friend as she couldn't believe I actually had a friend was also meant to be a complement. When we were at a party in honour of my sweetie and myself and she told my friend that she was disgusted to be in the same room with me because I was so fat, that was meant to be motivating. When I heard her say terrible things about me in voice messages to my sweetie, well, those shouldn't be counted since she never thought I would hear those. But, she touched my hand for about 2 seconds and apologized that I didn't accept her comments in the positive vein which they were intended and from now on we were going to be friends. I melted. This is what I always wanted.
I decided to extend the olive branch. She has told my sweetie many times that she wants to come to our home and she wants me to cook her a meal. I noted that the next weekend was Harry and Megan's wedding and since she would be getting up early to watch, why not come to our home and we can watch together and make a party of it. I understood 4:30 am was probably too early, but how about 6:00 am? She was delighted to come. I was thrilled.
I had a week to plan. We would have unlimited tea or coffee available served on my finest china which I haven't used in.......hmmm, well, actually I never have found an occasion that I wanted to use my finest china, but this would be the first. We would have several courses served hourly. I designed a trivia game. I made hats for us to wear. I dug out my linen napkins and my gold plated charger plates. I was positive that my mother in law would see how much effort I put into this event and we would be friends.
I don't know why I believed in a fairy tale ending. I don't know what I thought this would be a magic wand.
36 hours before the event my sweetie called to remind her and she laughed. She said she had no intention of coming and just said that to placate me. There was no way that she would be getting up that early.
I wasn't really that upset with her. I was upset with myself for letting myself getting my hopes up. I joked with my sweetie that it was all for the best and I could stop my marathon cleaning.
I kept trying not to take it personally until a brother chimed in. He noted that the event wasn't entirely on her terms so, of course, she didn't come and she was 86. That was a punch in the gut. This woman complains that she never gets a good nights sleep and is up most of the night anyway. This was a once in a lifetime event that was very important to me. She is supposed to get up for breakfast at 7 am anyway. Was asking her to make an effort really too much? I forgave 8 years of hurt and was going to a lot of trouble to try and make amends. The son's response spoke volumes to me. I would never be welcome in their family and no one would think I was important enough to lose an hour of sleep.
So, I got up at 3;30 am to watch the pre-analysis of the Royal Wedding. And, I am so glad I did. I loved almost every moment. My favorite part was when Megan joined Harry in front of the alter. He said, "You look amazing. I am so lucky." His eyes welled with tears and then he bit his lip to stop the tears. Wow. That is the response that every bride dreams. The diversity in the wedding - major wow. I didn't like the dress, I know everyone else did. I liked her evening dress. I did like the veil, I liked the tiara. It wasn't a traditional royal wedding and I loved that. It was truly about Megan and Harry. However, being a royal wedding, the Queen had to approve all details. As I predicted last week, she would rubber stamp everything. I don't think she really cared about tradition, I think she wanted her grandson to be happy.
When Megan's father declined to attend, Megan chose to walk half way down the aisle by herself and ask her prospective father-in-law to walk her the rest of the way. The press knew about this and were reporting that he would have to think about this and consult his mother, blah, blah, blah. Well, apparently, when asked he responded right away without thinking. He didn't say he would be delighted, he said that he would be honoured.
I can't imagine any member of the Royal Family hoping that Harry would find a divorced Amercian biracial actress who the public has seen a fair amount of her skin as the match for Harry. Yet, that was the match Harry chose, and the Royal Family did so much to welcome her to the family.
I enjoyed every part of the Wedding until the limousine arrived carrying Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip. I was aware that Prince Phillip has had a series of health problems and just had hip surgery. This amazing man was the busiest of all Royals (making the most public appearances) until his semi-retirement at 95. He is 96. The commentator stated that the reason he had his hip surgery was because of this wedding. Apparently, he and Harry share a particularly close relationship and he did not want to miss this event and he wanted to attend the event without mobility aides. And, apparently, Harry wanted to marry as soon as possible because he wanted his grandfather to attend and the reality was his grandpa has had health problems as of late and he is 96,
So, Queen Elizabeth exits the car looking radiant and wearing two inch heels. How amazing. I mean I know she is only 92 but it is amazing that she is still wearing heels. And, then Prince Phillip emerges. He has been two steps behind Queen Elizabeth for the last 70+ years. That is his role and one that he accepts. He is very practiced in staying two steps behind her. Despite this, you would have thought this was the first time behind the Queen. He was bounding up the aisle to his place and was all but pushing Queen Elizabeth aside. You would thought he was going to the Macy's After Thanksgiving Sale. What a wonderful welcome to Megan to the Royal Family.
And, that is when I lost it. 96 years old; two months post-hip surgery; and bounding to your place to celebrate adding another person to your family. That is Megan's welcome. 86 years old. Can't get up 1 hour early to be treated like a Queen. That is my reality.
So, my blog was never going to be a vehicle for me to resolve my personal issues. My blog is about social justice. What does this have to do with social justice? Actually, quite a bit.
There was possibly one person who up-staged Megan at her wedding. Bishop Michael Curry had a fairly fire and brimstone speech. But, the speech was really a call to action about love. Love is the only way to solve social problems. Love they neighbour and consider everyone your neighbour and no child will ever go to bed hungry again. It is not complicated. Love everyone and while you are at it, love yourself.
Meanwhile, I was heartbroken and didn't love anybody that day and certainly didn't love myself. I wasted time when I could have been out actively finding and sharing love everywhere. So, I am really not mad at anyone but myself, because I actually have enough love in my heart to love everyone. And, that is social justice. Also, common sense.
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