National Siblings Day and Why I Can Never See Justin Trudeau in Same Light
There are no pictures of me with all of my siblings. I have pictures of a few of us together but none with all five of us.
Do not get me wrong. I had an amazing childhood. I was raised by two loving parents. They showered me with love and attention and anything else I wanted. I was spoiled, but not spoiled rotten. I do not have anything to complain about.
However, there was this one thing. You see my father was married before my mother. He had four children. He did not rob the cradle but he found a much younger bride in my mother. In fact, my mother was a grandmother before she was a mother. My siblings were much older. Two sisters fairly close in age. Two brothers fairly close in age. It was difficult for them. This was half a century ago. Divorce did not happen and they were children of divorce. They had divided loyalties and complicated relationships.
Then, there was me. It was confusing to me because I seemed like an only child yet I had brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. I came out of the womb as Auntie Shelley. Before I finished high school, I had 9 nephews and 2 nieces. It was difficult to understand. My brothers and sisters called my dad, dad, and my mom, Lil.
I am sure the adults in my life were going to explain it to me when I became old enough to understand. By that time, I had already figured it out for myself.
We all unintentionally hurt each other. I got more material things than they did. They didn't see their dad every day so when they were with our dad, they wanted to spend every moment with him. I was jealous and didn't understand nor want to share. I didn't see any value in having siblings. They would just come and monopolize my dad's time. Also, there was all these grandchildren around and they were all adorable. They not only wanted their grandfather's time but their grandmother's as well. I felt that wasn't fair. They already had their "real" grandma and now they wanted my mom, too. just felt like I never knew my place. Was I an only child? Did I have siblings?
I remember when my brother Mickey showed me his driver's licence. I was about 6. I noticed they got his name wrong and put Michael as his name. He told me Michael was his real name. I was a little devastated that I didn't know my brother's name. I went to my brother Bill and asked about his name. It turned out he was named William. I asked my dad about my sisters. Millie was really Mildred and Gerry was really Geraldine. It was a weird moment. It was the time that I really really wanted to have brothers and sisters, yet, I felt I truly never would.
Another moment I won't forget was my dad's retirement party. My oldest sister was the family spokesperson and gave a speech on behalf of all dad's kids and noted that all his kids chipped in to buy his present. I wasn't asked to chip in and I wasn't consulted about the speech. In fairness, I was in grade 6, but, it was a reminder that I wasn't really part of them.
My dad and I were super close. At his funeral, my oldest sister took charge and said that it was only right that I be the family spokesperson and write his obituary. I also was the first of his children to walk into the service. It was incredibly meaningful to me and very unselfish and thoughtful of my siblings and I will always be grateful. However, I did get the short end of the deal. I was 26 when my dad died. My father never met my children. When you lose your father, it changes you. I wasn't mature enough to handle that change. My siblings got one or two extra decades with my father.
When your father is an older man, you kind of grow up knowing that your time will be limited. You sort of live your life in anticipatory grief. I remember when Larry King had his last two boys when he was in his 80s, there was public debate about whether this was fair to the children as they likely won't have their father in their adulthood. Well, my dad wasn't that old and we made the most of every moment, but, I did feel cheated out of time when he passed. Even as a teenager, I worried that my siblings would forget me after my dad died as we wouldn't have anything in common. Well, relationships are work and that included the relationships with my siblings. I wasn't mature enough to work on those relationships and they had busy and full lives. It is nobody's fault and everyone's fault that we have grown apart.
Anyway, short story long. I understand the dynamics between half-siblings and being an unexpected "surprise" to a group of siblings. It is complicated. I also know that whenever it happens, there is no one really prepared to lose their father.
So, it is for that reason that I feel I can never look at Justin Trudeau the same way. I remember the first time I heard Justin speak. It was at his father's funeral. I wasn't there, but, I watched it on tv. Justin gave the eulogy and it was powerful. It basically launched his political career. It was an amazing speech. I was moved.
I found it on UTube a few days ago and watched it again. Justin, in his powerful and personal speech about his father, didn't mention that he had a sister. Trudeau fathered a baby girl when he was 71. She took her mother's name and her mother chose to raise her privately. However, Trudeau had a relationship with her and visited her monthly and took her on some trips. As an adult, Trudeau's daughter remains in the private life and has no interest in public life. Justin and her are 20 years apart. They have only been together a handful of times. I understand it was her mother's decision to keep her life as private as possible. I understand her decision as an adult to retain her privacy. However, I can't imagine growing up knowing that you have three brothers that have no desire to have any relationship with you. I can't imagine losing your father when you were 10. I have seen pictures of her at the funeral and she is standing in the background with her mother looking like a deer in headlights. She is way in the background and Justin and Alexandre are in the forefront. I can not imagine not being acknowledged in your father's eulogy. That is a hurt that I imagine doesn't heal.
Justin Trudeau claims to be all about family. (In addition to being Feminist in Chief and ally to LGBTQA and the Prime Minister who is going to bring reconciliation to our Indigenous. He also is the official apology maker for Canada.) That is his brand. Now, to find out, he has no relationship with his sister, well, it is just another indication to me that is not the brand that he portrays.
Happy Belated Siblings Day ! Even though my oldest sister has passed, all four of my siblings have always been my heroes.
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